Money Moral Dilemma: Should my housemate's boyfriend pay towards our bills?

Former_MSE_Darryl · 1 July 2014 at 10:35AM

Here's this week's situation for you to cogitate on:

Should my housemate's boyfriend pay towards our bills?

I live with two other girls in a student house. One is hardly here most of the time and the other is here all the time. My issue is that her boyfriend is here every weekend, and longer, and he works from home when he stays. We've just had to pay £80 extra on our electricity bill, and I feel he should contribute to the house in some way. I'm very good friends with the girl, and he's a nice guy. But should I say something?

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Herbalus · 1 July 2014 at 8:19PM

Ah, the joys of student living.

There's always somebody who uses more than others, and it will always be unfair. You can never quantify how much each person uses, so the most frugal will always subsidise the wasteful. It's what you have to accept in a student house.

At least you can be glad the other girl is rarely there, and therefore doesn't use a lot of electricity. Win some, lose some.

scotsbob · 1 July 2014 at 11:08PM

Perhaps he is already contributing.

He could be paying some of her share!

flyingflea · 1 July 2014 at 11:17PM

Money owing amongst friends is a tricky one as if the other party does agree that they should pay up then things will get awkward very quickly.

Sometimes when a situation is temporary, it would make for an easier life to let some things go despite not necessarily being the fairest way of dealing with it.

Besides £80 split three ways isn't a significant amount of money when you consider what you might spend on a night out.

rachiibell · 1 July 2014 at 11:29PM

I'm afraid you just have to suck it up and deal with it. Unless you set specific rules about boys staying over when you first moved in you can't just bring it up now. I'm assuming he has his own place and still has to pay rent and bills there. If not then it obviously isn't fair.

When I was at uni my boyfriend at the time would spend more nights at mine than he did at his but his housemates didn't let him off his share of the bills and it isn't very nice to make someone pay twice. Plus if you do bring it up prepare for your friend to fall out with you, move into her boyfriends permanently and stop contributing to any bills.

nettie1xoxo · 2 July 2014 at 6:42AM

Your friendship is more important, so it's not worth going there!! In my experience anything like this if brought up will put major pressure on your friendship.

She may notice the bill increase and choose to pay more - but otherwise don't go there xx

Teacher2 · 2 July 2014 at 9:02AM

One of the things that communal living is for is to reveal how selfish and exploitative others can be either unconsciously or deliberately. It is probably most politic to learn from this situation without making a fuss with your housemates.

Regard the financial loss as a fee for learning something important in life, that others, while nice, might not be altogether trustworthy as they will always be more or less selfish.

In the future, however, remember to think ahead, consider the 'what's the worse that could happen?' option and plan for it by making a watertight agreement where all sorts of contingencies are allowed for.

JayD · 2 July 2014 at 9:41AM

Well, while I agree that it is tricky, I do think that the boyfriend should make some contribution towards his weekend stays. Maybe you could approach the topic with the g/f when you are both alone - and point out that he does help to run up the electicity bill, and suggest that maybe the odd fiver in the pot - or perhaps treating you all to a take away sometimes might help even things out. But I would not expect a significant or regular contribution from him. Just some small gesture occasionally to show he acknowledges that he is using the house resources.

sugargurlie · 2 July 2014 at 9:52AM

In short no. You are sharing, so unless you are going to start taking meter readings and only using one appliance at at time then just leave it.

It'll probably cause fights (how long does some use a hair dryer for, who does more loads of washing, time in the shower?), and then if down the line you have someone over you can expect the same to come back to you. I shared with friends for 4 years and I'm fairly sure it all evened out over the years!

I agree to the treating people to a take away, that often softened any resentment in my flat (nothing like someone doing a McDonalds run for you the day after a night out to make people happy!)

9411john · 2 July 2014 at 9:56AM

Agree with most other comments.
Only additional thought is to find out what business boyfriend is in.
E.G. If he is in finance could you get some free advice. If he gets a discount on any purchases associated with his employment, could he get you (or the home) anything etc. etc.

iclayt · 2 July 2014 at 10:12AM

You could speak to the whole household, including him, and make it about reducing energy bills rather than 'his contribution' because you're worried about anymore unexpected increased bills. You ALL need to make an effort to switch lights off, have quick showers, unplug chargers when not using them, turn the TV off if you're not really watching it ie reading or on laptop, don't leave anything on standby, etc. It's very easy to look to him as the cause of the extra consumption but if you ask everyone to make the extra effort, including him, then the actual difference it makes him being there for long weekends should be minimal.

(As per the first time round: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4975826)

(Also reminds me of this thread: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=4870407)

Money Moral Dilemma: Should my housemate's boyfriend pay towards our bills?

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