My Brother is in a mess and has nothing to show for it

liuhut · 10 January 2007 at 5:08PM

Just found out today that my brother is in debt by at LEAST £10k.
This is only what we have found out so far and it could be worst.
I know this is not a lot of debt really however:
He has lived at home for the past three years.
He is on good money, earning about £20k a year.
His only bills are board of £50 a month and his mobile phone.

My mum has only just found this all out and is so upset. She let him move home so that he could save for his own place but it looks like he has just lived completly beyond his means.

His dispossible (SP?) income is appox £1400 a month but he had nothing at all to show for it, No car, he doesn't smoke, doen't go out that much, lives in one room and its not rammed full of clothes etc so it doesn't go on 'retail spending', I just dont know what it goes on and it is really worrying my mum and dad and me.

My mum has tried to speak to him but he just wont be honest with her, she has built up the £10k from things she has seen laying around, post etc so it could be much worst.

I just want advise really - am soo worried about him but I know he has lied to everyone. Last week I asked if he had paid his OD off and he said yes, today I found out it is £2k and is well over the limit and having charges applied to it.

I want to help him, I just dont know how?? Any ideas and also what the hell do you spend £1400 a month on???

OberonSH · 10 January 2007 at 5:12PM

Hugs to you, I suppose you've tried sitting him down and talking to him about it? He could be ashamed that he owes. Have you said outright to him 'You seem to be in debt, and we're worried about where you've spent it, as you don;t seem to have a ferrari parked in the drive'.

Bestthingsinlifearefree · 10 January 2007 at 5:13PM

where has the money gone.

gambling, drugs, socialising, women ??.............or maybe a big secret giver to charity.;)

On the plus side he should be able to pay it back quite quickly as he has a high disposable income.

OberonSH · 10 January 2007 at 5:16PM

I agree - it might be worth saying to him - 'we reckon you owe £1ok, with your spare cash every month you can have it paid off by Christmas'. Give him an incentive

moozie_2 · 10 January 2007 at 5:16PM

Hello there

I am sorry you feel your brother let you all down. The fact is no one can help him unless he wants and is ready to help himself. I hope he can come on here himself and maybe we can give him a hand

Just out of interest, where does the £1400 disposable come from? After his board, mobile, socialising and debt repayments, he will have considerably less than that.

Take care and hope all ends well.

skintscotsman · 10 January 2007 at 5:16PM

why does it matter HOW he spent it?

Get him to face the problem of the massive debt and give him the moral support he'll need.

skintscotsman · 10 January 2007 at 5:17PM

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote:

drugs and women .

a wise investment in my opinion

liuhut · 10 January 2007 at 5:23PM

skintscotsman wrote:

why does it matter HOW he spent it?

Get him to face the problem of the massive debt and give him the moral support he'll need.

Your right, I know it doesn't and it's my mum that is worried about how it has been spent. I think she is worried that it might be drugs as that seems to be the only thing, apart from gambling as there seems to be a number of cash withdrawals that she has seen on bank statements.

My mum has tried to sit him down but he just tells her what he wants to hear so thats not really helping. I have spoke to him a few times in the last few months but like I said he did tell me about an overdraft and I tried to help him, suggested a spending diary etc. (I have picked loads of tips u from this place!!)

I just don't know how to get him to face up to it

liuhut · 10 January 2007 at 5:35PM

OberonSH wrote:

Hugs to you, I suppose you've tried sitting him down and talking to him about it? He could be ashamed that he owes. Have you said outright to him 'You seem to be in debt, and we're worried about where you've spent it, as you don;t seem to have a ferrari parked in the drive'.

LOL, that made me smile!! Yes my mum put to him what she knew hoping that he would open up. He is haing bank charged of approx £150 a month added to his OD - these are figures that my mum has given me so not sure how accurate they are??
I think he is ashamed, thing is he ran up about the same amount a few years ago and then sold his share in a house (relationship breakup) so he cleared that, moved home to save a deposit and has now run up the same again.

Storm · 10 January 2007 at 5:38PM

If the money has gone on drugs/gambling/alchohol he may not be ready to face it if he's addicted. If you honestly believe that there's an addiction problem there are support groups for family members run in conjunction with the relevant 'anonymous' group.

To put a bit of perspective in though:

Take home pay will be about £1250 after tax & NI - maybe less if he's got student loan repayments too.

Debt Repayments maybe around £500 a month (5% of 10K) - this is based on if it's a credit card & he's paying the minimum.

Also if he buys lunch at work every day, plus travel expenses, plus if he buys magazines, rounds in the pub when he does go out - it all adds up!

Could the debt have been run up before he moved back in with your parents? I'm wondering if he had a LBM, but didn't want to confess, so said about saving for deposit etc. At the end of the day though if he doesn't want to talk to people about it there's nothing you can do!

Good luck

liuhut · 10 January 2007 at 5:39PM

moozie wrote:

Hello there

I am sorry you feel your brother let you all down. The fact is no one can help him unless he wants and is ready to help himself. I hope he can come on here himself and maybe we can give him a hand

Just out of interest, where does the £1400 disposable come from? After his board, mobile, socialising and debt repayments, he will have considerably less than that.

Take care and hope all ends well.

Your comment made me think. He hasn't let me down but I think that my mum feels like that. i am just worried...if he is unable to manage when he is living at home, how will he cope when he gets his own place?
The £1400 is a figure that my mum gave me, thinking about it. He comes out with approx £1500, has £50 board and then his mobile, his debt is an OD which is increasing and then a personal loan - consolidated from differnet cards I think of approx £8k - he pays about £200 to this so has £1200 left - sorry.
He could clear his debt this year if he wanted to but I had this conversation with him and told him to set a standing order up to save after he had paid his OD off. ( He only told me about £800!! - I thought it would only take him one month LOL)

My Brother is in a mess and has nothing to show for it

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