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  • FIRST POST
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 5th Jan 18, 12:40 PM
    • 288Posts
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    coastalchick
    2018: Saving for Wedding and potential IVF
    • #1
    • 5th Jan 18, 12:40 PM
    2018: Saving for Wedding and potential IVF 5th Jan 18 at 12:40 PM
    As it's a new year, I thought a new diary was appropriate. Plus, I was glad to see the back of 2017 so didn't really want to carry on a new diary.

    About me: turning 40 this year, engaged, 1 cat. 2017 was a strange year. Ups: OH and I bought a house and got engaged, Downs: Cat had to have 3 surgeries (though he is fine now) and I had a miscarriage at the end of August. It was our first child and it was literally the worst experience of my life. Trying again but it's not happening. Seeing specialist 15 Jan to see what he advises. But potentially might need to go for IVF as suspect miscarriage was down to my egg quality with my age.

    We got engaged on a Friday and by the Monday we had decided on a date for wedding 5 months after, On the Tuesday we found out we were pregnant. Planned but unexpected as it was our first go. So we postponed the wedding and set another 2 potential dates for after baby due. However, 8 weeks later, found out we had lost the baby and are now a bit in limbo. Can't decide whether to just elope or just get on and book a big day for say June/July to give me chance to lose weight. Could well get pregnant in that time and worries are, if I do: morning sickness on the day (suffered from it SO badly last time), or miscarrying again. Also put off big day in case we need the cash for IVF. So many bloody issues!!!!

    ANYWAY. I have no debt (though was in debt massively in my 20's) other than mortgage. But savings were massively depleted when we bought house last year. Pension only just been started though have a flat in Tooting which is part of my pension. Ok financially but still worry. And particularly now because of potential costs of wedding/IVF.

    So need to keep self on straight and narrow!!!

    Tonight or tomorrow is big shop and have made a list. Won't be cheapest as we are going to try to do healthy stuff. No plans for weekend going out AT ALL for whole of January which am very very happy about!!!!

    Lunch today will be some fried eggs and wholemeal bread from stores.
Page 1
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 9:37 AM
    • 288 Posts
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    coastalchick
    • #2
    • 6th Jan 18, 9:37 AM
    • #2
    • 6th Jan 18, 9:37 AM
    So, lunch was frugal. We did a big shop last night except meat which will get from butchers today. 89. That is not bad as we live offshore so everything is a premium. Just got to get meat and a few other bits. Also included 4 pots of dried herbs we didn't have.

    Today we are staying in, and tonight.

    Annoyed at OH - he had been paying for 2 spotify accounts for 54 months without realising!!!! Over 500 wasted!!!!! They are refunding 20 months (which is max they can refund) and giving him credit for the remainder. I just don't get how he could not have noticed!!!!!
    • EscapingTheAlarm
    • By EscapingTheAlarm 6th Jan 18, 9:48 AM
    • 102 Posts
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    EscapingTheAlarm
    • #3
    • 6th Jan 18, 9:48 AM
    • #3
    • 6th Jan 18, 9:48 AM
    Good luck on your journey and we!!!8217;ll done for getting out of debt in the first place- I!!!8217;m very envious!
    I would say go for it with eloping! You could have an amazing day but not spend half the money that you would on having a big wedding!
    I!!!8217;m really sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I!!!8217;m not superstitious at all but I think that 2017 was such a terrible year for so many people that 2018 has surely got to be better! I!!!8217;ll keep my fingers crossed for you that you have a lovely little baby by the end of it!
    ETA x
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 10:22 AM
    • 288 Posts
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    coastalchick
    • #4
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:22 AM
    • #4
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:22 AM
    Thank you Escaping! Yes, I had heard 2017 wasn't a great year for lots of people - weird hey?!

    I was in debt for a long long time (and bad debt too) so understand how hard it can be. Mine was really a result of not being financially educated, and being pretty stupid trying to keep up with others at Uni. There was no excuse for my being in debt and it really pains me to think now of how much I wasted. I had a well-paying Saturday job all through Uni and had as many hours as I wanted in the holidays - if I had been savvy, I could have come out of Uni with loads of savings but I frittered it away. If I am lucky enough to have a child, I will make damn sure they understand money, value and what an interest rate is from birth!!!!
    • MeenaM
    • By MeenaM 6th Jan 18, 10:26 AM
    • 250 Posts
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    MeenaM
    • #5
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:26 AM
    • #5
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:26 AM
    Hello and welcome

    I am very sorry to hear about the loss of you baby and I wish you well with IVF if you should need that.

    How much do you now have in savings? If I was in your position I would leave the wedding for now especially while you are wanting to try again for a baby , a wedding is stressful no matter which way you look at it , so i would postpone that and concentrate on saving more and trying for a baby

    my husband is the same ! it is amazing how they don't notice these things but it can also work the other way mine discovered an account he had forgotten about that had 800 in ! go figure!!
    Sealed Pot 11. #199Next1170Barclays Credit Card 4891.20/0- 0% ends April 2019 virgin 0% ends july 2020 4138 3845.89AA Credit Card 860 0- 0% ends Dec 2017 Sainsburys Credit Card 521.27-0 0% ends Feb 2018 STARTED Nov 17AIM TO BE DEBT FREE JULY 2019Emergency Fund 614/1000
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 10:41 AM
    • 288 Posts
    • 462 Thanks
    coastalchick
    • #6
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:41 AM
    • #6
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:41 AM
    Thanks Meena!

    I have about 27k and so does OH (though his are in form of shares). I know that is a fair whack but if we need IVF that's easily 5k a pop as we would also likely have to fly to UK so will be flights and accommodation on top of usual costs. So that could run out relatively quickly, with a wedding too. My dad has said he will pay for food and drink which will help but it would still be expensive. And we want to have savings behind us in case anything happens.

    OH has a flat which we tried to sell to buy our house last year but which didn't shift so we just rented it. It's back on the market for sale (still tenanted) but zero interest. If that sells we'd get a fair whack out in equity but that would be invested/put away. We are both quite cautious with money now.

    In an ideal world I'd like to put off the wedding until we have a baby (you're right, it's v stressful!), but by same token we just want to be married and don't want to be sat here in a year's time with no baby and not married. Hence we are thinking of eloping just toe two of us to our happy place. Sod's law, we will book that and I'll get pregnant again!
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 10:42 AM
    • 288 Posts
    • 462 Thanks
    coastalchick
    • #7
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:42 AM
    • #7
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:42 AM
    ps - why are men so rubbish with these finance things?! Us, as women, would have noticed straight away!!!
    • natsplatnat
    • By natsplatnat 6th Jan 18, 10:48 AM
    • 2,800 Posts
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    natsplatnat
    • #8
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:48 AM
    • #8
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:48 AM
    ps - why are men so rubbish with these finance things?! Us, as women, would have noticed straight away!!!
    Originally posted by coastalchick

    Oh sooo true! I am still trying to track down accounts that OH opened 10 years ago when he received an inheritance and 'squirrelled' some away. At the same time, I am sending complaints off left, right and centre for ppi OH had! Men eh?!
    LBM ,- Wed 19th Nov 2008 21,225 PAID OFF
    *DEBT FREE 28th September 2015*
    *2018 cashback pending 99.80, paid ??*


    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 6th Jan 18, 10:49 AM
    • 1,399 Posts
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    Poor_Single_lady
    • #9
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:49 AM
    • #9
    • 6th Jan 18, 10:49 AM
    Hello Coastal. Happy new year. How nice to see your new diary.
    I love the idea of eloping (and would if I wasn't single) but it is a bold decision. Need to make sure that your decisions make you happy.
    Hoping that 2018 will see you a mum. Hope you aren't too busy to keep trying! xxx
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • EscapingTheAlarm
    • By EscapingTheAlarm 6th Jan 18, 10:53 AM
    • 102 Posts
    • 220 Thanks
    EscapingTheAlarm
    Just a thought about IVF. DH and I may have to go through IVF due to DH having pretty aggressive treatment for an illness last year and we!!!8217;ve been told that if that!!!8217;s the case then we are likely to get at least a few attempts for free- have you asked anyone of it would be the same for you?
    You have a really good amount of savings in my view but I agree that if it were me, I would pay for IVF over a wedding. Can you just go straight away and elope? I!!!8217;ve always thought that would be really romantic!
    Meena, I!!!8217;m very jealous of the forgotten 800! My DH would more likely have forgotten an 800 bill!
    ETA x
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 11:09 AM
    • 288 Posts
    • 462 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Thanks Nats and PSL! Good to be back!

    Hope you find the accounts Nats - I think our men should be whipped until they understand!!!

    Yes PSL, I am just not sure if that is exactly what I want, and neither is OH. It's just annoying. We thought about having an afternoon tea party in our garden as our wedding but it was just as expensive to hire a marquee and loos/tables etc. But I am trying to convince OH we could buy two of those massive white tents and join them together then sell them afterwards! And hire loos so people don't tramp through house for toilet. It could be SO much cheaper but if weather rubbish we are screwed. My friend's brother in law also used to be a chef at a really good restaurant and is branching out into outdoor catering so could use him and get a good deal (as she would probably be invited to the wedding!)
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 11:12 AM
    • 288 Posts
    • 462 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Oh Escaping, sorry to hear your OH has been ill. Hope all is ok now.x

    I don't think we will where we live. Seeing specialist on 15th so will ask. Checked with private health already and doesn't cover it. Sadly we can't due to having to give notice of marriage to get married in UK. We would have to be resident for 7 days and we are looking at doing that in May. Then get married in June in UK. We could do Scotland without giving notice but wouldn't want to do it anywhere we weren't sure we loved. We almost decided to do Sicily last year (we had a holiday booked and it ended up being about 2 weeks post-miscarriage) and glad we didn't as we hated Sicily! (even came home early!!). But we know place we are thinking of doing it is our happy place.
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Jan 18, 2:17 PM
    • 288 Posts
    • 462 Thanks
    coastalchick
    OH has just spent 93.56 on a ladder. I will be paying half. We do need one because there is Ivy growing up side of house and trees which need lopping and gutters need checking. OH can do all of those things (he's pretty handy - he replaced a cracked tile in hall and has tiled a whole bathroom before.

    We have decided to start decorating at home which is also obv going to cost. In our last place (which was mine but OH lived there with me for almost 2 years) we didn't decorate until we were selling - seems silly not to enjoy it and we will be in this house for a while (if not forever) so need to crack on. At the moment we will just start with the Hallway and landing - OH will do all the work (I will help where I can or we might agree that I'll do all the food shopping/cooking whilst he's doing that) so should not be toooooo bad. The previous owners liked yellow. A LOT. And brown carpet up the stairs (practical but hideous). In fact, it's the whole of the upstairs! So we will get new carpet too.

    Another thing to save for! But we are trying not to be out much over the next couple of months and I will hopefully get a (no doubt small) bonus end march so that might cover some of it.
    • amanda p
    • By amanda p 6th Jan 18, 5:22 PM
    • 33 Posts
    • 182 Thanks
    amanda p
    Have a look at Wee weddings in Scotland. My friend got married there 2 years ago, just the two of them on a beach in Scotland with a piper. It was quite idyllic and they organise everything.
    • EscapingTheAlarm
    • By EscapingTheAlarm 6th Jan 18, 5:27 PM
    • 102 Posts
    • 220 Thanks
    EscapingTheAlarm
    Thanks - he got the all clear in October so we're feeling very lucky!
    A June wedding would be lovely, especially if it's in a place which is important to you. How exciting!
    I think it's a good idea to make your home somewhere that you love. You spend so much time there that it's worth spending a bit of money to make it the way you want.
    ETA x
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 8th Jan 18, 6:42 PM
    • 288 Posts
    • 462 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Thanks ladies. We have now (after many spreadsheets and discussion yesterday), decided that depending on what specialist says on monday (i.e. if he says go straight for IVF then we will put plans on ice), to get married where we live in June! (presuming we can get a date at the venues we want). It is SO much easier than eloping and the cost difference, whilst not insignificant, isn't as bad as we thought. I do think we'd regret eloping as we would at least want our family there, plus certain friends. We made a list last night - 39 guests, 2 kids and us = 41 adults and 2 kids. Then around another 20 or so (possibly less) in the evening.

    Because the venue has a minimum spend for the day, we won't get ripped off in them insisting on catering for the whole of the evening possy - we can just say bring out bacon rolls and we might have a cake made of cheese rather than a sponge cake so people can tuck into that with crackers (think M&S do them relatively cheaply)

    As most of you who read my previous diary know, still hate work so mondays are a real struggle. I am now trying to look at being at work as saving - I am being heated by their heating, drinking their coffee/filtered water and not having to have heating on/boil kettle at home. I also obviously get paid for being there. That will hopefully make it easier.

    Been a NSD today - B roasted a chicken last night so we had some of that in sandwiches at work today plus yoghurts from home. Tonight is body coach chicken pie from stores.

    I now have to get on a MASSIVE diet as need to shed at least 1.5 stone by May to be measured for dress!!!!!
    • Dgmum
    • By Dgmum 8th Jan 18, 6:52 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Dgmum
    So sorry to hear about your losses I've had 2 MCs but now have 2 rainbow babies. Congratulations on your engagement you'll find lots of tips on the wedding boards best advise it's your day. Invite who you like at the end of the day it's about the two of you celebrating your love publicly and commuting to each other the rest doesn't matter.
    • Dgmum
    • By Dgmum 8th Jan 18, 6:55 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Dgmum
    Also I lost weight from organising the wedding don't put to m7ch pressure on yourself. Weddings and babies are stressful so take it easy.
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 8th Jan 18, 7:28 PM
    • 288 Posts
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    coastalchick
    Thanks Dgmum - so sorry for your losses too - MC is an awful thing. Really glad you got your rainbow babies though! x
    • Dgmum
    • By Dgmum 9th Jan 18, 10:35 AM
    • 5 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    Dgmum
    Support if you need with Mcs it can be offered though the Brooke advise centre ir SANDS best advice through is try and relax soneone I know had IVF and had her 2nd child naturally and I fell pregnant again 3 1/2 months after a MC. Whilst any babies can't replace the ones you've lost those will always be in your heart. Hold on to the fact that for some people it does happen usually when they relax.
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