Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Izadora · 15 August 2016 at 2:46PM

(((( Tea ))))
The only thing I'll throw at you is some cake and ice cream. Even that would be more of an easy-to-catch lob than a throw.

There are so many things I want to call him but none of them would make it through the filters and I'm so annoyed with him on your behalf. There's absolutely no way any of it's your fault and you're not stupid for wanting to believe that the effort he was making was genuine and that he really was trying to change.

Lambyr, I hope that they can get you sorted out and your ear stops hurting soon.

Lambyr · 15 August 2016 at 2:47PM

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Big hugs, Lambyr. Please do get it checked out today. I had an ear infection years ago and didn't go to the doctor and now I have slight hearing loss in that ear due to scar tissue. Purely my own fault for not getting it treated. Ear pain can just make you want to throw up, I find it is one of the worse pains. Make sure you let them know how much it is hurting, they need to give you something to relieve it.

Yeah, I'm gonna go this evening. If I leave around 7ish then I can feed the dog just as I go and she will be too preoccupied with stuffing her face to realise I've left. She starts whining if I leave which drives mum mad! Also means I can make sure mum's had some food, got a drink and is sat in front of the TV so she shouldn't need to move until I get back - I imagine I'll be gone a couple of hours.

Hopefully the clinic won't be too busy at that time either. I think it's usually busiest during the day at this time of year - kids with scrapes and whatnot that need patching up.

I just want something powerful enough to let me sleep. Last night, I slept in blocks of about two hours and then awake for an hour. I can't keep that up. I don't doubt that the lack of sleep will also contribute to my headache.

Waves_and_Smiles · 15 August 2016 at 2:50PM

Afternoon Pyxis! Have a hug!

It's up to you, Calley. There is nothing wrong with dating for fun as long as the other person is aware you aren't looking for anything more serious. As you rightly say, you did nothing wrong at all so if you feel emotionally ready to date again there is no reason why you can't go for it. It could be enjoyable just to spend time with other people without thinking of the future for a while.

calleyw · 15 August 2016 at 2:56PM

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Afternoon Pyxis! Have a hug!

It's up to you, Calley. There is nothing wrong with dating for fun as long as the other person is aware you aren't looking for anything more serious. As you rightly say, you did nothing wrong at all so if you feel emotionally ready to date again there is no reason why you can't go for it. It could be enjoyable just to spend time with other people without thinking of the future for a while.

I just don't want to get emotionally invested with someone again. Just have some fun, go out and have some company.

As you say with out any pressure on anyone.

Yours

Calley X

tea_lover · 15 August 2016 at 2:58PM

Fun and company sounds like a good plan calley. If you're not specifically looking for a relationship, things like social groups/meetup etc can be a great way of meeting 'general' people (as opposed to potential partners, if that makes sense).

Waves_and_Smiles · 15 August 2016 at 3:00PM

Go for it, Calley! I casually dated for a year and had so much fun. I also made some very good friends because I made sure the people I went out with didn't want commitment either so we stayed in touch without any pressure. Sometimes things can feel much easier when there isn't the pressure of a relationship involved and you never know, something more long term may evolve from one of those dates.

Do let us know how you are please, Lambyr. I found putting a hot water bottle against my ear helped a bit.

Pyxis · 15 August 2016 at 3:05PM

tea_lover wrote: »

You know what WaS, I think that actually annoys me more than his behaviour itself! If he would just for once hold his hands up and admit that he stuffed up, no one made him and there are no excuses - that would be some sort of miracle breakthrough. But as ever he thinks that he can come up with excuses and talk his way out of it.

((((Tea))))))
One good thing is that you've found out early (ish) that he's the same old same old.
I find it quite funny, in a wry sort of way, that he is, again, blaming YOU for two-timing you.
Again.
At least you don't have to go through that awful moving-out time again, though.
Is your garage still full of his stuff?
:A :A :A

By the way, Tea, sorry if I've muddled you with Code or someone else, but were you thinking of changing jobs?

onomatopoeia99 · 15 August 2016 at 3:21PM

tea, I can do little more than agree with what everyone else has said; no-one should blame you for having hope and wanting to trust and think the best of someone you've spent so long with. So I'm not going to throw things at you. Except chocolate if you want it, and sympathy. Remember that you have behaved well toward him, so you shouldn't beat yourself up for being a decent person.

Lambyr, two weeks wait for an appointment is absurd. Can you change GP? Where I live there are a few practices and the one I use keeps same day and next day appointments open so provided I don't mind which of the three GPs.I see (which I don't) I can usually see one in the evening if I ring in the morning, or the next day if I ring in the afternoon.

Pyxis, we suspended our plans after the Brexit vote, one of my colleagues wanted to wait to see what happens to sales as the rest of the EU is our biggest market (domestic is second, rest of the world is way, way behind).

tea_lover · 15 August 2016 at 3:22PM

Pyxis wrote: »

((((Tea))))))
One good thing is that you've found out early (ish) that he's the same old same old.
I find it quite funny, in a wry sort of way, that he is, again, blaming YOU for two-timing you.
Again.
At least you don't have to go through that awful moving-out time again, though.
Is your garage still full of his stuff?
:A :A :A

By the way, Tea, sorry if I've muddled you with Code or someone else, but were you thinking of changing jobs?

Code is changing jobs as we speak! Well, probably not today, but very soon

I'm always whinging about work but think I'll be sticking it out here for a while at least.

Yep- same old nonsense and apparently still my fault. But of course, he does love me, because he says so. So of course I'm the one in the wrong. Wrong for not telling him exactly what I was thinking at all times (without which, obviously, everyone is entitled to cheat). Wrong for deciding that, having blown his final chance, it is completely over (because now I'm the one 'giving up on things'). Wrong for not wanting to hear his excuses (I've been hearing them for a decade, I could recite them for him).

I am just so very wrong, wrong, wrong. Which makes you wonder why on earth he wants a relationship with me anyway!

It honestly is quite funny - in a soul-destroying kind of way.

Garage still pretty full. Some of it had gone but by no means all. I may work on the assumption that he's had plenty of chance to take the things he actually wants and just take the rest of it to the tip.

codemonkey · 15 August 2016 at 3:27PM

(((Tea))). FOH is clearly a muppet. What is the point of putting all that work in to fix things with you and then messing it up by having another one on the go? Whether you told people or not is irrelevant - I never told people about relationships unless they were over 6 months, unless you had a specific agreement that you both were allowed to see other people then he's just being a git. The telling you the other person is nuts thing is concerning because no doubt he's been telling the other one that you're a nutter. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You gave him another chance because you're a good person and he blew it. Him. Not you. I think it's maybe time to invoke the baseball rule now though.

Calley - It sounds to me like Lego man got into a new thing too soon and realised he's not over his ex. Again, not your fault. Casual dating sounds like a good idea as long as you don't get too attached. And not to be vulgar but it's sometimes nice to have a fwb to meet certain needs.

Lambyr - poor you. I second WaS' suggestion of the hot water bottle. In the meantime you can also take ibuprofen alongside paracetamol if you can tolerate NSAIDs. I have a condition called trigeminal neuralgia which is pain like that all the time so I know how horrible it is. If you can get to a pharmacy they sell up to 12/500 co-codamol over the counter which might help too.

Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

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