2018: Saving for Wedding and potential IVF

coastalchick · 5 January 2018 at 1:40PM

As it's a new year, I thought a new diary was appropriate. Plus, I was glad to see the back of 2017 so didn't really want to carry on a new diary.

About me: turning 40 this year, engaged, 1 cat. 2017 was a strange year. Ups: OH and I bought a house and got engaged, Downs: Cat had to have 3 surgeries (though he is fine now) and I had a miscarriage at the end of August. It was our first child and it was literally the worst experience of my life. Trying again but it's not happening. Seeing specialist 15 Jan to see what he advises. But potentially might need to go for IVF as suspect miscarriage was down to my egg quality with my age.

We got engaged on a Friday and by the Monday we had decided on a date for wedding 5 months after, On the Tuesday we found out we were pregnant. Planned but unexpected as it was our first go. So we postponed the wedding and set another 2 potential dates for after baby due. However, 8 weeks later, found out we had lost the baby and are now a bit in limbo. Can't decide whether to just elope or just get on and book a big day for say June/July to give me chance to lose weight. Could well get pregnant in that time and worries are, if I do: morning sickness on the day (suffered from it SO badly last time), or miscarrying again. Also put off big day in case we need the cash for IVF. So many bloody issues!!!!

ANYWAY. I have no debt (though was in debt massively in my 20's) other than mortgage. But savings were massively depleted when we bought house last year. Pension only just been started though have a flat in Tooting which is part of my pension. Ok financially but still worry. And particularly now because of potential costs of wedding/IVF.

So need to keep self on straight and narrow!!!

Tonight or tomorrow is big shop and have made a list. Won't be cheapest as we are going to try to do healthy stuff. No plans for weekend going out AT ALL for whole of January which am very very happy about!!!!

Lunch today will be some fried eggs and wholemeal bread from stores.

coastalchick · 6 January 2018 at 10:37AM

So, lunch was frugal. We did a big shop last night except meat which will get from butchers today. £89. That is not bad as we live offshore so everything is a premium. Just got to get meat and a few other bits. Also included 4 pots of dried herbs we didn't have.

Today we are staying in, and tonight.

Annoyed at OH - he had been paying for 2 spotify accounts for 54 months without realising!!!! Over £500 wasted!!!!! They are refunding 20 months (which is max they can refund) and giving him credit for the remainder. I just don't get how he could not have noticed!!!!!

EscapingTheAlarm · 6 January 2018 at 10:48AM

Good luck on your journey and we’ll done for getting out of debt in the first place- I’m very envious!
I would say go for it with eloping! You could have an amazing day but not spend half the money that you would on having a big wedding!
I’m really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I’m not superstitious at all but I think that 2017 was such a terrible year for so many people that 2018 has surely got to be better! I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you that you have a lovely little baby by the end of it!
ETA x

coastalchick · 6 January 2018 at 11:22AM

Thank you Escaping! Yes, I had heard 2017 wasn't a great year for lots of people - weird hey?!

I was in debt for a long long time (and bad debt too) so understand how hard it can be. Mine was really a result of not being financially educated, and being pretty stupid trying to keep up with others at Uni. There was no excuse for my being in debt and it really pains me to think now of how much I wasted. I had a well-paying Saturday job all through Uni and had as many hours as I wanted in the holidays - if I had been savvy, I could have come out of Uni with loads of savings but I frittered it away. If I am lucky enough to have a child, I will make damn sure they understand money, value and what an interest rate is from birth!!!!

MeenaM · 6 January 2018 at 11:26AM

Hello and welcome

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of you baby and I wish you well with IVF if you should need that.

How much do you now have in savings? If I was in your position I would leave the wedding for now especially while you are wanting to try again for a baby , a wedding is stressful no matter which way you look at it , so i would postpone that and concentrate on saving more and trying for a baby

my husband is the same ! it is amazing how they don't notice these things but it can also work the other way mine discovered an account he had forgotten about that had £800 in ! go figure!!

coastalchick · 6 January 2018 at 11:41AM

Thanks Meena!

I have about 27k and so does OH (though his are in form of shares). I know that is a fair whack but if we need IVF that's easily 5k a pop as we would also likely have to fly to UK so will be flights and accommodation on top of usual costs. So that could run out relatively quickly, with a wedding too. My dad has said he will pay for food and drink which will help but it would still be expensive. And we want to have savings behind us in case anything happens.

OH has a flat which we tried to sell to buy our house last year but which didn't shift so we just rented it. It's back on the market for sale (still tenanted) but zero interest. If that sells we'd get a fair whack out in equity but that would be invested/put away. We are both quite cautious with money now.

In an ideal world I'd like to put off the wedding until we have a baby (you're right, it's v stressful!), but by same token we just want to be married and don't want to be sat here in a year's time with no baby and not married. Hence we are thinking of eloping just toe two of us to our happy place. Sod's law, we will book that and I'll get pregnant again!

coastalchick · 6 January 2018 at 11:42AM

ps - why are men so rubbish with these finance things?! Us, as women, would have noticed straight away!!!

natsplatnat · 6 January 2018 at 11:48AM

coastalchick wrote: »

ps - why are men so rubbish with these finance things?! Us, as women, would have noticed straight away!!!

Oh sooo true! I am still trying to track down accounts that OH opened 10 years ago when he received an inheritance and 'squirrelled' some away. At the same time, I am sending complaints off left, right and centre for ppi OH had! Men eh?!

Poor_Single_lady · 6 January 2018 at 11:49AM

Hello Coastal. Happy new year. How nice to see your new diary.
I love the idea of eloping (and would if I wasn't single) but it is a bold decision. Need to make sure that your decisions make you happy.
Hoping that 2018 will see you a mum. Hope you aren't too busy to keep trying! xxx

EscapingTheAlarm · 6 January 2018 at 11:53AM

Just a thought about IVF. DH and I may have to go through IVF due to DH having pretty aggressive treatment for an illness last year and we’ve been told that if that’s the case then we are likely to get at least a few attempts for free- have you asked anyone of it would be the same for you?
You have a really good amount of savings in my view but I agree that if it were me, I would pay for IVF over a wedding. Can you just go straight away and elope? I’ve always thought that would be really romantic!
Meena, I’m very jealous of the forgotten £800! My DH would more likely have forgotten an £800 bill!
ETA x

coastalchick · 6 January 2018 at 12:09PM

Thanks Nats and PSL! Good to be back!

Hope you find the accounts Nats - I think our men should be whipped until they understand!!!

Yes PSL, I am just not sure if that is exactly what I want, and neither is OH. It's just annoying. We thought about having an afternoon tea party in our garden as our wedding but it was just as expensive to hire a marquee and loos/tables etc. But I am trying to convince OH we could buy two of those massive white tents and join them together then sell them afterwards! And hire loos so people don't tramp through house for toilet. It could be SO much cheaper but if weather rubbish we are screwed. My friend's brother in law also used to be a chef at a really good restaurant and is branching out into outdoor catering so could use him and get a good deal (as she would probably be invited to the wedding!)

2018: Saving for Wedding and potential IVF

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