Money Moral Dilemma: Should I agree to pay my mum more rent?

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  • bells_on_it
    bells_on_it Posts: 130 Forumite
    I think it's about finding a middle ground. It's important to help pay the bills when you're able, gives you an idea of what it's like when you're on your own, but also probably encouragement to try it alone as it might be easy at home but you can't stay there forever...
    I think it would be fair to ask for a breakdown, or a little context around why it's doubling as that seems unfair. My now husband used to get charged ridiculous amounts by his mum. Back in 2003/4 when he got a promotion and pay rise she found a wage slip and put his rent up to over £350 a month, I think he was earning about £20k at hat point? It made it harder to save for a deposit for a house and as it was a small maisonettes in a serviced flat which was also housing association so this was an ex council property her mortgage was about £300 a month, im pretty certain her total bills and mortgage were only around 450 a month? She was earning the same money as him too.

    What it did was prompt us to buy a house within a year, we were lucky at the time we could get 100% mortgages, and she wasn't at all happy that he moved out, he had to give a month or 2 rent as notice...
  • In all honesty I think you're being a little tight! If you're unhappy with the amount why not sit down with your mum and go through the household bills, food shopping etc? You'll be surprised how much these things cost, and as an adult you are using your fair share of electricity, gas, water. Running a household does cost money unfortunately, and if I could pay 200 a month for my rent plus bills I'd be over the moon!
  • SheilaE
    SheilaE Posts: 5
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    Yes, £100 is not enough, your mother was very kind to allow you to pay this for a year. She may be willing to discuss with you the house hold running costs. I would not be surprised to find she spends 90% or more of her own income just running the house, without taking into account paying for her own clothes etc..
    If you didn't live at home, you may pay at least £50 a week rent for a bedsit, this would not include any food etc. So even paying your mother £200 a month is a bargain.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    as usual, the OP doesn't give all the information needed really.

    If the £100 per month you are currently being charged includes your meals at home, free rein over the contents of the fridge and kitchen cupboards, and your washing done, your mum has been subsidising you by a lot in only charging you £100, and even charging £200 she's only just likely to be breaking even.
    Exactly this ^^^^ in bold.

    What does the £100 per month (£23 per month) actually cover?
    How much is the OP earning?
    What is the reason for the 100% increase in board?

    S'OK - I'm not expecting any answers.
    It's a MSE money moral dilemma after all. :whistle:
  • What is wrong with kids these days!? I got my first flat at 16 which is admittedly young, but even before that I was contributing to the household from my job. My older brother (by seven years) was paying £200 a month to our mum in 1993. I am assuming you have a single parent, and to moan about that tiny amount of money to have a home is taking the wee wee frankly. Me and my brother have been financially supporting our mum since we were teenagers and we both moved out as teenagers.

    I also find the idea that a parent shouldn't charge rent to an adult child odd. They've done their job, brought you up, it's their time to kick back and enjoy being looked after a bit finally, let alone not being forced to financially support an adult who wants to keep all their money to spend on tvs and shoes. My dads rotten step kids are like this. They need a kick up the bum frankly.
  • Hi there, since I started working and still living at home my mum made me pay a quarter of my wages to her. I never had a problem with it as I always knew my parents didn't have a lot of money so had to do this. I think it has helped me for the future too to learn how to save money and spend it wisely. There are so many bills to pay each month too that the £200 will be spent easily on the bills but asking to see exactly where your money goes is a good idea just so you can see the price of things before you decide to move out on the future. Many parents cannot afford to let their older children live with them rent free and I think it is good to charge rent as it does teach their children that living does not come free. I have heard parents keeping the money they collect in rent for the child's housing deposits in the future. If they can afford to do that, then that's an amazing idea, but a lot of parents will have to use the money actually for the bills to keep things going which is what my family did. It definately teaches you about money for the future if you do pay rent to parents in my opinion. Don't be afraid to ask where the money goes though. It should come across that you are just intrigued and not moaning that it's gone up so much. If you still think after seeing the bills that it's too high, speak to them about it. Never an easy conversation but see xx
  • Dorrie
    Dorrie Posts: 66
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    When my eldest started work I sat down with the accounts and worked out how much we paid on gas, electricity, council tax, food, etc., and divided that by 5 (hubby, three children and myself) - at the time I think it came out at something like £33 per week, so I rounded that up to £40 (for the room). My son was quite happy with that, as I explained how I came to that figure. Now only my daughter is at home and it has increased to £50 per week (£215 per month). Again, she is very well aware of what a bargain that is, especially as she has lived out of the house for a while (paying £300 per month just for lodging at one point).

    I think it is ridiculous not to expect to pay towards your upkeep when you are earning. The person who said they think it is wrong to charge their adult children - I personally think it is wrong not to - you have to help your children grow up and not expect everything handed to them on a plate.
  • ec81
    ec81 Posts: 11 Forumite
    I wasn't charged any rent and my mother did pretty much everything for me. I got a 100% mortgage at age 23 and moved into my own home. Goodness, that was a shock! I had been used to doing what I wanted, when I wanted and spending my cash on nights out and clothes and now everything had changed. Things spiralled in the year or so it took me to adapt. My home was a cesspit and I racked up massive debts trying to live the lifestyle I had while living at home.
    Looking back, I wish my mother had charged me a little rent and forced me to get involved in the housework. I think I would have been much better prepared for what life had in store!
  • mrsammyp
    mrsammyp Posts: 178
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    As others have said, ask your mum to breakdown the costs of running a home, when you move out you'll realise that it's not just the bills/utilities that add up but also the basic stuff like kitchen/toilet roll.

    £200 a month is a reasonable amount to charge a young adult living at home and is very fair.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,578
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    You should do what my father did when he started working 80 years ago. Give all your wages to your mother and let her decide how much pocket money to give you.
    'Give'?
    I didn't have a choice.
    When I started work almost 50 years ago, my Mother took my wages off me and gave me money for the bus to get to work and spending money.
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