MSE News: Guest Comment: Sarah Beeny decodes estate agent speak

Former_MSE_Paloma · 7 November 2014 at 11:30AM

Estate agent windows are a hotbed of flowery language. If you're baffled by descriptions, Sarah Beeny decodes them here ...

Read the full story:

Guest Comment: Sarah Beeny decodes estate agent speak

Click reply below to discuss. If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply. If you aren’t sure how it all works, read our New to Forum? Intro Guide.

Credit-Crunched · 7 November 2014 at 11:42AM

It is about time that estate agents were governed by a regulatory body, for too long now they have been able to act unchecked, purely working towards the highest level of financial renumeration.

Every other individual in the process is regulated to the eyeballs

Solicitor - SRA/ FCA
Mortgage Advieser - FCA
Financial Adviser - FCA
Surveyor - RICS

If any of the above makes an error, then they are professionally liable. However, estate agents appear to be able to lie and bodge their way through the whole process.

footyguy · 7 November 2014 at 12:39PM

Here's some more:

Compact - Not enough room to swing a cat

Bijou - Not enough room to swing a cat

Charmingly small - Not enough room to swing a cat

Easy to maintain - Not enough room to swing a cat

Ideal for FTB or BTL - Not enough room to swing a cat and/or in a terrible area

Wet Room - Obvious signs of damp.

Conveniently located - above a smelly takeaway and/or next to a noisy pub

Excellent transport links - you'll definitely hear and/or see the motorway/train line running along the bottom of the garden

Located within a purpose-built residential area - it's on an estate

Nearby - within a 50 mile radius

Quiet, rural location - further than 50 miles from civilisation

Unexpectedly reavailable - previous prospective buyer pulled out after uncovering major issues with structure, location (searches) or price.

Reduced / New Price - desperate to sell, probably was initially way overpriced.

Scope for improvement, etc - run down, possibly derelict

Needs updating, no onward chain - someone old codger died there!

Bordering the sought after area of ... - It's not in a sought after area!

Located in a vibrant, cosmopolitan area - a favoured location for immigrants, most of which speaking/shouting in another language.

Character features - low ceilings or small door openings.

Low maintenace garden - it's been paved over

:cool:

Errata · 7 November 2014 at 12:47PM

Sea view - if you have a telescope and a ten foot neck

footyguy · 7 November 2014 at 1:06PM

A few more:

Cottage - a terraced house

4th bedroom/study - a broom store or possibly an old fashioned box room. May be able to squeeze a childs cot in if you're lucky.

Mature, established garden - a jungle

Village location - the only nearby pub closed down a couple of years ago, and the only nearby shop is about to go the same way. Don't expect there to be a bank or post office in the vicinity.

Benefits from - Has

Boasts - Has

Up and coming area - currently run down, but has lots of noisy building works going on.

Arguably (usually used to describe attractiveness in some manner) - subjective assessment and unlikely others would agree.

footyguy · 7 November 2014 at 1:14PM

Internal viewing recommended - don't be put off by the poor external appearance of the property.

Errata · 7 November 2014 at 1:18PM

Apartment - first floor of a very small terraced house in Fulham built by a slum landlord in 1875 and knocked about by subsequent owners

Idiophreak · 7 November 2014 at 1:23PM

I always thought "popular area" meant "popular amongst buyers", not "popular amongst residents", as she seems to understand it.

Put bluntly, I think I'm right and she's wrong.

Former_MSE_Andrea · 7 November 2014 at 1:50PM

Loving these! Keep them coming

footyguy · 7 November 2014 at 2:15PM

Final few from me I remembered over lunch:

Studio apartment - bedsit

Garden flat - a basement flat

Period property - old

Trendy location - overpriced locality

Conservation area - strict covenants on what you can and can't do. e.g. if/when you can put washing out, what colour you can paint the front door, where you or visitors may park, etc Make sure your solicitor investigates & fully explains all of these before exchanging contracts.

Much improved by previous owner - someone bought a cheap, rundown dump, papered over the cracks and now looking to get out for a quick and easy profit.

Small patio area - 2-4 paving slabs

small outbuildings - coal house, outside toilet, etc

Under Offer - no ones interested at the asking price, and someone has now made an incredibly cheeky, low-ball offer, so still looking to secure a more realistic price.

Sold (subject to contract) - contracts are not exchanged yet, so still being offered for sale.

Vacant posession, no onward chain - property is currently uninhabited. Possibly a probate sale, an ex-rental property or probably a repossession (especially if agent holds keys, and water/electric has been turned off)

Errata · 7 November 2014 at 2:28PM

Unique - you've never seen anything like it in your life

Handy for transport - bus stop right outside with shelter for local darlings to smoke their spliffs and drink their Stella in

Good transport links - between the M4 and the main Heathrow runway

Secluded - in Wales

Loft room - DIY job without planning permission

Victorian - knackered with lots of Artex and poly ceiling tiles

Countryside views - in Wales

Suitable rental investment - students don't mind living in a tip

Close to primary school - at bottom of garden

Commutable - if you have nerves of steel and bottomless pockets

Basement games room - expect 6" of water every time it rains

MSE News: Guest Comment: Sarah Beeny decodes estate agent speak

Comments

Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

🚀 Getting Started

Categories

Is this how you want to be seen?

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free