Serious honesty

CAFCGirl · 9 January 2007 at 5:05PM

First of all I'd like to say a welcome to all the newbies who have found us just recently, and congratulations on starting your DF journey!

Basically I've been on the site for some time now, March 06 I think it was. I knew my debt situation but continued to ignore it until I finally faced up to the fact that I've spent it, and now its time to pay it back!

Now I'm going to be brutally honest, and it might even help some newbies, not fall into the same pitfalls as myself!
I have all the will in the world, but I'm going to be SO honest here, I dont do half as much as I should do.

Best way to describe is that..........
I look like I'm listening but secretly I'm singing a completely different tune in my head!

I've seen the amazing in-roads into debt that some people are making, and I know everyone is different, but I dont feel like I'm making any!

I've snowballed my debts, I know what I should be paying off each month etc, but do I do it NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I keep saying "tomorrow" and by the time tomorrow comes I've spent the money on some rubbish I neither wanted nor needed, and then it all knocks on into the next month!

I've been totally rubbish at budgetting, meal planning, fly-ladying (if thats word!) any of the challenges etc plus paying anything off!

Now I know I should have a plan, and I keep thinking to myself I've been a member of this site for long enough now, I really should know what Im doing.

So really I'm having a rant at myself because I'm so angry with myself for not doing what I need to do, when it all seems so easy!

And then I'm asking for help............. suggestions...... tips....... hints anything really!
I know I should know what I'm meant to be doing but I just can't seem to "get it together", plus I'll be honest I'm a bit embarassed to ask..... I try and give advice to those who ask, and I cant even follow it myself..........

I feel dreadful............

OberonSH · 9 January 2007 at 5:09PM

I know what you mean. You think 'I'll pay this in tomorrow' Tomorrow becomes next week, then the payments gone.

You just have to be brutal. If you have the money, go to the bank RIGHT THEN. I've had to d that with myself a few times now, as it's easy to have your pretty spreadsheets, and your lists. I have my payments in the envelope next to the till. Once it's in there it doesn;t exist any more.

CAFCGirl · 9 January 2007 at 5:13PM

god I forgot about the lists...............

there everywhere!

Never follow a single bleeding one!

OberonSH · 9 January 2007 at 5:18PM

And the oh-so-pretty spreadsheets, that work out the minute you'll be Debt Fre - if you actually get around to make a payment....

Sorry love, you'll just have to bite the bullet and say 'I have the money in my sweaty little paw, it's off to the bank with you'

Try having paying in envelopes in the house. Pop your money in them, and seal them up. Then they don't exist, until you can get them to the bank. Or stick them straight in the postbox.

If you're as bad as me, then just try doing one thing at a time. That's the only way I broke my 'tomorrow, tomorrow' habit. If you can't think of a good reason not to do it now, then just do it. To coin a phrase...

in_over_my_head_2 · 9 January 2007 at 5:20PM

(((hugs CAFCGirl)))
I think I did that for 2 or 3 years before a REAL lightbulb moment a couple of months ago...

I really think the best piece of advice I can give anyone lurking here is to get some paper or spreadsheets and write down all of your outstanding debt amounts and add them up (soooo scary :eek: ), and then write down a simple income and expenditure to see how it measures up.

In my case that was the kick up the rear-end I needed to face up to things and call PayPlan who have been brilliant (along with the support here of course!). Before that I kept my head firmly buried in the sand, and the stomach churning worry of ignoring phonecalls and letters was driving me insane with lack of sleep... it doesn't bear thinking about.

Also thought I'd share my "turning point" moment... when I answered the phone to Egg, explained the situation and that I had involved PayPlan, and they were really helpful. From then I've not been scared to answer the phone and have explained my circumstances about 30 times in 2 months... a bit tiresome, but yay me! :T

tryhard_2 · 9 January 2007 at 5:21PM

Hi CAFCGirl
you have to ask yourself what is stopping you from using your money to pay off your debts? if you can sort that out you'll be onto a winner. I mean look at it psychologically - what makes you want to spend.
If you do online banking, you can easily transfer money to your cards/debts before you get tempted to use it elsewhere.
As you said correctly, everyone is different..............
Good luck

djdymond · 9 January 2007 at 5:23PM

hate to be honest, but..

you keep "leaving it till tomorrow" and itll never happen. like dieting. you think oh well, theres always tomorrow and next thing you know months have gone by and your still where you started.

i have read your full story on this site (it took me a whole day and i even pmed you to say i really amired you and got nothing back) and i do think you have to be stricter with yourself, no one else can do it but you

mjdh1957 · 9 January 2007 at 5:26PM

Have you thought about getting some counselling or some kind of self-help group to see what the underlying problems are? There's lots of help available (though it may cost a bit).

I needed a bit of help to get me started on being debt-free (I didn't disover this site until much later).

mophead · 9 January 2007 at 5:27PM

Keep posting and updating your signature daily if thats what it takes that what i've been doing to keep up my momentum. It's working upto now.

CAFCGirl · 9 January 2007 at 5:29PM

Thanks all

I know a lot of it is down to an emotional underlying than a sheer laziness.

I think I almost want to not be debt free. Sounds strange I know but I think its my form of punishment to myself for getting into debt in the first place.

I'll admit I am lucky that its only a relatively small amount of debt, which is another reason why it bugs me!And I dont miss payments or use my credit cards anymore.

I guess its more just because I know where the money should do, but then I punish myself by wasting it on rubbish food, magazines, and just really non-items.....

Maybe its some osrt of minature age crisis. Everyone around me at my age, is going out drinking, shopping loads and looking really good, and Im still in my pyjamas and never want to wear any of my clothes, thus leading to pants self esteem and for anyone whose read my diary, another depressive episode.

I do just need to get brutal with myself, otherwise I'm never going to get there, and I have to stop blaming myself for the debt situation.

How did anyone get over/into following a budget? I seem to have a serious problem with following one. No matter whether I'm hrash or lenient on myself!

OberonSH · 9 January 2007 at 5:31PM

I have a picture of my ideal florida home in my purse. Whenever I open it up its like telling myself 'do I want that magazine, or do I want to buy that house'

I also allow myself £5 a week to spend on 'stuff' so I don't feel like I'm living like a total pauper. If I don;t spend my fiver, then that'd extra to the debt.

Serious honesty

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