Money Moral Dilemma: Should we increase our son's pocket money?

Former_MSE_Nick · 7 October 2016 at 1:42PM

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

Our son's been complaining he gets less pocket money than his friends. We've told him that if he wants more money he should get a part-time job; he says he's working hard for his GCSEs and so hasn't got the time. Should we relent or stand firm?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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scotsbob · 12 October 2016 at 12:10AM

If you can afford it yes. If you can't explain why you can't.

Lisbon · 12 October 2016 at 12:37AM

You're his parents. Is he really working hard - studying at home, getting good grades at school etc? If so, why jinx it. Find him some things to do round the house or in the garden and pay extra when he does them.

If on the other hand he's a layabout today, tell him so and stand your ground until you see a real improvement in his work ethic and school results.

kazt2006 · 12 October 2016 at 6:44AM

I guess it depends on what the differential is between the friends!

My initial reaction was stick to your gut instinct and say no. However, if it's a constant source of friction in the house, then I would suggest possibly talking to the other parents so if you know them to see whether the claims are true. This will also reinforce if there is no bullying going on or that he is not getting into bad habits.

The other option is to bribe him with his GCSE results if you can afford it. Say he can't have an increase in pocket money but set a level he must achieve to receive extra reward. e.g. No. of A* Grades, or No. of subjects he gets better than predicted grades.

redfred66 · 12 October 2016 at 8:30AM

Very similar issue in our house so we found our son a part time job delivering leaflets. he only has to do it once a month and it takes about 4 HRS so not a huge impact on study time etc... he gets paid £25 a month and as an added incentive we agreed to match this if his homework and revision is done on time.

tgroom57 · 12 October 2016 at 8:33AM

If you stand firm you run the risk he will get a part-time job and say to h3ll with the GCSEs.

I'd meet him half-way and find a way to pay for his homework grades on an ongoing weekly basis, to encourage study and because it is only the start of the year, after all. This system worked very well for mine, and made one daughter realise that 20% in Maths meant lots more work before Christmas- and she did it too.

MAYK7 · 12 October 2016 at 9:08AM

Wow.

I think people (esp. young people) need to learn/ be taught the value of money, and the only way this happens is if they have to work for things they want.

Just handing out money because it is asked for, in my opinion, does little more than foster a sense of entitlement.

For the record, I'm speaking as someone from a VERY poor family background who worked part-time beginning at 14, and still managed to get great GCSE and A levels results, and two bachelors degrees that I funded by working.

I was amazed while at University by the number of students content to never work, live off loans and overdrafts and then wonder why, even with a first degree, they struggled to gain employment upon graduation - the lack of work experience REALLY hurt them.

If you want something, I see nothing wrong with having to earn it. If you have enough free time to spend money, you have enough free time to earn some.

BlaEm · 12 October 2016 at 9:20AM

You certainly should never do something just because 'all my friends get X'

but he does have a point that his studies should come first, but if he's in his teens it's a good time to learn responsibilities.

When I was about 15 my parents starting giving me an extra £50 each month (on top of my £5/week pocket money), but from that I was expected to buy all my clothes, toiletries, shoes, pay for days out with friends etc. I did also have a Saturday job - which they only let me keep because my grades didn't suffer.

I'm sure they'd never have let me go without essentials if I mismanaged my money, but it was actually a very good lesson in budgeting and money management - knowing that I had cash in the bank but it wasn't all 'fun money'.

We were also bribed with cash for grades in our GCSE's - and were told that there would be no extra help for driving lessons. Living in a tiny hamlet with no public transport, this was the best incentive to study hard they could think of

stmartinsdiver · 12 October 2016 at 9:28AM

Teenagers are very good (as are all children) at telling parents all their friends have better/more things than they do. Too many of them are so well funded by their parents they never get to learn the value of money as it magically appears when needed. If he gets a small weekend or early morning job he will not only appreciate what he earns or is given but he will also realise how important those GCSE's are if he wants to get a well paid job when he is no longer a student. Perhaps an offer of a small increase in pocket money if he finds and keeps a part time job would do the trick?

Emmagreen80 · 12 October 2016 at 9:53AM

I went from oxbridge hopefully to ending up at a poly due to being forced to work 20+ hours a week by my parents while at college. I couldn't get the graduate job I wanted with such poor results so I went back to college in my 20's, then to uni again and ended up being a graduate in my 30's. Everybody is different but that's what happened to me.

ButterflyLC · 12 October 2016 at 10:01AM

So your son has sat you down and complained that you don't give him enough free money? I had to work to get my pocket money, i.e cook dinner, clean my room, hoover the house, do the dishes etc. When I complained that my sister did a lot less than me and wasn't taking her turn, our pocket money was stopped. So I had to work all the way through my exams, I still got high grades and went to university. It won't do him any harm to get a Saturday job so I think you are quite right to say get a part time job. I think kids need to learn the value of money these days and not be handed everything on a plate. Otherwise you are left with whiny adults that can't look after themselves properly. Stand your ground, he's being a typical teenager and just toeing the line to see how far he can get. If he's that bothered he will find a job.

Money Moral Dilemma: Should we increase our son's pocket money?

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