Positive vibes please - finally bitting the bullet

scw1 · 1 June 2006 at 1:43PM

Have farted around for the past 3 months with my debt and not done anything practical or told hubby about the extent of the debt. Well its finally come to a head after being unable to sleep for the past 2 months thinking about it and having to buy baby equipment & trying to sort out my maternity leave (am currently 6months pregnant). Have decided tonight is the night to tell hubby. Cant put it off any longer and am absolutely cacking myself. I know its bad (sitting here now trying to work out exactly how bad but looks around £18k

will post SOA asap 4 your help) Please send me some positive vibes - am really worried he is going to majorly kick off about this and poss divorce me! I am such a stupid idiot for getting into this trouble. Have managed to have the insurance taken off my loan so payments are less each month but at the moment not small enough.

tesuhoha · 1 June 2006 at 1:49PM

scw1 wrote:

Have farted around for the past 3 months with my debt and not done anything practical or told hubby about the extent of the debt. Well its finally come to a head after being unable to sleep for the past 2 months thinking about it and having to buy baby equipment & trying to sort out my maternity leave (am currently 6months pregnant). Have decided tonight is the night to tell hubby. Cant put it off any longer and am absolutely cacking myself. I know its bad (sitting here now trying to work out exactly how bad but looks around £18k will post SOA asap 4 your help) Please send me some positive vibes - am really worried he is going to majorly kick off about this and poss divorce me! I am such a stupid idiot for getting into this trouble. Have managed to have the insurance taken off my loan so payments are less each month but at the moment not small enough.

Good luck with your confession. I am sure he will be a lot more understanding than you think. He might be a bit put out at first but it is not fair that you should shoulder the burden alone. How much does he think you are in debt by? You never know but he may have guessed. I always used to tell my OH that it was better than it was in case he told me off but I dont do that now because it puts a curb on his spending to be up front about it. Good luck again.

Charlie2301 · 1 June 2006 at 1:55PM

Firstly a big well dont for biting the bullet, its not an easy thing to do but its the right thing! Once your SOA is posted Im sure one of the others will give you some great advice and tips as they did for me. You are not an idiot and you are certainly not alone and have come to completely the right place.

My lightbulb moment came on New Year's eve when I got stuck in London after getting the wrong train times from a friend and I had no money in my bank account to get home so ended up kipping at Victoria with my 10yr old son and felt sooo ashamed. At that moment I would have given back every purchase I'd made the previous year just to get us home safely and I realised what a mess I had made of things financially.

There are some great and inspiring people here who will help you along the way, believe me it does get easier and the initial 'biting the bullet' is one of the hardest part.

POSITIVE VIBES and lots of luck to you xxxx keep us updated of your progress! xx

Emmzi · 1 June 2006 at 1:55PM

scw1,

whatevere the outcome, best to be honest. Good luck, sending positive vibes, and let us know how you go. I hope you are pleasantly surprised.

xx

**purpleprincess** · 1 June 2006 at 1:57PM

Positive vibes heading your way hun! xx

lynzpower · 1 June 2006 at 1:57PM

plenty of positive vibes coming your way for later on.

remind him for richer for poorer and all that. He must have helped you spend some of it, so Im sure he will have twigged on something, or noticed your not sleeping

All the best adn sending a hug for later.

Lynz
x

scw1 · 1 June 2006 at 1:57PM

Thank you - I am not sure he knows I took out a loan to buy my car and paid for a lot for our wedding in October (although he did contribute half as well). I think he must know I am debt its only today when I had all my credit card statements in (I pay them at different times in the month depending on the money in the bank account) that I realised how bad I am in debt.

Would it be a good idea if my wages goes into our joint account and perhaps he gives me or I take out a certain amount every month but he pay the bills? At the moment we have a joint account with hardly anything in it and our own seperate bank accounts - I cant trust myself with the bank account cards or any cards to be honest.

lynzpower · 1 June 2006 at 2:00PM

Lets have a look at your SOA before we make any rash decisions. Not having a bank account can mean you are not on many systems and can make you less credit-worthy, so dont do anything too hasty.

Emmzi · 1 June 2006 at 2:00PM

scw1,

it will depend how he feels about it - might be foisting some unwanted responsibility on to him. Maybe you could suggest a time limit, until you get sorted - or suggest doing the household bills etc together, so it's a shared task?

If you prefer to work on cash not cards - great! Maybe set up a standing order to a new 'weekly spend' cash withdrawal only type card for ATMs - pay in on a set day of the week, and when it's empty, it's empty?

dinkylou · 1 June 2006 at 2:02PM

Good vibes and hugs sent across to you for this evening.

I'm sure that he will be fine with you, especially since you are carrying his baby. Having you healthy and stress free for your child is the most important thing.

Maybe it would ease the blow for him if you had a bit of a plan of action?

Have you posted your SOA or kept a spending diary to see where your money goes?

If not, post here and our suggestions of how to help will show him that you are facing up to this and together you will get through it.

x

scw1 · 1 June 2006 at 2:04PM

I know what you mean about an extra burden for him and thats probably going to be a bit scary for both of us. He pays all of the household bills now anyway (I transfer money to his account every month). Think we just need to have a chat. I am literally shaking as I type this as I am so nervous but I am getting stressed out and thats no good for the baby or me so I need/have to do it tonight. I said this 3 months ago and it has never been the right time or I have been scared but now I really am doing it.

I wouldnt close my bank account as I am aware it can cause problems in the future, I just meant keeping it open with minimum balance and everything going into the joint account and perhaps me getting a small sum every month into my account for odds and sods? I wouldnt have a card to the joint account then incase I get tempted.

Positive vibes please - finally bitting the bullet

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