My husband wants to leave me if I don’t have more children

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  • mattpaint
    mattpaint Posts: 294 Forumite
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    BorisThomson wrote: »
    I'm not sure you've thought this through. Would you try to get pregnant in the knowledge that there's a 50% chance you'd abort at 12 weeks? Each to their own but for me that shows no respect for yourself and the trauma it would cause, and more importantly (as they don't get a say in the matter) for your unborn child.

    There's a huge difference between aborting a pregnancy because of unexpected complications, and actively choosing to get pregnant in the knowledge that you may well abort it.

    No, there isn't. It is her choice and only her choice regardless.
  • Red-Squirrel_2
    Red-Squirrel_2 Posts: 4,341 Forumite
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    BorisThomson wrote: »
    I'm not sure you've thought this through. Would you try to get pregnant in the knowledge that there's a 50% chance you'd abort at 12 weeks? Each to their own but for me that shows no respect for yourself and the trauma it would cause, and more importantly (as they don't get a say in the matter) for your unborn child.

    There's a huge difference between aborting a pregnancy because of unexpected complications, and actively choosing to get pregnant in the knowledge that you may well abort it.

    I think you need to read to the end of the post before responding, OP clearly says further down that she does not want to take this option as she does not want to go through an abortion, but her husband is pressuring her to opt for one of their (all very poor) choices to have another baby without Fragile X.
  • Baby_Angel
    Baby_Angel Posts: 540 Forumite
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    Crazy_Diamond wrote: »
    Has anyone had a positive experience of having a second child after a disabled one? All the experiences here do seem to be quite negative.

    Our first daughter was born with Rubinstein-Taybi Syndrome. She didn't live long enough for us to see her disabilities fully. Died 5 months old. We did genetic tests just to be sure we are not passing on genetic conditions. All clear, but when I was pregnant I was told our second daughter will be born with Downs Syndrome. We did the 12 week test to confirm as ALL the doctor's and experts were relatively sure of the condition. The test was negative and we had our healthy daughter and she is 10 years old now.

    We were sure we didn't want any more children. We are as "normal" as a family can be, whatever "normal" is. Both of us have numerous siblings. However had our first daughter survived, we wouldn't have had any more children.
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  • phillw
    phillw Posts: 5,594 Forumite
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    Baby_Angel wrote: »
    We were sure we didn't want any more children. We are as "normal" as a family can be, whatever "normal" is.

    Everything you said was we/our/us. You may be lucky that you both felt the same way, or there may have been some discussions or even persuasion.

    If any of the decisions were based on ultimatums, then that isn't "normal".

    The OP should probably go see a relate counsellor.
  • MallyGirl
    MallyGirl Posts: 6,626 Senior Ambassador
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    Crazy_Diamond wrote: »
    Has anyone had a positive experience of having a second child after a disabled one? All the experiences here do seem to be quite negative.

    My DD's best friends are twins. Their older sister has drug resistant severe epilepsy. I am sure that the news of them being twins must have been a complete bombshell after deciding to have another child. They do manage but it has been very hard work, plus their twins will be off to uni in a few more years whereas the older girl will need some sort of caring environment for the rest of her life which will just emphasise the differences between them.
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  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Newbie
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    Sadly not.

    My cousin was born with a forceps delivery leaving him brain damanged. He was the firstborn.

    My two cousins who came after him have never had any time or attention as all efforts had to be concentrated on the older boy.

    Days out never happened, holidays never happened. On the odd trip away it was a school trip or one parent took them out but never as a family.

    He is an adult now and has been in a care home for years because as soon as he had a body the size of a man they werent able to cope.

    Their chance of a 'normal' family life ended the day he was born.
  • Ronaldo_Mconaldo
    Ronaldo_Mconaldo Posts: 5,197 Forumite
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    Tigsteroonie wrote: »
    So in his eyes, you've given him a 'duff' kid and unless you give him a decent kid, he's going to f off and find somebody else who will?

    Tell him to f off. Don't worry about how you'll manage, you'll find a way.

    Course she will, a single mum looking after a disabled child. What could possibly go wrong there?

    In a perfect world we can get all fairy tale and tell the evil husband to clear off but this is the real world where she'll be working all hours of the day to support herself and this unwanted child whilst husband is making his perfect family with a new, younger woman.

    No, best advice is to forget what everyone on here has said (except me) and do as he says.
  • Out,_Vile_Jelly
    Out,_Vile_Jelly Posts: 4,842 Forumite
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    What this thread highlights is how little society acknowledges the tremendous physical and emotional strain on parents of disabled children; especially the relentless worry about what will happen when they pass on.

    I would be happy to pay more tax to support more carers and respite homes.
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
  • moneyistooshorttomention
    moneyistooshorttomention Posts: 17,940 Forumite
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    ssparks2003 wrote: »
    WOW, he sounds a lovely person, perhaps a knee jerk reaction but I would be telling him to pack his bag and foxtrot oscar this weekend. If he can't love his son and accept him for how he is, should he be having anymore children?

    To which I would add that if he really loved you as much as a husband should love a wife - he would want to stay with you anyway regardless of whether there are more children or no.

    Personally - I wouldnt see the point of staying with a man that didnt love me enough regardless.
  • moneyistooshorttomention
    moneyistooshorttomention Posts: 17,940 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    Would he be so keen on having another child if he was the one doing the 24/7 caring?

    He's putting his wants before you and the child he has - you might be better off without him around!

    Or the one going through 9 months pregnancy and then childbirth and facing the risk of permanent damage to your body from that (which, I gather, is a pretty high level of risk). Even if your body got totally back to normal after the first pregnancy - doesnt mean to say it would after a second one.
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