When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Toni'sfriend · 15 May 2017 at 9:33AM

Does he have a bank account of his own or is he using yours?

Hiddenidenity · 15 May 2017 at 9:37AM

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

Does he have a bank account of his own or is he using yours?

We both have our own. He has access to mine though and knows my log in and pin number etc

Hiddenidenity · 15 May 2017 at 9:53AM

Rice milk and dairy free spread etc is all on offer at Mr S. I have £10 off £50 shop and £10 nectar points. I'm going to try and squeeze in somewhere a Mr S shop. I'll make it up with basics we use in the store cupboard.

As a family we eat dairy/soya free because of youngest allergies. Hence most food and snack's being homemade

If I can't not to worry just a thought I'm pondering

Toni'sfriend · 15 May 2017 at 9:55AM

Some advice (which you don't have to take). Get the wages paid into your account. Work out how much money you need to pay your debts/bills, food and all other expenses (include absolutely everything and be generous with anything you have to estimate ie food, children's clothing). Add on a bit for an emergency fund and tell him that's how much you need and transfer the rest back to him. Tell him that's all there is and he'll have to manage it as you can't give him any extra. He'll soon stop buying extra lunches if the're coming out of his pocket.Change your pin number and log in details now and don't give them to him. Maybe he could up at four in the morning to make his own lunch?

tori.k · 15 May 2017 at 9:56AM

I can understand the house but things like water, phone, TV could easily be transfered back to your name if the worse happened and it was needed, hopefully it would never happen but at least you wouldn't be solely liable for all the bills when you could least afford it, It's horrid as it is and sounds but Dods is husband 2 I learnt a hard lesson from husband 1 that I can be romantic but far more financially practical.

Hiddenidenity · 15 May 2017 at 10:44AM

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

Some advice (which you don't have to take). Get the wages paid into your account. Work out how much money you need to pay your debts/bills, food and all other expenses (include absolutely everything and be generous with anything you have to estimate ie food, children's clothing). Add on a bit for an emergency fund and tell him that's how much you need and transfer the rest back to him. Tell him that's all there is and he'll have to manage it as you can't give him any extra. He'll soon stop buying extra lunches if the're coming out of his pocket.Change your pin number and log in details now and don't give them to him. Maybe he could up at four in the morning to make his own lunch?

Wages will be paid to me from Friday

I have no idea where to start with the 'allowance' for himself. Will have a think though.

tori.k wrote: »

I can understand the house but things like water, phone, TV could easily be transfered back to your name if the worse happened and it was needed, hopefully it would never happen but at least you wouldn't be solely liable for all the bills when you could least afford it, It's horrid as it is and sounds but Dods is husband 2 I learnt a hard lesson from husband 1 that I can be romantic but far more financially practical.

Maybe I should discuss changing some?

Toni'sfriend · 15 May 2017 at 11:00AM

Is he paid weekly? Then work you how much money you need per week to pay bills/debts, food etc, Don't underestimate and include everything a bit extra for emergencies. What's left can be his and he use that for his bus fares, extra lunches, cigarettes etc, These are his responsibility but you need to have enough for you and the children. If he has a week where he has a small income it's up to him to sort out his spending not for you to go short.Selling things on ebay is great but it's not a long term solution. You need him to give you enough money for the family needs and, I'm sorry to say, that as he seems so irresponsible this is the only way I can see to get him to do it. Are you afraid he won't agree? I hope you don't think I'm being harsh but something has to make him come to his senses.

Hiddenidenity · 15 May 2017 at 11:40AM

Yeah he's paid weekly.

I am a bit worried tbh. He'll more than likely say I'm gambling again or something and turn it around to be me that's making us short

or how he works for the money and I don't etc.

I'm sure we will find a balance one day. I just want to make sure I clear the debt etc as best I can because other than the big fine which is his everything else is in my name.

Toni'sfriend · 15 May 2017 at 12:03PM

I suspected it was something like that. You made a mistake, you've stopped gambling and he shouldn't be holding it against you. He should be supporting you all the way He doesn't seem like an angel himself if he's paying a fine like that but that's none of my business. He's using your past difficulty with gambling to make excuses for not giving you enough money. Looking after the children and cooking/cleaning is a job in itself. If he wants to look at it like that the money he gives you is your pay for doing that. Write your outgoings down on paper and show it to him - back it up with receipts if you have to. I have to say though (and I don't like saying it) his lack of trust does not indicate a good relationship.

charlies_tribe · 15 May 2017 at 12:04PM

Just wanted to say good luck with the appointment today, we used to live at the hospital with DS and its an awful time. We are down to just a few appointments a year now, his big consultants appointment is the 30th and I dread it every time.

Definitely look at DLA its a pain to fill in but its worth it if your entitled to the extra, do ask today, our consultant was more than happy to fill parts in for us and his 1-1when he was at school.

When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

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