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paddy's_mum

Why is colleague no.1 sending 'rude' pictures when she knows he is a married man?

Les79

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Why is colleague no.1 sending 'rude' pictures when she knows he is a married man?

Because they don't care about the OP.

Savvy_Sue

DigForVictory wrote: »

You feel foolish? He's behaving like a drunken lout. Apart from how you come to read his texts, you have nothing to reproach yourself with.

Please consider three things.

This is not the first time he's been a drunken idiot (that you know of) & the tolerance levels for that sort of conduct have dropped like a rock in the last couple of years.

It is not illegal, immoral, unsupportive or at all wrong to start a savings account he has no access to & perhaps even no knowledge of. Give yourself permission to have an exit door open & planned for and not used.

Then talk to the man.
He's being a prime idiot, it will definitely end in tears as a minimum & unemployment as a definite possibility - should he not take a PAYG dumbphone with just the house & a taxi company number when going out drinking?

This sums up the situation perfectly, however there's an alternative to the bit I've put in bold.

he could always go out and drink IN MODERATION rather than excessively.

How often does he do this? Is he actually a functioning alcoholic?

Runningfast

74jax wrote: »

Why does he have the numbers in the first place?

I would guess because it is pretty normal to have the phone numbers of some work colleagues. I have the personal phone numbers to a few of my work colleagues male and female.

Having phone numbers does not equate to guilt, what he is sending and receiving back may however!!

Marvel1

Sorry to say but the truth comes out when you had a few drinks.

Grezz24

Personally I would question if he actually loved you as that is not something you do if you love someone.

I love my wife, which means i dont ask for dirty pictures off my work colleagues, or send them suggestive messages.

If he likes to swap dirty messages he could always do it with you, his wife, and not some random from work.

SuperPikachu

He may well love you but he is definitely after something more if he is doing this.

Pollycat

I'm confused why the OP has titled the thread as she has.


If I were in the same situation, I wouldn't feel foolish - I'd be bloody furious.

mikeeboy

Being drunk is no excuse. This behaviour is 100% unacceptable if you're in a loving relationship.

TBagpuss

OP, I think, as others have said, that you need to talk to him, either just the two of you, or possibly with a professional such as a relationship counsellor.

The issues seem to be:

- He drinks heavily enough, on occasion, to do very stupid things which cause you distress, and which could result in his being dismissed for sexual harassment

- When he is uninhibited due to drink, he approaches other women in a sexual way. Being drunk doesn't make people do things they don't want to do. It does result in people doing things which normally they suppress or chose not to do.

- He's apparently doing this while drunk enough to have minimal self control, yet apparently sober enough to be able to select a contact and compose what are presumably coherent text messages. That doesn't sound like the text equivalent of someone who is at the point of hugging anyone in sight and telling them he loves them, it sounds more like someone who is a bit more relaxed than usual, doing what he would really like to do the rest of the time.

- at best, he is flirting with other women, at worst he is sexually harassing them


Since you love him, and he loves you, It sounds as though you and he need to have a serious conversation to think about whether he needs to manage his drinking so that he doesn't drink to the point where he behaves inappropriately, and perhaps also to talk about why he sends these messages. While you and he love one another, it may be that some of the excitement has gone from the relationship and looking at ways you and he can improve your communication with each other,to make sure that you can ask for what you want, romantically and emotionally, as well as sexually, from each other, may help.