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jo.anne
jo.anne Posts: 79 Forumite
Part of the Furniture 10 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
in Marriage, relationships & families
Bit of advice needed. Been married for 4 years and I love my husband and I feel confident that he loves me too. The problem occurs when he drinks excessively and then starts to message work colleagues with really rude sexual remarks. This is the second time in 3years that he has done this and the last time it included of a his work collegue sending rude pictures (which she said he asked for) at the time he said that he loved me and when he was drunk he did stupid things. Roll on 3years and just found texts to another one of his work colleagues saying he lusts after her and he thinks about her and the things he would like to do!!! I do believe my husband loves me and would never follow any of the actions through. In the morning I feel he will be mortified the texts he has sent and will no doubt apologise but I don't k ow how to handle the situation
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Comments

  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    If you are so certain that he only does this when he drinks excessively - take his phone away from him when he goes on a bender!
  • Sea_Shell
    Sea_Shell Posts: 10,256 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    If he's not careful, he could lose his job too. One complaint to management, with proof, and he'll be in serious trouble.
    How's it going, AKA, Nutwatch? - 12 month spends to date = 3.24% of current retirement "pot" (as at end December 2025)
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 36,158 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
    Anyone else find it odd that the colleague he texted actually responded with a rude picture...
  • 74jax
    74jax Posts: 7,930 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Why does he have the numbers in the first place?
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • Doodles
    Doodles Posts: 414 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 100 Posts Photogenic
    He is being disrespectful and you are also being naïve here - what colleague would automatically respond with sending rude pictures just because they were asked?! Pretty obvious something is going on.

    Kick his a*se out the door.
  • BrassicWoman
    BrassicWoman Posts: 3,220 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
    If I were his employer, I would sack him.


    Start making financial exit plans.
    2021 GC £1365.71/ £2400
  • NeilCr
    NeilCr Posts: 4,430 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Pollycat wrote: »
    Anyone else find it odd that the colleague he texted actually responded with a rude picture...

    Yes.

    But I've known it happen. Some workplaces can be a bit different!

    OP. How did you find out about these pictures/texts? Did he tell you about them or did you find them?

    Personally, given what you've said about the basis of your relationship (you love each other) I wouldn't be looking at the nuclear option advocated by some posters, just yet. A conversation about drinking and behaviour may be a good starting point.
  • mattpaint
    mattpaint Posts: 294 Forumite
    74jax wrote: »
    Why does he have the numbers in the first place?

    It would be very unusual not to have a colleague's phone number - in a professional environment anyway.
  • DigForVictory
    DigForVictory Posts: 12,209 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 16 February 2019 at 12:20PM
    You feel foolish? He's behaving like a drunken lout. Apart from how you come to read his texts, you have nothing to reproach yourself with.

    Please consider three things.

    This is not the first time he's been a drunken idiot (that you know of) & the tolerance levels for that sort of conduct have dropped like a rock in the last couple of years.

    It is not illegal, immoral, unsupportive or at all wrong to start a savings account he has no access to & perhaps even no knowledge of. Give yourself permission to have an exit door open & planned for and not used.

    Then talk to the man.
    He's being a prime idiot, it will definitely end in tears as a minimum & unemployment as a definite possibility - should he not take a PAYG dumbphone with just the house & a taxi company number when going out drinking?
  • Claddagh_Noir
    Claddagh_Noir Posts: 245 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    As someone else said previously. He needs to be careful not landing in hot water at work on sexual harrassment charges.
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