Teens and holidays

mutley74 · 18 June 2017 at 2:24PM

As a single parent with a teen (who is almost 16) not had any family holidays for 3 years. Basically son is not interested and rather stay in and play with games (Xbox) 24/7 during school holidays (in fact does not go anywhere with family he even avoided a family funeral because of gaming).

Last month he say's he would be offered in an overseas trip and short UK break (finally!!). So I tell him he has to help with choosing a destination, what to see, do, places to stay etc. I even told him he can check out flights etc, and we can discuss and book together.

My mum past few weeks says I am very unreasonable and should just go ahead and book a holiday. I tell her no, as he might not enjoy what I want to do, and I don't want to pay lots of money for a trip he might even decide to cancel last minute or sit there with a miserable face. I want him to put him some research effort and be part of any holiday.

Am I unreasonable? So far Son has not made any effort, he selected a destination but nothing else, when I ask him, he tells me he is "too busy" (with gaming).

As we will now incur higher holiday prices being so close to Summer hols, I feel like telling him I have made my own plans (as I have had no proper holiday for 3 yrs too).

How do other parents deal with teens in such situations?

System · 18 June 2017 at 2:37PM

If you go on your own would he be allowed to stay home alone?

mutley74 · 18 June 2017 at 2:41PM

avogadro wrote: »

If you go on your own would he be allowed to stay home alone?

he would stay with his grandparents. I had a long weekend in Germany last year and he and they did not mind.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted · 18 June 2017 at 2:44PM

Choose where and what you want, if he isn't interested, go without him.

kingfisherblue · 18 June 2017 at 3:54PM

mutley74 wrote: »

As a single parent with a teen (who is almost 16) not had any family holidays for 3 years. Basically son is not interested and rather stay in and play with games (Xbox) 24/7 during school holidays (in fact does not go anywhere with family he even avoided a family funeral because of gaming).

Last month he say's he would be offered in an overseas trip and short UK break (finally!!). So I tell him he has to help with choosing a destination, what to see, do, places to stay etc. I even told him he can check out flights etc, and we can discuss and book together.

My mum past few weeks says I am very unreasonable and should just go ahead and book a holiday. I tell her no, as he might not enjoy what I want to do, and I don't want to pay lots of money for a trip he might even decide to cancel last minute or sit there with a miserable face. I want him to put him some research effort and be part of any holiday.

Am I unreasonable? So far Son has not made any effort, he selected a destination but nothing else, when I ask him, he tells me he is "too busy" (with gaming).

As we will now incur higher holiday prices being so close to Summer hols, I feel like telling him I have made my own plans (as I have had no proper holiday for 3 yrs too).

How do other parents deal with teens in such situations?

I wouldn't let him have his X Box rule my life. I haven't had a holiday for a couple of years because I can't afford it - I've saved to allow my youngest son to have a couple of holidays with the school instead. However, for a family holiday, or even a weekend away, I know the type of things that my sons enjoy and would book accordingly. I definitely wouldn't let a teenager and his X Box dictate to me. Mind you, my kids aren't allowed on games consoles for such long hours that they are 'too busy' to spend any time as a family.

As for failing to attend a family funeral because he is busy gaming - words fail me! Where is his respect? Having said that, the OP obviously gives her son more leeway than me, because I wouldn't allow one of my children to 'decide to cancel at the last minute', or to have such control.

I've just read this thread to my 17 year old son and he said that the OP is being too soft with her son, the son shouldn't be allowed to control his mum and her decisions, and has she ever thought to remove the plug on his X Box?

Spendless · 18 June 2017 at 4:15PM

Give him a deadline, say something like I'm planning to book a holiday by the end of next week, if you want to come then have a look at what sort of thing you might enjoy, and we'll book to go there the two of us.

If he's not looked into it and doesn't want to go then book something yourself.

lika_86 · 18 June 2017 at 4:23PM

I think you need to be reasonable in what you're expecting from him. Yes he should be involved in deciding what you do while you're there but looking at flights and stuff is a real chore, I struggle to get my boyfriend to do it and he's generally excited about where we're going. Mostly I end up doing the boring admin stuff myself, flights, transport to the airport etc. Some people are organisers, some people aren't. It's the same with booking hotels and restaurants, I will do a lot of research to find somewhere with a good location, decent facilities, a decent price etc, my boyfriend isn't into that and leaves it to me, trusting that I'll find somewhere good.

What your son should be expected to be interested in are things to do. Sit down with the tripadvisor page which tells you the best rated things to do in that place and make a plan. If he's not interested then that's different.

I'd personally make him go, some mother/son time away without access to his X-Box sounds like it would be good for him, although it also sounds like you need to set some limits at home.

meer53 · 18 June 2017 at 4:30PM

I'd worry more about the time he's spending playing games than trying to book a holiday. You allowed him to avoid a family funeral so he could play a game ? :eek:

That shows a huge lack of respect for you and towards others. I'd book a holiday for you both and tell him he's going, whether he likes it or not, i would never let my children be like this. He's 15 ! You're not doing him any favours by allowing him to be like this.

(Yes i have a teenager, who is coming on holiday with me in July, we chose the holiday together but if i'd just booked it, it wouldn't be any different)

thorsoak · 18 June 2017 at 4:38PM

Remove the wi-fi connection. And then re-connect with your son.

Marvel1 · 18 June 2017 at 4:40PM

At 16 I wouldnt go on with my parents, at 14 I went, did not enjoy it.

Problem is others say make him go, which you can do BUT you can't make him enjoy it, do you want to waste your money?

CRANKY40 · 18 June 2017 at 4:42PM

I took mine to center parcs with his laptop. It was great. The weather was good and we went swimming for a couple of hours every day. (Indoor pool is huge and the outdoor one has water so warm we've been in it in the rain) and the rest of the time I left him in on his laptop. I had some lovely spa treatments and a few peaceful walks in the forest. I separated him from technology each evening to eat in one of their restaurants (my treat as a widowed parent who provides every single meal that happens in this house) and we both had a good time.

Look for a holiday that has something that both of you will enjoy.

Teens and holidays

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