Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pursue money owed by an ex?

Former_MSE_Nick · 30 June 2016 at 4:47PM

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner of five years suddenly split up with me. During the relationship they kept track of money they owed me and made regular payments to me, as my salary was higher than theirs and they wanted to pay me back. They are now saying they can't afford to pay me back, despite having gone on several international holidays recently. Currently the 'debt' stands at around £10,000.

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

scotsbob · 5 July 2016 at 10:58PM

Didn't alarm bells start ringing when the debt was £1,000? I hope the sex was good for £10,000 because you probably got nothing else to show for it.

You may, or may not, get your money back but you got to go after it just to show you're not going to roll over.

Bet your life they will be suckering another person into a new relationship.

Marvel1 · 5 July 2016 at 11:23PM

Too right I would pursue the money owed, even more since they are going on holiday so can afford it.

silvercar · 5 July 2016 at 11:29PM

They are now saying they can't afford to pay me back, despite having gone on several international holidays recently.

Surely it should be because rather than despite.

You're in a relationship, you earn more. That equates to you paying more of the cost of joint items like holidays. Otherwise your higher earnings is always going to mean you have greater spending power. They will never have a chance to catch up unless you both stop spending.

You have to take some responsibility for this. Sounds to me like you were happy to pay more (subsidise) when you were in the relationship, but now the relationship has ended you view the past spending differently.

silvercar · 5 July 2016 at 11:30PM

Hold on.

I'm reading it that the international holidays were with you???

zorber · 5 July 2016 at 11:36PM

So im guessing this question needs to be explored at some point.

What is the best way to chase this debt?
And what happens if you dont know where hes moved too?

garryboy · 5 July 2016 at 11:44PM

Get them on Judge Rinder. Hel sort it out for you for sure.

Person_one · 5 July 2016 at 11:48PM

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My partner of five years suddenly split up with me. During the relationship they kept track of money they owed me and made regular payments to me, as my salary was higher than theirs and they wanted to pay me back. They are now saying they can't afford to pay me back, despite having gone on several international holidays recently. Currently the 'debt' stands at around £10,000.
If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

See this is where we really need to have feedback and answers to questions from the people who submit these 'dilemmas'.

It sounds a bit like the submitter was paying more towards living expenses etc. because they earned more and for some reason they have both kept track of what the ex 'would have' been paying had it been 50/50 and decided to call it a debt.

If that's the case, its slightly insane and there is no 'debt'!

Kynthia · 6 July 2016 at 12:09AM

It's not clear whether the OP considered the money a loan at tge time it was given, with a realistic expectation that it would be repaid. I might be wrong but I get the impression that they were living as a couple and as the OP was the higher earner they paid more than 50% of things and we're happy to do so. I'm guessing not everyday household bills and rent as the partner wouldn't ever be able to pay that back if it was ongoing, but perhaps holiday and other large expenses. The fact that they state their partner was the one keeping track of what was owed and saying that they wanted to pay them back makes me think that it was despite any requirement to do so.

If tgat is the case it is cheeky for them to stop feeling like they owe you know you've split up. However it's even cheekier for you to change from feeling it wasn't a loan to now it is because you've split up. You can't make something a loan retrospectively.

However without clarification from the OP this is a bit of guesswork.

onlyroz · 6 July 2016 at 12:21AM

Impossible to comment unless we know what the money was spent on.

Pixie5740 · 6 July 2016 at 8:27AM

If someone borrows money once and doesn't pay it back you don't continue lending them money allowing them to amass a debt of £10k. If you have evidence that these were all loans you made rather than gifts you could pursue your ex through small claims court, you might even win the judgement but then you'd need to enforce it and even then you might not see all your money back. You might just need to chalk this one up to experience and never ever continue lending money to someone who doesn't pay you back.

Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pursue money owed by an ex?

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free