Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

tea_lover

Will penguin this next bit as it refers to religion, if anyone would rather it wasn't here at all just let me know and I'll happily delete it.

Penguin
What I'm finding hardest about this, if I'm honest, is that I really was convinced I was doing the right thing. I prayed about this all so much before I even contacted him in March, and a lot of my friends did the same. I was sure I needed to speak to him (which was all I thought it was going to be at the time). When I did speak to him and found out he'd been attending church weekly since Christmas I was amazed. We had a lot of conversations about faith, which we'd never done before. He really was the last person I thought would ever go to church, so for him to be attending for all that time when we weren't even speaking really surprised me. We even went to the ordination of a friend of his from church a few weeks ago and he really enjoyed it.

The only people who knew we were back in touch were some friends my church (including the guy he'd spoken to at Christmas, if anyone remembers that part!) They too were still praying about the situation and it really did seem that God was doing some amazing things for both of us. The whole situation felt..... blessed. I thought that God had told me to take a chance and trust them both (God and FOH), and that I was reaping the benefit of taking that leap of faith.

FOH was different in a lot of ways. He opened up, he talked about the impact things like his dad leaving had on him, he made such an effort. He also changed aspects of his life such as very much cutting down how often he went out drinking, taking up coaching children's football. I thought this meant that in a few years time we'd be able to look into adoption - as by that point we'd have lots of experience with children, FOH would be much more able to handle the social worker interviews etc.

It all just seemed to be coming together so well. I genuinely thought my prayers had been answered at last. What an idiot I've been.
End penguin.

I will stop rambling soon, I promise. As you can tell - I haven't talked to anyone else so now it's pouring out!

ETA: I know there are too many 'reallys' in that post!

calleyw

Tea,

You are not an idiot at all. You now know what he is really like and change for him is not possible.

Because of your faith you believed that he could and would change. And it was something that you wished with all your heart. But sadly he could not.

No you are not rambling its healthy to get it out of your head.

You now need to take it to heart that it was not or never your problem. It was him and you did all that you could to make it work. It takes two.

Yours

Calley X

Waves_and_Smiles

Penguin reply to tea

Massive hugs, that makes it even harder for you. You must feel very deceived. I can totally understand that you felt it was meant to be because of your faith and so many people praying for you and it sounds like FOH gave a pretty good impression of someone who had changed.

The thing is, even if he can improve himself by opening up more he won't be able to stop repeating the pattern until he takes responsibility for it which he just doesn't seem willing to do. Yes, praying for guidance may help him achieve that but ultimately he has free will and the choice lies with him. He is choosing to still blame the world and cling onto his unhealthy behaviour and until that changes it will continue.

It must have been doubly hard as you were thinking adoption might be possible, he has ripped that hope away from you as well as the hope for a relationship. But you do know now for sure that it cannot work and you can let go knowing you did nothing wrong and tried as hard as you could to make it work.

You aren't rambling! Talk as much as you need to, it must have been a nightmare carrying this alone for so long.

Pyxis

I'm amazed at myself. On Saturday afternoon, I pulled up some more triffids, but couldn't do too much as my wrists were killing me.

Then yesterday early morning I pulled up the rest. The thickest stemmed ones I had to just break off at the stems, so the roots will have to be dug up, but at least there's space in the garden now, and they won't keep growing.

I've left two of them, as they do produce these fantastic flower spikes up to 15ft high, with lots of little flowers that the bees just love, so if the frost doesn't get them this winter, they'll zoom up next Spring.

However, once the triffids were pulled up, it became apparent just how much the bindweed has taken over. I've never had a problem with bindweed before, so where's it come from? It's filling the space vacated by the dratted yucky ivy that I've been poisoning for years.

Plus, even though the triffids are up, there are still loads and loads of 'normal' weeds, so I'm afraid the weed killer will have to come out. My wrists can't take it!

The entire middle section of my garden has been a work in progress for 15years. It used to be grass, but I want to make a brick path maze, as it is so therapeutic walking a 2D maze. So it's been bare earth covered in weed membrane for about 13 years. The membrane finally perished, which is why the triffids took over.

I wish I'd photographed it now, before I pulled them up, as looking out over a dense canopy of 5ft high broad leaves filling almost the entire garden was quite something!

Now they are three large wilting piles of leaves and stems covered in irritant hairs, needing to be chopped up for the garden waste bin.

However, next priority is the bindweed.



WaS, if you can, watch a repeat of the British entry for the dressage competition. The horse is Blueberry (Allegro). It's a fantastic dancing horse! Absolutely brilliant! She's the highest scorer so far, at time of writing, but even if she doesn't win, the performance of this incredible horse is worth a look.

tea_lover

Thanks all. I should have said something sooner so you could all talk me out of it :rotfl:.

I feel very deceived, very angry, very hurt, very confused. For the life of me I cannot work out why he bothered. It is of course very tempting to go to him for answers but I do realise that way madness lies!

The Saturday before last, while he was showing off his new car to her and living it up at a party with her, I was getting him a key cut to my house. The one good thing is that I hadn't handed it over yet - not sure I could have faced telling my dad that I needed the locks changing again.

Waves_and_Smiles

I love the idea of a brick path maze, Pyxis! That would keep me amused for hours. Well done on tackling so much, I would have loved to have seen what your garden looked like beforehand, those tall plants sound amazing!

I am going to look for Blueberry, that sounds adorable!

calleyw

Pyxis,

Now don't take this the wrong way. But I thought I was bad with my garden. but You do have issues with your wrists so let you off.

I still need to sort the garden and parts of the house out. Fingers crossed with new lodger I might get a bit of help. So might make it easier.

Yours

Calley X

calleyw

tea_lover wrote: »

Thanks all. I should have said something sooner so you could all talk me out of it :rotfl:.

I feel very deceived, very angry, very hurt, very confused. For the life of me I cannot work out why he bothered. It is of course very tempting to go to him for answers but I do realise that way madness lies!

The Saturday before last, while he was showing off his new car to her and living it up at a party with her, I was getting him a key cut to my house. The one good thing is that I hadn't handed it over yet - not sure I could have faced telling my dad that I needed the locks changing again.

Tea,

The heart wants what the heart wants.

With someone like him you would never get any straight answers. So not much point as you say.

Its over and down and dusted and you are hurt and angry and you have every right to be. Please don't let it consume you.

Yours

Calley X

Torry_Quine

penguin reply to Tea
That was very hard as you had put so much of yourself and had prayed about so it seemed the right way to proceed. Don't be too hard on yourself, he seems like he did everything to convince you that he had changed The added thought that adoption was a possibility makes it even worse. you are not too blame for trying to see the best in someone. End penguin.

calleyw

While looking at washing machines I think I have found the one I want



Close to £800 :eek: and you can get it in pastel blue and white

yours

Calley X