Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

MSE_Sarah · 7 September 2017 at 1:30PM

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive. She earns over £20,000 a year after tax and has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. We want to be reasonable parents but would appreciate a small contribution regularly to help us with the extra costs and she is not keen on this suggestion. This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day. What would be a reasonable amount to charge?

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fourxxxx · 12 September 2017 at 9:27PM

I reckon £50-£75 per week. (at £75 per week that's £3,900.00 per year)
You have to include food (the main expense), electric, gas, TV licence, water, cleaning, laundry and other odds and sods that all mount up.
If she won't pay, get her to move to a bedsit or house share.:beer:

SunnyCyprus · 12 September 2017 at 9:34PM

I would suggest 25% of earnings. It would help her to think about monetary responsibility, rather than take advantage of cheap rent and risk frittering away what's left.
If you didn't need all that amount of rent, put the extra into a savings account and give it to her after a year.

Mojisola · 12 September 2017 at 9:38PM

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive. She earns over £20,000 a year after tax and has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events.

We want to be reasonable parents but would appreciate a small contribution regularly to help us with the extra costs and she is not keen on this suggestion.

This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day.

What a lovely girl - she moves back home because she doesn't like funding her own life and would rather you covered all her living costs while she keeps her £20k for personal spends!

Set a weekly 'keep' so that you aren't out of pocket and a share of the household chores and tell her that she has two choices - agree or move out.

fionaandphil · 12 September 2017 at 9:45PM

When I stayed with my parents the rule was 25% of my earnings. When I did my apprenticeship and earned £30 per week it was £7.50 per week! My parents said that if I moved out my mortgage would be about that so it was good experience. It has served me well over the years

balletshoes · 12 September 2017 at 10:16PM

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive.

She earns over £20,000 a year after tax and has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. We want to be reasonable parents but would appreciate a small contribution regularly to help us with the extra costs and she is not keen on this suggestion. This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day. What would be a reasonable amount to charge?

As this is a situation where I'm assuming we are talking about an independent, earning adult (rather than a child or youngster just starting out in the employment field), I'd suggest a 3-way split of all the bills. On the face of it, this would be more like a house-share as its 3 adults.

However, if the OP (if one exists) wants to keep to just a "small" contribution, then they need to consider how much more expensive it is (extra fuel bills, food bills etc?) having daughter back at home, and charge her that amount.

Marvel1 · 12 September 2017 at 10:53PM

She doesn't want to pay anything, there's the front door you came in from.

Don't bother with saving the money and give it back, what is the point?! They should learn to save themselves.

_nate · 13 September 2017 at 12:17AM

Yes, sure, bring her into the world and then when you're fed up of looking after her, screw her for the same kind of nonsense private landlords would demand. She'll love you for that. Did you plan what this extra money would be used for? Did you pay your parents?

(And how old is she, and where does she live? And earning 20k is nothing in most big UK cities.)

I write in a rude fashion, I accept. But I've been able to save up enough to move away properly through my parents taking the exact opposite approach to you. It's made me regain my independence that was otherwise at the mercy of London landlords' whims.

kazt2006 · 13 September 2017 at 6:58AM

When I graduated 15 years ago, I was earning £11k per annum and my board was approx £130 per month. Over the years I got salary increases and new jobs and by the time I finally got my own place 6 years later, I was earning c£23k and paying £230 to £250 a month plus around £100 for my own food.

My mum's attitude was if you don't like it - tough, find somewhere else to live!!!

I still got a huge shock when I got a mortgage and started paying my own bills!

abjem21 · 13 September 2017 at 7:48AM

Our oldest contributed £100 per month towards the running cost of her car from her first pay packet at 17 years of age, she also paid for her own fuel. (we live in the sticks and no work is possible without transport, which we initially funded while she was at school, "a moped" & onto college, "a small, 9 year old car")
When she turned 21 we asked her to increase this to £200 per month, half for the car and half towards the household bills, she wasn't enthusiastic about it, but she did pay it every month until she moved out into her own home three months ago On which she and her partner got a mortgage, they were able to save most of the deposit in 2 separate help to buy isa's only because we (and her partners mother) only charged them a nominal amount for their keep. When she moved out we gave her back all the money we had taken from her for her keep (Not the car money, the £100 per month barely coved the cost of running it!) to make it so they had a full 10% mortgage deposit. They got a great deal on their mortgage and consequently both have a sensible attitude to money, we are I think unsurprisingly, very proud of both of them:D

[Deleted User] · 13 September 2017 at 8:02AM

I can't believe she thinks she can live anywhere and pay no costs tbh, whether she is not keen or not she has to contribute something.

I am not in the camp of fleecing your kids and charging full wack but I would do what my dad did for us and charge about £80 a week but quietly put £40 away so when she eventually moved she'd have a little lump sum to help wirth costs.

Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

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