Should I make this legal somehow?!

lynzpower · 25 January 2009 at 8:18AM

I have done kinship care assessments as a social worker, and I would say definately do it, but do get your social services to do an assessment. they can be very short ( ie couple of hours chat with SW)

You should definately be recieving CB, and any TCs he might be entitled to.

SS will be finding out- a if you can cope and you know what you need to do to be a good parent ( sounds like you do from whats written here!) that you can afford it, ( if not they can help with that) and that things like his schooling is not affected.

they will look into what has caused this breakdown, speak to the lad, and in some cases -if there are any other children at risk .

Some may think that SS should keep thier noses out, a fairly straitforward KC assessment ( v similar to this IIRC) showed one faimly I worked with all the children were actually being sexually abused, and if course SS worked to ensure all the children were safe.

yoni_one · 25 January 2009 at 11:03AM

I can't offer any more advice on your position re your nephew than has been said already but do I have some concerns from what you say about your step sister's partner controlling ways.

I know you may not want to get involved on this level but just incase you do, if there is a safe way to have the conversation with her she might welcome at least knowing the number of Womens Aid helpline. As an organisation we offer support to women who are in relationships where their partner is very controlling regardless of there being any actual violence or not.

Women's Aid offer ongoing support without any attempt at trying to persuade a woman to leave the relationship if she chooses to stay.

The freephone helpline number is 0808 2000 247

More info on www.womensaid.org.uk

I think it's great that you are able to offer a safe and stable home for your nephew where he is free from being belittled and ridiculed and made to feel useless and stupid.

Ask your nephew to have a look at this website set up for young people who have lived in a home where there has been controlling behaviour from one of the adults - http://www.thehideout.org.uk/over10/default.aspa . He may feel it doesn't apply to him and if so no harm done, on the other hand he may find it useful.

Another really good online source of general support for young people offering free online counselling and forums where young people can share their thoughts is Kooth - https://www.kooth.com/index.php

I hope some of the above help.

MandyLou66 · 25 January 2009 at 2:33PM

Thanks to all for all your advice and opinions, you really are a helpful bunch of people on here!
He is on report for being for being disruptive and disrespectful to his teachers, typical 'I'm 15 and know everything' behaviour. My son still at home tends to get more out of him than anyone, they have had a couple of run ins when the younger 'borrowed' clothes but I think that now he is the youngest in the house he may calm down a bit.
I think I may phone SS anonymously as suggested as I don't want to cause a rift in the family.

ML

Primrose · 25 January 2009 at 5:01PM

You're obviously reasonably close to this lad if you've felt able to offer him shelter and at 15 he's old enough to have a serious conversation with you about his future. Why not sit down with him and tell him of your concerns about the possible intervention of Social Services if he gets into trouble and your anxiety that if that were to happen you wouldn't be able to protect him as you're not his legal parent/guardian. He's had a spell of "living rough" so will be aware that you are probably "last resort" for him, so hopefully won't want to rock the boat. Try to find out from him what he wants to happen going forward, i.e. going back home, or moving somewhere else when he's old enough to support himself, and in the meantime try to help him develop the life skills (basic cooking, how to work a washing machine, and how to budget finances, etc) so that however he faces the future, he can do so with a little more confidence. You're a star for taking him in, and I hope it all works out well for you both in the future.

MandyLou66 · 25 January 2009 at 5:54PM

Thank you Primrose for your kind words, he is a difficult lad to talk to, I find it strange as my 2 are really up front, they know the rules! my main ones are doesn't matter what youv'e done we can always sort it but you never lie and you never steal.

He seems a very 'young' 15, is quite a loner and does not interact that well with us. i am struggling with the fact that his mum seems totally ok with the situation. I would have been beside myself but she only pops round to pay me and I had to ask why he was on report as she didn't let me know!!?? It sems that its an easy solution for her, I am trying not to be judgemental but as a mum I would never have let my husband kick out one of my kids.

Thanx for help ML

easilydistracted · 25 January 2009 at 6:53PM

Hi MandyLou

Just thought I'd add to some of the helpful info you've already received. The 28 day info is regarding private fostering- this is an arrangement where someone is looking after a child under 16 (or under 18 if disabled) who is not a close relative and the plan is for it to last for more than 28 days. An aunt would count as a close relative so would not need to notify the local authority of this arrangement, you would need to double check if a step-aunt is exempt or not. Kinship care/ fostering is where the arrangement is made by the local authority where they are already involved and have concerns for the children.

There is a campaign at the moment regarding private fostering, which has a government website explaining more about it. I'm quite new here so not sure If I can post the link, but if you google 'somebody else's child' its one of the first entries.

If anyone is privately fostering they have a duty to notify their local duty team at 'Children and Young People's Services'- formerly social services. A social worker would come out and do an initial assessment and some other paperwork, then would need to come and see this lad every six weeks to start with. Look it as a way to get some useful advice and support- there might be some local projects around for troubled young people they could give you info and advice on.

Hopefully thats helpful and should be reasonably accurate as I'm a children's social worker-Good luck with it all.

Zara33 · 25 January 2009 at 7:12PM

Making it legal: apply to the court for a residence order which stipulates where exactly the child stays, then apply for parental rights and responsibilities.

You should be claiming Child benefit and child tax credits for this child. his "parents" are no longer looking after this child therefore they should not be entitled to the benefits! Also if he is going to carry on in education after he is 16 he should be entitled to EMA which is about £30 per week.

Savvy_Sue · 25 January 2009 at 11:22PM

easilydistracted wrote: »

There is a campaign at the moment regarding private fostering, which has a government website explaining more about it. I'm quite new here so not sure If I can post the link, but if you google 'somebody else's child' its one of the first entries.

I think the link you didn't give is this. And it would have been fine to give it.

Interestingly I managed to read the advert in my local paper without AT ALL picking up that it didn't apply unless you weren't related to the child.

However I still would get in touch with Social Services because, as I said before, they are most unlikely to WANT to move the lad, and you may get useful support and information from them.

Looking a little to the future - and I'm not suggesting this as a way of getting rid of him - but once he is 16 / over the minimum school leaving age there may be supported housing for young people in your area which he could access. One source of information is via the Foyer Federation. I think he should also have a Connexions worker who in theory ought to be able to give advice and information on his options.

Primrose's advice about life skills is spot on - are you aware of Martin's Teen Cash Guide?

lolababy · 25 January 2009 at 11:44PM

You really need a meeting with his parents to sit down and discuss his future.Im sure social services could arrange this and have someone to mediate.
It sounds as if he does have a lot of anger and maybe having someone outside the family to talk to would be a good idea.

MandyLou66 · 27 January 2009 at 8:06AM

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I think the link you didn't give is this. And it would have been fine to give it.

Now this bit is quite scary, it says that not reporting a 'private fostering' is a criminal offence, does that mean me or the parents? I was only doing the mum a favour and don't want to be in trouble for it. It will surely come out eventually at school for example. (By the way we had 3 days no nonsense at school and he is now off report!!Yay!).

I do need to speak to her but the bf is home at the moment( he works away fo 4wks and is then back for 4) but she has not contacted me for 9 days, not even to give his money. I can't help thinking I'm being taken for a ride a little bit but don't want to upset the lad.

Should I make this legal somehow?!

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