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  • FIRST POST
    • CarpeDi3m
    • By CarpeDi3m 1st Mar 18, 12:22 PM
    • 8Posts
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    CarpeDi3m
    17 Daughter moving out
    • #1
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:22 PM
    17 Daughter moving out 1st Mar 18 at 12:22 PM
    My 17 year old daughter wants to move out as she can't live personally with the mother anymore (neglect). I am currently working abroad and I live 90 miles away from the children.
    What option does my daughter have and where could she get some advice from?
Page 1
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 1st Mar 18, 12:27 PM
    • 5,902 Posts
    • 6,174 Thanks
    Comms69
    • #2
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:27 PM
    • #2
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:27 PM
    Well very few. Until she turns 18 she cannot rent a property by herself.


    I assume you're the father? Can you rent on her behalf?


    Legally she should not live alone either to be fair. BUT most agencies accept it's very difficult to make a 17 year old do anything.
    • CarpeDi3m
    • By CarpeDi3m 1st Mar 18, 12:42 PM
    • 8 Posts
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    CarpeDi3m
    • #3
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:42 PM
    • #3
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:42 PM
    Yes I am the father, but I financially canít afford to rent on her behalf as I accumulated massive amount of debts and from the sale of family home I am not going to receive anything as ex is going to receive most of it.
    Are there any agencies she could turn to?
    • Comms69
    • By Comms69 1st Mar 18, 12:46 PM
    • 5,902 Posts
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    Comms69
    • #4
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:46 PM
    • #4
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:46 PM
    Yes I am the father, but I financially canít afford to rent on her behalf as I accumulated massive amount of debts and from the sale of family home I am not going to receive anything as ex is going to receive most of it.
    Are there any agencies she could turn to?
    Originally posted by CarpeDi3m
    Social services?


    But again it depends on the level of 'neglect' - she is 17 so in many ways self sufficient
    • CarpeDi3m
    • By CarpeDi3m 1st Mar 18, 12:52 PM
    • 8 Posts
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    CarpeDi3m
    • #5
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:52 PM
    • #5
    • 1st Mar 18, 12:52 PM
    thanks will give it a try.

    neglect - just another mother living of her children and not taking care of them
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 1st Mar 18, 1:09 PM
    • 1,559 Posts
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    kelpie35
    • #6
    • 1st Mar 18, 1:09 PM
    • #6
    • 1st Mar 18, 1:09 PM
    Is there no family that could help your daughter out?

    I do hope she can find a place that is safe and secure.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 1st Mar 18, 1:30 PM
    • 5,816 Posts
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    thorsoak
    • #7
    • 1st Mar 18, 1:30 PM
    • #7
    • 1st Mar 18, 1:30 PM
    http://www.coramvoice.org.uk/young-peoples-zone/faq/cin/i-can%E2%80%99t-live-home-anymore-i-will-be-homeless-can-i-get-help

    Coram Voice should be able to help with advice xx
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 1st Mar 18, 3:16 PM
    • 2,915 Posts
    • 7,148 Thanks
    ska lover
    • #8
    • 1st Mar 18, 3:16 PM
    • #8
    • 1st Mar 18, 3:16 PM
    Have her come live with you?
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 1st Mar 18, 6:24 PM
    • 39,251 Posts
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    Savvy_Sue
    • #9
    • 1st Mar 18, 6:24 PM
    • #9
    • 1st Mar 18, 6:24 PM
    Depends where she is. Foyer Federation has some places across the country, or there may be other supported housing schemes for young people in that area. A local link suggests Shelter for advice.

    Plus, she must be in some kind of education, there will be someone at school / college who can give advice and hopefully also support.
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    • fabforty
    • By fabforty 1st Mar 18, 6:35 PM
    • 758 Posts
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    fabforty
    You said you live 90 miles away from ' your children' which implies there are others apart from the 17 year old - are they neglected too? In which case sounds like you need a more permanent solution for all of your children, such as taking custody yourself - even if it means relocating.
    • wheelz
    • By wheelz 1st Mar 18, 7:20 PM
    • 332 Posts
    • 61 Thanks
    wheelz
    Is there social housing in your area? There should be a link on your council's website. There might be a minimum age of 18. Properties are let to those with the highest level of need. Might not be helpful immediately but always good to know.
    • John-K
    • By John-K 1st Mar 18, 7:50 PM
    • 654 Posts
    • 1,024 Thanks
    John-K
    Is there any reason that you cannot get a job in the U.K. and have them live with you?
    • Red-Squirrel
    • By Red-Squirrel 2nd Mar 18, 10:45 PM
    • 3,811 Posts
    • 10,269 Thanks
    Red-Squirrel
    thanks will give it a try.

    neglect - just another mother living of her children and not taking care of them
    Originally posted by CarpeDi3m
    With a father who isn't taking care of them either.

    Such a shame.
    • pearl123
    • By pearl123 11th Mar 18, 12:05 PM
    • 1,462 Posts
    • 2,163 Thanks
    pearl123
    My 17 year old daughter wants to move out as she can't live personally with the mother anymore (neglect). I am currently working abroad and I live 90 miles away from the children.
    What option does my daughter have and where could she get some advice from?
    Originally posted by CarpeDi3m
    Can she not come and stay with you? Or perhaps a relative?
    What a sad situation.
    • CarpeDi3m
    • By CarpeDi3m 28th Mar 18, 9:10 AM
    • 8 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    CarpeDi3m
    With a father who isn't taking care of them either.

    Such a shame.
    Originally posted by Red-Squirrel
    Wow super advice.

    I am currently paying 2700 (Mortgage, CMS and Travle cost) a month to see me kids and I have on top 40h travel to see my children.

    I assume you are a stay home mother, too?
    • jackomdj
    • By jackomdj 29th Jul 18, 3:57 PM
    • 2,892 Posts
    • 3,591 Thanks
    jackomdj
    You say you live 90m away, so I assume you have a permanent UK address, could your Daughter move into your UK property?
    • BAFE
    • By BAFE 30th Jul 18, 12:22 PM
    • 129 Posts
    • 159 Thanks
    BAFE
    I'm a bit puzzled as to how a 17 year old is suffering from neglect. Surely at 17 she is self-sufficient?????

    Can you tell us a bit more about the neglect please?
    • Rubik
    • By Rubik 30th Jul 18, 1:18 PM
    • 298 Posts
    • 617 Thanks
    Rubik
    If there a number of children living with the Mother, and neglect is an issue, it won't just be the 17 year old who is being neglected.
    If mum is failing in her parental duties and care, then it is down to you to provide a home for all the children and look after them.
    • peter12345678910
    • By peter12345678910 6th Aug 18, 4:14 AM
    • 314 Posts
    • 66 Thanks
    peter12345678910
    So you are stuck as an outsider and want to explore options:

    The most obvious is for her to see a gp, check her emotional health there are drugs to help with depression and counseling.

    Is the mother the ex. ?

    Not sure what neglect means to a 17 year old as she is no baby?

    Has she plans for further education than she would be found a place by the university?

    Can she not come to you?

    There is https://www.youngwomenstrust.org for 16 year to 30.
    When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.

    Friedrich Nietzsche
    • Arrius
    • By Arrius 7th Aug 18, 8:19 AM
    • 5 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Arrius
    I would have her come live with me. I don't know about your work situation but a 17-year-old with no income cannot survive a month by herself.
    Safety being the primary concern, no matter what happened with the ex, you should try to find a way for her to stay with you until she can at least graduate from a university and get a decent job.
    I have a 3-year-old daughter myself and I am very sensitive when it comes to family matters such as this, no child should be homeless or live in unsavory conditions when she has a family that is alive and well.
    Are all her grandparents dead or are there no relatives that can take care of her for the time being?
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