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Certainly does help make things more simple if comments are taken purely and simply at face value only - because that is almost certainly how they are meant.
Person making them is probably more likely to be thinking along lines of "That aspect of my life is sorted or good and so is this one - but still working on getting this aspect right and that right etc etc". A positive comment about one aspect of one's life is more likely to be part of a personal mental checklist of "Correct/sorted/etc parts of life = 5" and "Things that still have something wrong with them in life = 10" and mental note made to see if one can deal with at least one of the "wrong" things in life over current year.
I don't know how many other people think that way - but certainly some people regard their lives as "To be worked on" and will continue regarding them as "To be worked on" until such time as they are absolutely correct (body/money/home/Life). One of the downsides of getting older is that there comes a point where one stops being optimistic that "All will be sorted at some point" and starts worrying whether one's life will ever be completely sorted or has the cynical feeling that you might "raise a glass in celebration of Done It At Last and everything is correct" at some grand old age and won't have the benefit of a life that is fully "done and dusted" until there's only a couple of years of it left to live anyway:cool:
But that doesnt mean to say one doesnt keep trying and thinking "I could tweak the looks and improve them that way" and "tweak the health and improve it this way" and so on. On that note - some tweaking of the garden to be done this afternoon, as I cant afford the hugely expensive garden makeover I'm accummulating ideas for yet (it's on the "goodness knows when" list) - but can maybe make it look just marginally better. Even marginally better is an improvement.:)0 -
Crochet armour added to the 'to do' list.
I just plod on with as much positivity I can muster and try to help myself as best I can whatever comes my way. Life is tiring though right?
Money I have learned a lot from you these past few months. I know my 'sensitive' post will probably have resonated with you given I have reacted to your posts in the past. I now realise that you were writing about yourself, your point of view and it was my insecurities that took it as a dig. And after all that you helped guide me when I started to ask questions about food and changing my diet. I have learned to calm down, take your comments at face value and I have to say I have thoroughly enjoyed reading how you tweak your life of late.
Right I'm off because I going to turn another thread into fuddle's therapy session! So sorry, just alot going on. X0 -
I think personal remarks say more about the speaker than they ever say about the person spoken about.All that clutter used to be money0
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I learnt the following mantras this year and they have helped me enormously. I just take a deep breath and repeat them as necessary. They give me “thinking time” so instead of a knee jerk reaction I slow down and consider what my response should be or even if a response is appropriate. I think most of the time a response is both unnecessary and can often be counter productive.
1. I don’t have to show up to every argument.
This means that even if someone says something that hurts or wounds me or even just makes my blood boil I just “saunter on by” and don’t allow myself to be provoked.
2. It’s none of my business what people think of me.
This means I now take the view that people either like and approve of me or they don’t. That realistically I cannot change someone’s perception of me. I cannot change their opinion of me so I no longer waste my time and energy on trying.
For me my journey towards a simple life has not just been about clearing physical stuff and clutter but it has also been about creating head space and more space in my heart to love and cherish those who matter to me.
It has meant “decluttering” people from my life who were only causing me pain and heartache. Not as easy as it sounds, but well worth effort in the long run.0 -
lessonlearned wrote: »I learnt the following mantras this year and they have helped me enormously. I just take a deep breath and repeat them as necessary. They give me “thinking time” so instead of a knee jerk reaction I slow down and consider what my response should be or even if a response is appropriate. I think most of the time a response is both unnecessary and can often be counter productive.
1. I don’t have to show up to every argument.
This means that even if someone says something that hurts or wounds me or even just makes my blood boil I just “saunter on by” and don’t allow myself to be provoked.
2. It’s none of my business what people think of me.
This means I now take the view that people either like and approve of me or they don’t. That realistically I cannot change someone’s perception of me. I cannot change their opinion of me so I no longer waste my time and energy on trying.
For me my journey towards a simple life has not just been about clearing physical stuff and clutter but it has also been about creating head space and more space in my heart to love and cherish those who matter to me.
It has meant “decluttering” people from my life who were only causing me pain and heartache. Not as easy as it sounds, but well worth effort in the long run.
Thank you ‘lesson learned’ Unfortunately I find it easier said than done when it comes to ignoring people. Sometimes, depending on my mood, I can ignore what I perceive to be a hurtful comment but at other times I massively over react. You would think that after nearly 60 years on the planet, I would have learnt that most people ‘are not out to get me’.
The one thing I am usually successful in, is realising how fortunate I am - I have a lovely husband, we are mortgage free, we have money for luxuries and most importantly both of us are fairly healthy. And now of course, I have access to all you wonderful people who do not let life grind you down!
My hopes for 2018 are that all of you have success in what you do, that any health problems are alleviated and that happiness & contentment come to you in whatever form you desire.
Seasons greetings to you all.Be Kind. Stay Safe. Break the Chain. Save Lives.2024 Savings Pot Challenge: As a monthly amount, running total = £116.85
Jan £5; Feb £13; Mch £25; Apr £31:65; May £42.20; Jun £??; July £??; Aug £??; Sep £??; Oct £??; Nov £??; Dec £??. Grand Total £??0 -
Mrs Salad Dodger......lovely name.....
I never said it was easy. I’m still a work in progress. :rotfl:
But yes, after the trials and tribulations of 2017 I am looking forward with hope, faith and optimism to a happier and more serene 2018.
I had to “divorce” my sister this year .......one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. But......she broke my heart so I just said “enough” and walked away. I said goodbye to pain, turmoil and trauma and chose happiness.
I’ve never looked back. I still love her dearly, I have forgiven her but not forgotten, nor will I and I shall continue to keep her at arms length. It’s just better that way.
I wish you too and indeed all who read this thread a happy, simple and peaceful 2018.0 -
FUDDLE - oh well....the past is the past and "times move on" imo.
LESSONLEARNED - that's the thing about life. You've had it very hard with your sister and I think you took the best decision to "divorce" her and you've made it as "calm" as you can. Sometimes one does have to "divorce" people.
It's a shame and I've had to divorce someone I counted as a friend this year (nothing remotely like in the same category of hurt as you've had I'm well aware....). They did various things that made it extremely clear that they had no concern whatsoever for my welfare and weren't going to listen to me explaining they'd put both myself and my possessions at risk (as they had "repeat offended" at doing so - and so clearly hadnt listened the first time I'd tried to explain). So I just thought "No point in telling them 'what for' about the way they are - it'll go in one ear and out the other. Just quietly/instantly/completely cut contact" and that's what I did. I just didnt see the point in "yelling at them" about what they'd done - and just thought "Off the Christmas card list etc and I won't make any more contact - or respond to any from them (unless it's a genuine apology) and I very much doubt I'll get that. So that's that".0 -
Sorry to hear that Money. But you bit the bullet and did what you had to do.
It’s a self preservation thing.......;)0 -
Lessonlearned, I gained so much from the thread earlier this year that you posted on. I've found that I can shrug and think it doesn't matter for the first time ever rather than, at best, feeling resentment. I hope that your life is also better for simplifying your relationshipIt doesn't matter if you are a glass half full or half empty sort of person. Keep it topped up! Cheers!0
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