When is infidelity infidelity?

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  • System
    System Posts: 178,100 Community Admin
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Why?. Genuine question

    We are talking about "open" flirting not something behind your back

    Its disrespectful to your partner for one.

    disrespectful

    showing a lack of respect or courtesy; impolite.

    synonyms: discourteous, rude, impolite, uncivil, unmannerly, ill-mannered, bad-mannered, ungracious, irreverent, inconsiderate.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,840 Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Why?. Genuine question

    We are talking about "open" flirting not something behind your back
    That still doesn't make it right. If my husband were to flirt openly then I would be very annoyed and hurt.
    Judi wrote: »
    Its disrespectful to your partner for one.

    disrespectful

    showing a lack of respect or courtesy; impolite.

    synonyms: discourteous, rude, impolite, uncivil, unmannerly, ill-mannered, bad-mannered, ungracious, irreverent, inconsiderate.

    I agree.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • IAmWales
    IAmWales Posts: 2,024 Forumite
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    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    You can have a strong relationships and still have an issue with flirting.

    In which case you either have unadressed trust issues, or need to chill out a little.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,840 Forumite
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    IAmWales wrote: »
    In which case you either have unadressed trust issues, or need to chill out a little.

    I have no trust issues. To me when you're in a relationship it's wrong to flirt with someone else.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    edited 8 July 2017 at 9:11PM
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    Judi wrote: »
    Its disrespectful to your partner for one.

    disrespectful

    showing a lack of respect or courtesy; impolite.

    synonyms: discourteous, rude, impolite, uncivil, unmannerly, ill-mannered, bad-mannered, ungracious, irreverent, inconsiderate.


    We can all play the definition game.

    Trust

    "Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other."

    My partner is a flirt. I trust her into the ground. If she's flirting openly with someone then I reckon she's happy and enjoying herself on a night out together. I know it's not going to go any further and I know we are going to be going home with each other

    We go out in a group. We split up and chat, dance etc with various people during the night. We touch base at times to make sure it's all going fine and to see if there is any interesting news. If I look up and see her talking animatedly to a bloke it doesn't bother me in the slightest - be that be someone from our group or someone she has randomly met.

    How does that work for those who have issues with their partners flirting?

    Really not having a go but trying to understand how it looks from the other side. Or is this just something that doesn't happen?. I fully recognise that different relationships work in different ways
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,559 Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    Why?. Genuine question

    We are talking about "open" flirting not something behind your back

    It comes back to different people being happy with different things within their relationship.

    If both people are happy with any particular behaviour - such as flirting - that's fine for them.

    Others may not be - it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with their relationship.
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    It comes back to different people being happy with different things within their relationship.

    If both people are happy with any particular behaviour - such as flirting - that's fine for them.

    Others may not be - it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with their relationship.

    Totally agree - but that's where both are happy with a particular behaviour.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,840 Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    We can all play the definition game.

    Trust

    "Trusting someone means that you think they are reliable, you have confidence in them and you feel safe with them physically and emotionally. Trust is something that two people in a relationship can build together when they decide to trust each other."

    My partner is a flirt. I trust her into the ground. If she's flirting openly with someone then I reckon she's happy and enjoying herself on a night out together. I know it's not going to go any further and I know we are going to be going home with each other

    We go out in a group. We split up and chat, dance etc with various people during the night. We touch base at times to make sure it's all going fine and to see if there is any interesting news. If I look up and see her talking animatedly to a bloke it doesn't bother me in the slightest - be that be someone from our group or someone she has randomly met.

    How does that work for those who have issues with their partners flirting?

    Really not having a go but trying to understand how it looks from the other side. Or is this just something that doesn't happen?. I fully recognise that different relationships work in different ways
    Talking to someone is one thing, flirting is something else entirely. The scenario you talk of isn't something I recognise though, why go out together and then split up?
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
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    edited 8 July 2017 at 9:58PM
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    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    Talking to someone is one thing, flirting is something else entirely. The scenario you talk of isn't something I recognise though, why go out together and then split up?


    To spend time with other people. To catch up with someone you haven't seen for a while. To dance to music that your partner doesn't like. To meet new folks. To find out what one of your friends has been up to. To chat with the guys while she is doing the same with the girls. To actually spend time not in each other's pockets. To wander up to the bar and bump into an old friend etc etc

    Much harder to do if you are stuck like glue to your other half

    I don't recognise going out together in a group and spending the entire time with her. She'd hate it, too.

    And, talking to someone can be flirting.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,840 Forumite
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    NeilCr wrote: »
    To spend time with other people. To catch up with someone you haven't seen for a while. To dance to music that your partner doesn't like. To meet new folks. To find out what one of your friends has been up to. To chat with the guys while she is doing the same with the girls. To actually spend time not in each other's pockets. To wander up to the bar and bump into an old friend etc etc

    Much harder to do if you are stuck like glue to your other half

    I don't recognise going out together in a group and spending the entire time with her. She'd hate it, too.

    And, talking to someone can be flirting.

    If out in a group then the group would be spending time together. It seems strange to then go off and spend time away from them.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
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