Reallife MMD: Should I send wedding invites to family members who can't come?

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  • Voyager2002
    Voyager2002 Posts: 15,286 Forumite
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    Yes: sending them an invitation is a nice gesture and makes them feel included. You might need their support at some point in the future, so the cost of a stamp for this could be a very rewarding investment.
  • rachiibell
    rachiibell Posts: 300 Forumite
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    I think it seems a bit pointless if they've already said they can't come. However it might be nice to send one to any relatives you're very close to as a memento with a note saying you understand they can't come but wanted to let them know you were thinking of them ect
  • janiebquick
    janiebquick Posts: 432 Forumite
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    If they've personally said to YOU that they can't come, then don't send them an invitation.

    But don't assume they can't come. I was furious with one of my OH's sisters who got married in Australia and took it upon herself to assume that no-one from the UK would come, so no invitation. OH and I would seriously have thought of going to visit had we been invited.
    'Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.' George Carlin
  • wba31
    wba31 Posts: 2,189 Forumite
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    Do what you want to do, it's your wedding. If you think it's pointless then don't bother. If people are offended its up to them to be adult enough to sort it out with you.

    When i got married my parents and the in-laws didnt interfere for long before Mrs WBA and I put them right...
  • pennypinchUK
    pennypinchUK Posts: 383 Forumite
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    Why do too many mothers stick their noses in, rather than leave the happy couple to run their day the way they want to?

    An easy solution is to simply phone the people who can't attend, and tell them you would have invited them but you know they can't, unfortunately, can't come. That way, they get the personal touch from you, and there's no embarrassment either side.
  • EM193
    EM193 Posts: 1 Newbie
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    I'd save the money as weddings are so expensive but maybe you could save a wedding invite & enclose it in their Christmas or Birthday card so they have something of the wedding and know you were thinking of them
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 11,906 Forumite
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    Compromise with mum? She is to identify the 20 of her generation who won't come but who would be massively offended is they were not to receive an invitation. You send electronic invites to your generation who won't come, aren't unduly fussed but will be amused/pleased/startled to receive an invitation.

    Your MiL sort of has a point - there is an (oldfashioned) school of thought that thinks an invite means a present should be given, or just General Benevolence extended towards the young couple - why miss out on the benevolence for the cost of another invite & a stamp?! Any anxious relative can always call your mother who can issue the benevolent "I know they will be happy to have your blessing on their special day"...

    I know postage is a swine, but for the severely elderlies, just the thought of dear little so & so all grown up & getting married can keep them happy for *days*. So lay out on stamps and bring a little happiness, even if you're unlikely to see them in this life. If you can follow up with a wedding photo a few weeks later, even happier. But that is a counsel of perfection & you may want to agree the idea, the photo & the recipients with mum & then step gracefully back.

    Me, I invited pretty much the whole tribe & the whole clan as while we didn't have seating space at church, it was more than likely that folks would stay over & thus ongoing family parties with the wedding as a pretext would occur. If I hadn't invited them, the pretext would be lost, an opportunity to catch up & have a good natter would would be missed, and it would be All My Fault...
    (Besides which, we printed our own invitations & orders of service.)

    All the best with the preparations, the Day & the happily married life thereafter!
  • Dolly_DD
    Dolly_DD Posts: 19 Forumite
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    Whose wedding is it.........you or your Mum's? I'm not meaning to be rude or offensive with that comment. I got into a bit of a state with my own wedding with everyone wanting a say of what was right and wrong. I only wanted a small wedding in the first place! But after a lot of sole searching and facing facts, and to cut a long story short, me and my husband got married with two friends present and that was it. We had a lovely day. Everyone got over it. And we'll have been married 16 years this year! But no, don't send invites to those folk who won't be and have no intention of coming. Have a lovely day and a wonderful life together.
  • julie777
    julie777 Posts: 340 Forumite
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    florere wrote: »
    How about sending them a hand written letter saying that you are sorry they can't come but if things change they are welcome to do so. I expect your mum thinks a proper invite would be a nice thing for them to put on the mantlepiece

    Totally agree. They will really appreciate the letter.
  • Cloudane
    Cloudane Posts: 524 Forumite
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    Erm... well I've never got married so I'm not sure how it works and why inviting people is expensive (surely with the invitation itself, a bit of card wouldn't break the bank - though the last invitation I had was "what are you doing a week on Saturday?"). From others doing it, it looks like it's because for big planned weddings you have to go to a commercial wedding planner who compiles like a list of "components" (meal, champagne etc) and then charges per head?

    Have to admit, it's not my thing. I think if I got married, I'd rather it was "special" because of who I'm marrying and managing to get all friends/relatives etc there rather than having spent my life savings on diamond encrusted invitations and £200 per head meals, and receiving gifts. (On that note, I'd rather just say "bring yourself", I think I'd die of embarrassment if I had a 'gift list'). Heh, I'd be happy dragging everyone to Wetherspoons afterwards or something like that, and they can buy their own drinks too :p But hey, these are probably all good reasons why I'm still single :D

    Anyway no, it makes no sense to me to invite people who've already said they can't come. Why would you do that? :/ If you want them to feel special just send a card saying sorry you couldn't make it.
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