14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Loving the pic.Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early.:D....... Going to have to rethink that scenario as have been screwed over by the company. A work in progress.0 -
I wouldn't worry about being angry and stroppy with her, if she's going to phone and stick her nose in, then she gets what she gets.
It also doesn't matter how he thinks of what you said, that's his problem, you have no intention of getting together again, so who cares?
I'd be secretly gloating that he was grumpy about living in a small house and having to pay the bills for a change [ I was when my ex suddenly discovered the same thing, I used to see posts by him on Facebook saying he hasn't got enough money for food, excpet he managed to find it for booze....welcome to the real world my lovely]
Anyway, enjoy your meal
Shampoo? No thanks, I'll have real poo...0 -
my-user-name wrote: »Tomorrow will just have to be a "to hell with it" day calicocat lol Ive waited almost all week for this one meal so I'm going to make the most of it!!
My normal "self" would ring his step mum up and apologise for going off on a tangent as Primrose advises but I'm not sure if it will do more harm than good.She probably heard a different side to me tonight,good or not good I'm not so sure??
Hes 57 I think this April,pretty sure hes that age.
Yesterday I kind of felt sorry for him,right now I'm don't.Im not sure if he asked his step mum to ring,I think possibly yes but I cant say that for definite.As for his new house,new home thing,well no one forced him to sign on the dotted line,did she want me to feel sorry for him??don't know but besides that I didn't feel one bit sorry for him.I know he,ll be panicking regarding his car,his pride and joy which he cherish,s,he has a hissy fit if anyone goes near it so he,ll be worried,very worried.
Men,I,ll never understand them?
Well she's just going to have to accept that you aren't your normal self right now, as your normal self has been shiiit on from a great height by a cowardly child, with no explanation, and who needs his mum to ring for him........ at 57 ??? . The bloke is a pillock .
He sound like a neighbour I had once , more in love with his car than people. Another neighbour used to say " I swear to god he makes love to that car as apposed to washing it every Saturday"....:D.
He's going to be too busy watching his car to feed himself now, he'll lose more weight, unless mummy sends a food parcel. Remember that when you are eating your burger and drinking cocktails with a friend.
Wouldn't shock me if he ends back at mummy's if his car is in danger.Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early.:D....... Going to have to rethink that scenario as have been screwed over by the company. A work in progress.0 -
Morning everyone
Hope you don't mind me posting - but I've read all the way through this thread and feel so much for you that he wasn't even man enough to speak to you face to face before sneaking off whilst you were sleeping, show's such weakness of character! Also the telephone call - loads of excellent advice/views already given by other OP's but don't beat yourself up over telling his "mother"whats what - why on earth is she getting involved, if he has anything to say he should be man enough to do his own dirty work. I might get shot down for saying this, but looking at everything you've said and some others have highlighted this - the line from her about he wants you to know he never cheated blah blah, something has/is going on - there's more to that I feel sure, why like others have said is that what he's focusing on after practically no contact? Has he overstepped the mark/had his head turned been found out and left so suddenly and tried to blame you so he doesn't look like the "bad" one or maybe he developed feelings for someone else, left without giving you the decent explanation you deserve and now the grass is not greener or it's not worked out how he thought. I haven't posted to upset you but just some of my thoughts from an outsiders point of view - I can stand back and not be influenced as I'm not involved. And lastly, you could ring the "mother" and apologise - as it's not her that's done wrong (although she should have had enough backbone to tell him to sort his own life out!) - you could take the moral high ground here, just phone her to apologise for the way you spoke to her and be detached and calm, be calm and distant, make it a quick call, don't get drawn in to a conversation, just say what you need to, stay in control of the call from start to finish. Before you call think out what you want to say and stick with that.
Hope this helps - maybe not - but just some other things to think of, and remember if he can't be honest upfront decent and talk like an adult then he's not worthy of your time love or respect.
Keep safe and well x
nmlc xWEIGHTLOSS SINCE JUNE 2009 - 5 ST 2LB0 -
Perhaps he's playing mind games with you.my-user-name wrote: »She asked me if I was ok and I said "yes I'm fine".She then told me she had been speaking to her precious son and he is desperate to reassure me that he has never cheated on me in the 14 years we were together.,she said he wants me to know this.He told her her that he had tried to talk to me to reassure me(so that must of been that one single text he sent me at midnight)but that I refused to talk.
He wants to plant a seed in your mind about being unfaithful.
He wants you running around a wheel like a hamster, gnawing at this little snippet of information.
Why? Why? Why? And on and on and on......my-user-name wrote: »Her parting words were "I can see you still love him otherwise you wouldn't be as angry as you are,maybe you should just concentrate on making yourself happy"
What a stupid thing for her to say!
You can't turn love on and off like a tap!
Maybe they are both playing mind games with you.0 -
my-user-name wrote: »Yes your right,she shouldn't of phoned me.It wasn't to ask how I am,it was to reassure me he didn't cheat on me.
Why is this one point so important to him?? surely he would know its all the other stuff which I needed to know not this?
I doubt it had anything to do with cheating/not cheating, but an excuse to talk to you to tell you he's not happy where he's currently living and therefore a way to shoehorn him back into your life.
I think you handled her well actually. I too would have given her a piece of my mind. The manchild has now used 2 people to do his 'dirty' work for him. Says a lot about him.
There is a snowball's chance in hell i'd be apologising to her or even speaking to her again.Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j0 -
my-user-name wrote: »
My normal "self" would ring his step mum up and apologise for going off on a tangent as Primrose advises but I'm not sure if it will do more harm than good.She
?
Nooooooooo. If you'd been the one to ring her and 'kick off' then maybe. However she rang you - when you'd been asleep remember!
You didn't ask her to ring and plead on his behalf for you to say, there there, it's ok, it must be awful for him having to cater for himself now, tell him he can come back.
In their dreams!
Edit to add, she wasn't just the messenger. If she hadn't wanted to ring you she wouldn't have. He may or may not have known she was going to ring you.Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee. :j0 -
From an unfortunate start, You Done Good. If he has the cojones to get in touch via another third party, there won't be many volunteers & you've made it very plain you regard him as the scum of the earth.
Definitely have that burger with all the goodies. Enjoy every bite!
Call back & apologise? Why on earth? She invaded your personal space with his blethering, she's got the apologies to make, not you. As for where he lives, how his car is, it is no longer your concern. He walked, after all.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
As for the "you must care" no, you may however be righteously p!ssed off at her judgmental and invasive conduct on behalf of a person who should be big enough to cope on his own & if he isn't, well, gosh.
Still Not Your Circus, Still Not Your Monkeys.
Indeed if she does call back, (a) I'd let it ring & (b) I'd be minded to have a chat with the police about phone harassment.
How long it takes for them to realise that no, he is not welcome, & indeed if she wants to take him in, she'll probably fairly soon realise the outline of why you are in no hurry to ever hear from him again. Not, as a loving family member, that she'll allow herself to say it, of course.
Grin nastily - you're shot of him. If she wants to accept him as her problem, her business, but after that lesson in attempted peacemaker, most of the family will be less than keep to step & say what a great guy he is to you, knowing (or being quite able to guess) what the response will be.
Just be gentle with the stepsons who you do get on with - they may be being fed a new & exciting range of tales that bear perilously little truth - meet with them as friends not family if you & they can.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. You're doing brilliantly, so stick at it & he will rightly & properly fade out of your life. Thee will be odd bad moments, but they pass.0 -
DigForVictory wrote: »From an unfortunate start, You Done Good. If he has the cojones to get in touch via another third party, there won't be many volunteers & you've made it very plain you regard him as the scum of the earth.
Definitely have that burger with all the goodies. Enjoy every bite!
Call back & apologise? Why on earth? She invaded your personal space with his blethering, she's got the apologies to make, not you. As for where he lives, how his car is, it is no longer your concern. He walked, after all.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
As for the "you must care" no, you may however be righteously p!ssed off at her judgmental and invasive conduct on behalf of a person who should be big enough to cope on his own & if he isn't, well, gosh.
Still Not Your Circus, Still Not Your Monkeys.
Indeed if she does call back, (a) I'd let it ring & (b) I'd be minded to have a chat with the police about phone harassment.
How long it takes for them to realise that no, he is not welcome, & indeed if she wants to take him in, she'll probably fairly soon realise the outline of why you are in no hurry to ever hear from him again. Not, as a loving family member, that she'll allow herself to say it, of course.
Grin nastily - you're shot of him. If she wants to accept him as her problem, her business, but after that lesson in attempted peacemaker, most of the family will be less than keep to step & say what a great guy he is to you, knowing (or being quite able to guess) what the response will be.
Just be gentle with the stepsons who you do get on with - they may be being fed a new & exciting range of tales that bear perilously little truth - meet with them as friends not family if you & they can.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. You're doing brilliantly, so stick at it & he will rightly & properly fade out of your life. Thee will be odd bad moments, but they pass.
Thanks so much to everyone who has posted not only today but everyday since I started this thread,I don't think any of you realise jut how much your words have helped me,they most definatly have.Many times I read everyones words over and over again and they have all sunk in that I do know.I just wanted to say thank you to each and every one of you,your all awesome!
Ok just 2 things tonight..£8.15 FOR A BURGER????????bloody expensive but it was delicious!! no cheese cake though,I was going to get one but I saw the one that was brought out to the bloke on the next table,it was tiny!!! and I wasn't going to spend £4.50 on such a farty piece of cheesecake lol
Had a lovely time with Miss Envelope and we both learned so much more about each other,it was lovely and we will definatly do it again for sure.
The other thing is......hes raised his ugly head via a letter I received in dinnertimes post
I didn't realise it was from him because he only writes in calligraphy,this was a normal pen letter.In fact there was a first class stamp on it so he must of been trying to impress me lol
Yet again all that was mentioned was "I didn't cheat on you",he said hes been talking with his step mum and he wants to reasure me that "I have not had a affair,or having a affair,nor will be having an affair with anybody in the future," He said he slept at his real mothers for 20 nights he was there,and has spent the last 5 or 6 night alone in his new home.He then said he dosent know if I have spoken to anyone else recently but he has told his step mum the truth that he has not had a affair.Then he just signed it with his name.
There was no "sorry for hurting you"...no "this is why I left you"....or "these are the reasons why I fell out of love with you" or even "I know Ive hurt you"I honestly think he has forgotten about leaving me weeks ago,it feels as if that's not important to him,what is important is the fact he hasn't had a affair and is determined to make me believe that?????
So the letters here and the only thing I can do is throw it away,I cant put it through his door because I don't know where he lives.I wont be ringing him that's for sure ,I just worry if he thinks I'm ignoring him then he will actually try and see me to make me understand.
Throughout the 14 years we always said we would never cheat on each other and if either of us develop feelings for someone else then we will be honest and say.He knows 100% I would of kicked him to the kerb during the relationship if I ever did find out he was cheating during our relationship so why is he so hell bent on trying to reassure me???
I think I just want to be left in peace,seems I cant get that from him or his step mum 0 -
Burn the letter. He's an idiot.Shampoo? No thanks, I'll have real poo...0
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