Relationship breakdown - 3 children currently in US but want to bring them back to UK

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Perhaps not.

But they deserve to be told the truth.

Especially the 14 year old.

Can you imagine going on what you think is a holiday to then be told you are not going back.

That is not fair IMO.

I agree. It's such a life-changing event that they should be told what's going on.

We were always honest with our kids about things that affected them.

This sounds a nightmare situation as the marriage must be in difficulties anyway if all the husband's massive hidden debts are only just coming out. I think your friend not only has her future country of abode to try and decide on, she also has to decide whether her marriage is worth saving by the sound of it. It sounds as
if she has no secure financial future on either side of the Atlantic with no US husband's pension there to rely on, and little or no NI contributions here in the UK to fund benefits here.

If they are about to be evicted, assuming her husband doesn,t get another job rapidly, he will not be able to offer his children a home anyway, even if he wants them to remain in the US. That's the reality of the situation. He may have to agree and accept that his children therefore be domiciled where there is some kind of family financial support for them.

I think the wife needs some immediate and frank discussions with her husband and as soon as his exams are over the 14 y.o.especially needs to be told of the realities of the situation. The children will almost certainly see it as being pulled out of the only environment they have ever known so a move to another country will be traumatic for them, even if financially it's possibly the only practical solution.

I think your friend needs the advice of a local solicitor on possible potential "abduction" issues. How can the husband stop this happening if neither of them can pay any legal fees to implement or prevent their movement to the UK? In my view the husband needs a wake up call. His project is no longer working and he must look to the longer term interests of his wife and children. If he doesn!t it may be the end of his marriage.

In the meantime the wife needs to make a decision rapidly. Does she have a past history of NI payments which might entitle her to some level of UK financial support and benefits? . Also if remaining in the UK seems the only option she will have to act quickly once here to find school places for her three children. She's probably out of touch with school place allocation methods here and won't realise that many schools are over subscribed and she may have difficulty in getting suitable places for them in the immediate locality where she is likely to reside. If she can't afford a car to drive them to and from schools located further away that will be another problem she will have to face.

The move will have a very serious and negative impact on the 14yo (leaving emotion behind) just because of the point in his education.

The difference between the education systems, the curriculum etc could badly affect his ability to gain good grades.

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

The move will have a very serious and negative impact on the 14yo (leaving emotion behind) just because of the point in his education.

The difference between the education systems, the curriculum etc could badly affect his ability to gain good grades.

So will having no place to live. They can come back from set backs in education but having no roof over their heads will be a much bigger problem.

I would advise her to try again talking to the husband about this, things will be a lot easier if they can work together to find a solution, what are his plans if he doesn't find work and they become homeless? I don't know how it work in the US but is there any help for struggling families? Do they have any friends that could take them in temporarily?

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

How would the OP know all of this about someone who's been living in the US for 11 years? A bit strange.

What do you mean? :huh:
People can stay in touch despite living in other countries, pretty easy now especially with facebook etc.