I'm so depressed I can't even cry anymore.......

whitewing wrote: »

Gingernutty, I appreciate that medication for your depression doesn't work for you, but surely you can get more support via your GP than you are currently getting.

You da thunk, wouldn't you?

I've been discharged from both Psychiatry and Psychology services as I've been doing so well. :huh:

I see the GP once a month and the news from A&E will be a talking point at the next appointment.

I'll see what happens then

I can't say what's been going on but OMFG I need a new job!

I'll be found rocking in a corner of a darkened room somewhere quiet......

I applied for jobs. It's now become commonplace for employers to ask for references before interview.

There are Team Leaders below the Team Manager and instead of giving the TM's name, I gave my then TL's name.

One morning, my TL walked across the huge open plan office and in a stage whisper that the one in the next cubicle could hear, told me about a referee request that she had received that morning. She had referred it to the Team Manager.

I didn't get any invitation to interview.

It's not just me. It's the whole team around me getting dumped on from a great height and I dread seeing and hearing what's going on around me.

Other people in the office have told me that they are embarrassed and angry at how they see others (including me) being treated.

A woman who's had to take annual leave (not compassionate) to see a close, gravely ill, relative received a text from my current TL, telling her that she'd should have remembered her books as she needed to revise for an internal exam coming up in the next week.

After breaking down in my general review meeting and telling my TL that

a) think daily about suicide

b) the doctors have stopped prescribing sedatives because I was considered 'high risk'

c) the residual tinnitus, conductive deafness and ear pain from the labyrintitis from earlier in the year are driving me up the wall

d) my lung capacity measurements, although good, are diminishing and my asthma has slowly gotten worse in recent years making time off with colds more likely

e) I still hadn't gotten around to completing all of the objectives set for my pay grade this year

she told me "not to talk so soft" and "to try to think positively".

Seriously.

Wherever I go around the building, as soon as I say who my Team Manager is, I get "Oh her!" type replies and then a "Do you know what she....." type conversation follows.

The woman who hired her has left on mental health grounds.

I have never worked anywhere so demoralised or demoralising. I have never been so embarrassed about what I do for a living and who I work for.

Never.

And I'm supposed to work hard at home as well, with a pile of training manuals, files, folders and I'm supposed to lug approx. 10kg of specialist books back and forth so I can get a qualification to do this for the rest of my working life?

Naff that.......

Still, I've got an Occupational Health and Wellbeing appointment in a weeks time. That might help.....