Advice for dad bailing daughter out

Options
2

Comments

  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 28,888 Ambassador
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Photogenic
    Options
    Got to agree with the majority on here, as long as she knows bank of dad is there to bail her out, she wont change her spending habits.

    Sometimes a shock to the system is what it takes for someone to see the error of their ways, i would say stand back dad (hard i know, i have two daughters and a little boy) and let the crisis unfold, see how she deals with it, steer her in the direction of the debt charities if need be, but she has to be allowed to make and mend, her own mistakes, otherwise she`ll keep going round to dad every time things get rough, instead of dealing with it herself.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
  • zippygeorgeandben
    zippygeorgeandben Posts: 1,273 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Debt-free and Proud!
    Options
    and potentially in the future you and your wife might need to use your hard earned money for a REAL emergency. How would you feel if say ten years down the line you turn to your wife and say 'Actually, darling, we haven't got the money for this medical emergency because I've been bailing my daughter out..'
    Savings as of April 2023 Savings account - £26460.50(14474.88)Current account - £2140.24(4576.79)Total - £28600.74(19051.67) £1010 (£65pm CS/BS) £250 CS/BS/JS
  • Dobbibill
    Dobbibill Posts: 4,135 Ambassador
    First Anniversary Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper First Post
    edited 6 January 2018 at 3:33PM
    Options
    There is more than one way to help and throwing money at the problem is NOT always the best way.

    The friend should tell the daughter, there is a plan to help her and when she comes around put a blank SOA in front of her and offer to fill it in with her.

    This is also support and while the daughter will be shocked it's not a load of cash and probably disappointed it's not another free ticket, it will be the most helpful thing he can do.

    ETA - NOT - definitely not always the best way. Thanks fatbelly.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Budgeting & Bank Accounts, Credit Cards, Credit File & Ratings and Energy boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.

    If you can't be the best -
    Just be better than you were yesterday.
  • bearcat16
    bearcat16 Posts: 339 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Options
    In fairness, money management is a skill that has to be learned. Like other skills, some people find it easy, some don’t. It would be better if he taught her how to manage her finances than just bailing her out.

    This will help her, not just with immediate problems, but with the rest of her life. It might be that she has enough money to do all the things she wants to do, but isn’t managing it effectively and so it’s being wasted. For example, it’s amazing to me the number of people I know who have savings but continue to pay just the minimum payment on their credit cards, and therefore pay £hundreds in credit card interest per month. That’s not lack of money, that’s poor management.
  • fatbelly
    fatbelly Posts: 20,504 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Cashback Cashier
    Options
    Dobbibill wrote: »
    There is more than one way to help and throwing money at the problem is always the best way.

    Did you miss a 'not' there?
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,306 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper Photogenic First Anniversary
    Options
    Suggest the daughter signs up here for independent advice and home truths.

    Perhaps a contribution to her debts for her 21st?
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • Dobbibill
    Dobbibill Posts: 4,135 Ambassador
    First Anniversary Mortgage-free Glee! Name Dropper First Post
    Options
    fatbelly wrote: »
    Did you miss a 'not' there?

    Thanks fatbelly - not is definitely what I meant to say. Edited now ;)
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Budgeting & Bank Accounts, Credit Cards, Credit File & Ratings and Energy boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.

    If you can't be the best -
    Just be better than you were yesterday.
  • enthusiasticsaver
    enthusiasticsaver Posts: 15,595 Ambassador
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    Options
    I agree with the consensus and would not advise the dad to bail her out.
    Much as we want to help our children if she has already been helped in the past and the debt not accrued through genuine emergency - ie job loss or sickness then she needs to learn now how to live within her means. Sorting out debt problems now at just £3k is better than her coming back to him again in a year or sos time with £7k debt if he bails her out again.

    I would suggest a bank loan or writing to her creditors. If she has very little priority expenditure, she only owes £3k and is working though I struggle to see why she cannot just pay it off like the rest of us have to. If she really can’t then a DMP. A talk on the perils of payday loans may be in order though as it sounds like she may be daft enough to go down that route.

    I am not sure what your point about him being a HR tax payer has to do with anything.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
  • Gettingtherequickly
    Gettingtherequickly Posts: 4,680 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Debt-free and Proud!
    Options
    Thanks for all of your comments, just need to convince dad that she needs to learn. I think that she should be able to pay it back in less than a year if she gets her act together, there are many families who have less disposable income, she needs to appreciate how lucky she is.
    A smile costs little but creates much :)
  • sourcrates
    sourcrates Posts: 28,888 Ambassador
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Post Photogenic
    Options
    Gettingtherequickly wrote: »
    Thanks for all of your comments, just need to convince dad that she needs to learn. I think that she should be able to pay it back in less than a year if she gets her act together, there are many families who have less disposable income, she needs to appreciate how lucky she is.

    Getting kids to realise this is the biggest problem though !!
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free wannabe, Credit file and ratings, and Bankruptcy and living with it boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.For free non-judgemental debt advice, contact either Stepchange, National Debtline, or CitizensAdviceBureaux.Link to SOA Calculator- https://www.stoozing.com/soa.php The "provit letter" is here-https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2607247/letter-when-you-know-nothing-about-about-the-debt-aka-prove-it-letter
This discussion has been closed.
★ ★ ★ Meet your Ambassadors

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 343.3K Banking & Borrowing
  • 250.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 449.7K Spending & Discounts
  • 235.3K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 608.1K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 173.1K Life & Family
  • 248K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 15.9K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards