Has anyone reinvented themselves or their lives ?

I have tried relocating 3 times. each time it's gone hideously wrong. I just need my support network too much..

BBH123 wrote: »

Very wise words, please don't get me wrong I'm no ogre and am very sociable but am also aware I have to work at it. The friends I do have are all accomplished and established so we all have views , I don't force them on people but if I 'm asked I'm not wishy washy I'll have a definitive answer.


I think right now I am busy enough and happy going out periodically but am aware when I retire I will have more time to fill and would like to get out there and do things but not always alone.

I have relocated many times with work and have made friends along the way but once I or they have moved on we have drifted apart. Maybe that's just the way of modern life.

I didn't think you were an ogre. It takes wisdom, understanding and bravery to look at yourself, see your faults and to want to improve, ogres can't do this. Not being wishy washy is often a good thing, at least people know where they stand with you. It can be difficult to relocate, especially if you have a support network around you who you need, Facebook isn't the same, but it does work for a lot of people so it's worth trying.

I think it is possible to change your life around - whether that is the physical location or the more social/emotional aspect. However in my personal experience I think it is worth working out whether it is what you really want, or something you feel you "should" want. I too have been considered to "have strong views" (or just plain wierd in the words of a former work colleague), and at times felt that there was something wrong with me and learnd to not share thse views so readily. When I retired I felt that I should be filling my time with activities as I live alone and threw myself into trying new things. Over the last couple of years though I realised that although I can enjoy other people's company on a very superficial level for the couple of hours we spend together I also enjoy going home and doing my own thing. I am always learning new things (or trying to) and am happy to go to talks/eveningclasses/cinema etc. on my own. I consider myself to be close to my daughter, and my brother and his wife, and have 2 very longstanding friends - but we do not necessarily spend loads of time together. I have a friendly-but-reserved relationship with my neighbours - i.e. we speak if we see each other, and take parcels in etc. but don't pop in and out of each others' houses. In the past I did wonder why I didn't have the mad social whirl that "everyone" else seemed to live and sometimes tried very hard to fit in. However I have now realised that a) a lot of what I saw was quite superficial/transient; b) it is just the way I am and that's ok.

If you are unhappy about your life then it is possible to change. Sometimes just the knowledge that you are unhappy can make you look at yourself and make the changes, or you could look to counselling to enable you to understand yourself better and see how you could adjust your thinking. However I would say if you are basically happy then why worry too much? If you are open to new people and experiences without having too many expectations then changes happen over time anyway.
If you really want to "be able to walk to windswept beaches and open country with my dogs and a village setting with a good community feel" then there's no reason why you shouldn't go for it as long as you realise you will have to put the effort in to try to make it happen. Sometimes these dreams don't work so well in reality though as some smaller communities can be less than welcoming to new people. For my purposes I prefer my large-ish town. Large enough to have a diverse population and plenty of activities and transport to them (if you don't drive), but not so large as to feel impersonal.