I Appreciate the thought, but...

Fredula · 21 April 2014 at 12:28PM

My mother in law has been buying my son toys (lovely, yes and I do appreciate the thought as we do not have a lot of extra money to spend on toys as we're saving for a deposit). However, he has a lot of toys from Christmas and his Birthday (January) and the house just seems to be filled with toys. In our room he has a little cardboard box house which I made him which has cuddly toys in, then he has a book shelf with 3 shelves worth of toys on (puzzles, a wooden train set, doctors kit, pretend phone, stacking toys, a bus with people on, etc) the he has his bananas in pyjamas house stuff in our TV cabinet (their house wasn't very study and kept breaking so we rehomed them there) and then he also has a box of mega blocks. He also has an easal in our room.

In my Mum's living room next door he has a cooker with pretend food, pots and pans, etc. He has a big bucket full of toys and then lots of writing pads/stencils etc. Upstairs in his bedroom he has lots of toys too.

But as of late, every week it seems he's been getting new toys when going over MIL's (she looks after him 2 days per week whilst we're at work). Over the last 3 weeks he's had a push along Thomas, Push along Percy, 2 Thomas DVD's and a Noddy DVD. A cloud baby talking toy, a cuddly toy Peter Rabbit...I think there was something else too. Aside from the Percy, Thomas and the DVD's everything else has come home with him. She also buys him a comic every week which usually comes with some sort of toy (but I don't mind about this because it gives them an activity to do together - stickers usually).

I have two slight issues with this (and I know people will probably just be like "Why are you moaning when someone's buying your kid toys" but I don't want him to become spoilt. It's also the space issue.

Do you recommend broaching the issue with mother in law? If so, do you have any suggestions of how to go about it?

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DUKE · 21 April 2014 at 12:31PM

You could try asking her if she could put the money into a savings account for him for when he's older, this would benefit him more.

notanewuser · 21 April 2014 at 12:31PM

My mum takes DD to the charity shop and let's her choose something once a week (ish). DD brings them home and promptly forgets about them. Once a month I bag them up and give them back to my mum. If she wants DD to have so much, she can store it at her house.

notanewuser · 21 April 2014 at 12:32PM

Perhaps tell her that your son is getting overstimulated by having so much stuff all the time and that you'd rather she stopped buying for a while.

Valli · 21 April 2014 at 12:38PM

Get your husband to discuss it with her.

Another option would be for him to have a bag in which he can take stuff, to play with, to hers so that she doesn't feel the need to buy him something. He could choose a 'cuddly', a 'floor' toy, a book, crayons and a colouring book and a DVD to take. Or you could bag them up as a 'surprise' for when he's there?

Or suggest she might like to keep a few things at hers ready for when he visits?

fiscalfreckles · 21 April 2014 at 12:45PM

I would say something. Or get your OH to.

I'd say that you don't have the space & could she keep some of it at hers? I'm sure she'll appreciate the storage problems once it all starts to mount up in her house.
Also point out that surely it will make it harder for her to buy a special treat for his birthday or Christmas, if he gets so much stuff each week? I'm sure she doesn't see it as spoiling him, but I would tend to agree with you.

rachiibell · 21 April 2014 at 12:57PM

Could you say your running out of space and any toys not bought for special occasions (birthdays, christmas, ect) need to stay at hers?

Also if your son is starting to outgrow some toys and stop playing with them could you explain how some children aren't lucky enough to have any toys and get him to pick some to donate to others?

Imdaewen · 21 April 2014 at 1:01PM

The more toys they have the less they will play with them, then they moan that they are bored.

The Mum in Law probably doesn't realise what she is doing and thinks she is being great by buying him stuff. Tell her to stick the buying stuff to the silly comic things so they can SPEND TIME TOGETHER and if she wants to contribute then she can put the money aside into a little savings account for him. Will help when he needs something in the future. He will appreciate a nest-egg for driving lessons etc when older!

Gillyx · 21 April 2014 at 7:29PM

I hear you, it's very difficult, we are currently living with my Dad while we save for a deposit and he loves to buy my son toys, the problem is at the moment in the house we have 3 massive ikea chests full with toys, 2 x toy boxes in the garage, and in the garage alone, 3 or 4 ride ons, a cosy coupe, a slide, a trampoline, a scooter, which we lift in and out to play with in the garden. We have an ikea toy wooden kitchen in the front room, with all the utensils to go with it, boxes of Duplo, and my lovely Dad keeps buying more :eek: we talk about it and for a few weeks we don't get anything else and then it starts again

It's his house so I'm sort of well he has to live with it but I think we'l be expected to take it with us when we go, it's all out love but totally unnecessary, I wish he'd spend his money on himself!

Fredula · 21 April 2014 at 7:53PM

Yeah it just feels like we are a bit over run with it all. She's not short of toys at her house, they have a massive bucket in their living room and then things by the side of the bucket (work bench, building blocks) and in the study/toy room he's got loads of cuddly toys, a massive train set which takes up practically the entire floor, a box full of cars, a box of duplo, trains, etc not to mention his cosy coupe which he uses indoors over hers.

I'd feel a bit mean bagging all the stuff she's bought him up and sending it over with him, because that sounds a bit ungrateful. I think I will either talk to her myself (although in the past that hasn't gone very well - I didn't used to like her giving him sugary drinks all the time and apparently when I said something I upset her so now I let her carry on and do what she wants because she's doing us a favour and I can't get the tact right) or get OH to have a word. I think he thinks I'm being a bit funny about it though. I just don't want him to become spoilt expecting things all the time.

It would be easier if he was a bit older because we could adopt a 'one toy in one toy out' policy, and then he might pipe up and say to Nanny 'but Mummy makes me get rid of a toy every time you buy me something new' and feel a bit sad about it, but he's way too young to care if I got rid of some of his toys.

Valli · 21 April 2014 at 8:03PM

Fredula wrote: »

I'd feel a bit mean bagging all the stuff she's bought him up and sending it over with him, because that sounds a bit ungrateful.

I didn't suggest bagging up ALL the stuff; just a selection of DIFFERENT toys and a DVD for him to take there. Then you can pre-empt a spending spree by telling he he has chosen some things he would like to play with at hers.

I Appreciate the thought, but...

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