An amicable divorce with an inevitable twist
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jimmyo
Posts: 18 Forumite
Hi,
Sorry for the slightly melodramatic title! My partner and I are 'amicably' (if such thing exists) divorcing, no kids, no property, but there is inevitably a sticking point. I would really appreciate some advice before heading to a solicitor, which I hope won't be necessary, so I'll outline the details below:
- I got into a lot of debt (cards, loans, overdrafts) for no malicious reason; it just snowballed due to my unwillingness/inability to own up to it/deal with it.
- this all came out and understandably had an effect on the relationship
- we are now divorcing. I said amicably as we halved the court fees and I even wrote the grounds for my unreasonable behaviour!
- however, I still owe my partner £3500 from money they bailed me out with/other costs such as moving that I didn't have the money to cover.
- we are both young (30ish) professionals and they earn slightly more than me
- I have no savings as all the extra I was earning before we split was going towards our savings/paying them back.
- as far as I know, they have £10k+ saved
- I have no other debts save a £50 overdraft
- they are I think worried that once the divorce goes through I'll try to forget about the money i owe (I've been paying them back around £100 a month informally since the split, which we agreed verbally)
- I've said verbally that I'd want to pay it back even if we weren't married
They want me to get a loan out to pay them back. You can probably see why I would think that that is a bad idea, even if I could get one. Plus I have discovered that unregulated debt between two people isn't an acceptable reason for underwriters. They even suggested that i get someone else to get a loan out and then pay that person back! And they are now threatening legal action to investigate ways of getting the money back.
Basically (and I promise I won't be surprised if the response is get legal advice) I would like to know my position here. We intend to get a clean break order. But I was wondering whether I could gently suggest (and definitely NOT threaten - not my vibe or intention) that I could be entitled to half the money that they have saved up? We have similar pension situations being quite young and on schemes for the same amount of time.
Any advice gratefully received and I apologise for the wall of text. thanks!
EDIT: I should clarify that I intend to pay the money back and DEFINITELY do not intend to go after the savings, which is not !y money amd to which I have no moral right; I just wanted to perhaps discover whether I could gently suggest that involving solicitors is perhaps pointless in this scenario.
Sorry for the slightly melodramatic title! My partner and I are 'amicably' (if such thing exists) divorcing, no kids, no property, but there is inevitably a sticking point. I would really appreciate some advice before heading to a solicitor, which I hope won't be necessary, so I'll outline the details below:
- I got into a lot of debt (cards, loans, overdrafts) for no malicious reason; it just snowballed due to my unwillingness/inability to own up to it/deal with it.
- this all came out and understandably had an effect on the relationship
- we are now divorcing. I said amicably as we halved the court fees and I even wrote the grounds for my unreasonable behaviour!
- however, I still owe my partner £3500 from money they bailed me out with/other costs such as moving that I didn't have the money to cover.
- we are both young (30ish) professionals and they earn slightly more than me
- I have no savings as all the extra I was earning before we split was going towards our savings/paying them back.
- as far as I know, they have £10k+ saved
- I have no other debts save a £50 overdraft
- they are I think worried that once the divorce goes through I'll try to forget about the money i owe (I've been paying them back around £100 a month informally since the split, which we agreed verbally)
- I've said verbally that I'd want to pay it back even if we weren't married
They want me to get a loan out to pay them back. You can probably see why I would think that that is a bad idea, even if I could get one. Plus I have discovered that unregulated debt between two people isn't an acceptable reason for underwriters. They even suggested that i get someone else to get a loan out and then pay that person back! And they are now threatening legal action to investigate ways of getting the money back.
Basically (and I promise I won't be surprised if the response is get legal advice) I would like to know my position here. We intend to get a clean break order. But I was wondering whether I could gently suggest (and definitely NOT threaten - not my vibe or intention) that I could be entitled to half the money that they have saved up? We have similar pension situations being quite young and on schemes for the same amount of time.
Any advice gratefully received and I apologise for the wall of text. thanks!
EDIT: I should clarify that I intend to pay the money back and DEFINITELY do not intend to go after the savings, which is not !y money amd to which I have no moral right; I just wanted to perhaps discover whether I could gently suggest that involving solicitors is perhaps pointless in this scenario.
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Comments
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Why risk kicking a hornet's nest?
Don't know if it would stand up in court but if its your intention to repay the £3500 then why not suggest you give them a written agreement to repay the money at an agreed rate on a agreed date that they could use against you if you 'defaulted'0 -
gettingtheresometime wrote: »Why risk kicking a hornet's nest?
Don't know if it would stand up in court but if its your intention to repay the £3500 then why not suggest you give them a written agreement to repay the money at an agreed rate on a agreed date that they could use against you if you 'defaulted'
My thoughts exactly!
I should clarify that my intention is to pay it back no matter what; I just wanted to perhaps discover whether I could gently suggest that involving solicitors could backfire if I was a conscienceless type.0 -
Have a read of this:
http://www.divorce.co.uk/your-finances/understanding-the-law-finances
Basically if this went to court and you live in England or Wales any decisions are made on the premise that all assets are shared on a 50/50 basis. Your solicitors would then have to put their case for anything different.
In your situation you need to weigh up the cost of using solicitors, having your approach to money discussed in court etc etc against the possibility of getting half the savings.
Only you can make this decision.
As regards what you owe your ex you can write out an agreement and have it turned into a legal document by a solicitor.0 -
Wow - so your partner bailed you out - and you are now threatening to go after their savings ? Well I suppose if you want to ensure there is no more amicable in your divorce that's one way to do it !
What is it about divorce that makes decent people turn into scumbags ?I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
Wow - so your partner bailed you out - and you are now threatening to go after their savings ? Well I suppose if you want to ensure there is no more amicable in your divorce that's one way to do it !
What is it about divorce that makes decent people turn into scumbags ?
Unsure whether you spotted my edit, but that is definitely NOT my intention!
I just wondered whether I could enlighten my partner to that fact to get them reconsider trying to force me to get a loan out with the threat of legal action (which I would suggest is a slightly more scumbaggy act!) 
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Well if you're prepared to give them written confirmation that you'll pay it back @ £100 per month why not suggest it?
As far as I know if they took you to the small claims court then you have the option of repaying the money back in instalments (provided they agreed!) so they would be in no worse a position.
Personally I would take the threat of you going after my savings if I didn't agree as nothing more than blackmail so you'd lose any moral ground that you think you have now.0 -
gettingtheresometime wrote: »Well if you're prepared to give them written confirmation that you'll pay it back @ £100 per month why not suggest it?
As far as I know if they took you to the small claims court then you have the option of repaying the money back in instalments (provided they agreed!) so they would be in no worse a position.
Personally I would take the threat of you going after my savings if I didn't agree as nothing more than blackmail so you'd lose any moral ground that you think you have now.
I already tried that but it doesn't seem to have convinced them! But thanks, I shall pursue it again.
Also,I feel like I must reiterate that I don't want to threaten my going after the savings, more just enlighten them to the fact that I could, but wouldn't, as I genuinely don't think they realise that that could happen! 0 -
So it's a veiled threat rather than a direct one ?
Honestly .........It isn't going to go down well.
I'm really hoping you are posting after a few Friday night beers and in the cold light of day you decide it wasn't the greatest plan !I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
pmlindyloo wrote: »Have a read of this:
http://www.divorce.co.uk/your-finances/understanding-the-law-finances
Basically if this went to court and you live in England or Wales any decisions are made on the premise that all assets are shared on a 50/50 basis. Your solicitors would then have to put their case for anything different.
In your situation you need to weigh up the cost of using solicitors, having your approach to money discussed in court etc etc against the possibility of getting half the savings.
Only you can make this decision.
As regards what you owe your ex you can write out an agreement and have it turned into a legal document by a solicitor.
Thanks for this. I must stress that I don't want to go after the savings - it's not my money! - I just wanted to try to avoid any unnecessary extra costs that would arise, as you suggest, from having to involve solicitors.0 -
So it's a veiled threat rather than a direct one ?
Honestly .........It isn't going to go down well.
I'm really hoping you are posting after a few Friday night beers and in the cold light of day you decide it wasn't the greatest plan !
Well you got the first bit right, but I also agree with the second bit!
All I want them to realise is that I intend to pay them back, as I have been doing, and that taking legal advice probably isnt worth it. I promise that there's no skullduggery involved. :A
EDIT: "first bit" being :beer: of course!0
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