Has anyone reinvented themselves or their lives ?

engineer_amy

Not a relocation, but a reinvention all the same.


After years of being significantly overweight (since early school days), I lost a large amount of weight - 8 stone.


I would never have said I was unhappy before, in fact I was quite content as I was, however now im happier than ever.


While I always had confidence in myself, this change gave me a new lease of life - I changed my wardrobe completely, wearing items and styles I would never have dreamt of previously - dramatic change of haircolour and style, swapping glasses for contacts etc. Now people who I hadn't seen in a while would walk straight past me as I am completely unrecognisable to the person I was.


I joined a gym and changed my lifestyle completely and simply spent more time on "me" rather than worrying about other people. I made some new friends at the gym who have a similar outlook to me. This made one of my old friends quite jealous actually - I only had 2 people who I could count on as close friends and was quite dependant on them for my social life. This one friend also relied quite heavily on me to sort out her frequent dramas and knew she could call on me at a moments notice to help her out as, in her words, I wasn't doing anything else with anyone else.
Now all of a sudden I was busy at the gym, or socialising with a wider circle of friends so couldn't devote all my time to her. Also most of my socialising with her involved sitting in one of our houses with numerous bottles of wine and listening to her and her problems. With becoming more health conscious, I had cut down on my alcohol intake, and tried to suggest other activities to socialise, but she didn't seem interested as then she wouldn't be the sole focus of my attention.


Sorry - this seems to have turned into a bit of a rant!
Back to your OP - New hobbies can help you develop friendships with people of shared interests, and not necessarily with people in the same age group or background as yourself. If you consider friends that you have grown up with from your home town or school they are likely to be similar age. My new friends from the gym are 24, 43,44 and 50 - im 34, we are all quite different backgrounds also, but have bonded well enough to have booked a holiday together next year, meet up for lunch/coffee once a week etc

System

It depends what you are looking for. Not everyone has lots of 'old friends' simply because they have moved a lot in their life either for work or housing etc as I have. You may be one of those people who is very comfortable with their own company 99% of the time, but is happy exchanging pleasantries with other dog walkers ( you mention dogs, a sure way to have people talk to you!) or having a coffee with a neighbour. If you like gardening then an allotment or garden club might be a good way of meeting locals, most villages have one. If you hope to move near a beach, a beach cleaning group might be an idea, if there isn't one you could start one! See if 'casual friendships' are enough, as opposed to seeking a bosom buddy ( though you might find one anyway).

I think a change of location can be great, look around, a small rural town might suit better than a village? Thinking ahead, if you find somewhere nice see what village life would be like in the winter ( go and visit in January when it's raining!). If and when you can't drive, is there public transport, can you shop easily, get to the cinema/theatre,library, doctors. Is there something there that you are interested in that makes you 'happy' , doesn't have to be a shared interest, photography maybe?

Good luck, I want to move too, not possible at the moment or possibly ever, but make the best of where you are now if you can whilst looking for your ideal place to live ( nowhere is perfect but some places are definitely closer to it!).

seven-day-weekend

My husband partially re-invented himself when we went to live in Spain after he had taken early retirement. He became a Spanish version of his English self . He called himself by the Spanish version of his name. So Laurence became Lorenzo (not his real name/s). He helped with sheep herding and olive harvests. He gave a couple of lectures to some visiting Geology students about the local landscape and farming methods. Despite being a city boy in the UK, he was interviewed about this by Radio 4's Farming Today, and was on the radio in the UK as an 'expert' on this Spanish area of mountainous farming land. He learned to paint and play the guitar (unfortunately not Flamenco, for which you need twenty fingers). He took loads of photographs, some of which are still in the village's little museum. He was invited to be the official photographer at a Gitano (Spanish Gypsy) First Communion.

He has continued with some aspects of Lorenzo since we returned to the UK, mainly the music and art, from both of which he makes decent pocket money. Enough to keep him in guitars, anyway.

So yes, interests and hobbies are important and if you are that way inclined,living in and learning the language and culture of a foreign country are invaluable

[Deleted User]

Wow some really inspiring stories thankyou all for sharing.


It's made me feel quite motivated and I love a quote I found from Denzil Washington saying ' Six months from now you can be in a completely different space, mentally, spiritually and financially. Keep working and believing in yourself '.

jp1964

Yes, I reinvented myself and changed my life completely, after making the decision to leave my husband of 31 years in 2017 after too many unhappy years, the children were all grown, and I literally realised that my life was mine to do what I want with, and being with someone who made me very unhappy was entirely my choice now.
It was only a few weeks after leaving him, that I discovered that he had been going behind my back with another woman and had been planning to move into a rented house with her only weeks before I left him. There is a lot more that went on after that which I will not bore you with...

I carried on working in my job, got on with my life and lost 4 stone in weight by simply eating better and cutting down, and no more comfort eating.

A few months after leaving, I decided to join an online dating site, just to see how it went, and to have a social life again after bringing up a large family,and working from home, my confidence had all been lost, so I took that step, which was really scary!

Fast forward a few months, and having had quite a few dates with some really nice people, and messages from a few 'interesting' ones who i soon said no to! I met a lovely man, we instantly clicked and got on so well right from the start, there was most definitely a spark straight away, in fact he proposed to me after only 9 weeks, and I accepted.
After 7 months of dating, I moved to the Essex coast to live with him on his boat, 2 years on from our first date, our wedding is in 7 months, I have a new job here, and loving my new life, he is all I ever dreamed of in a partner, kind, caring, considerate, loving, fun, adventurous, spontaneous, and he makes me laugh every day. I feel so loved, as does he.

So yes, it really is possible to reinvent yourself and your life, I was very fortunate, but I also know that I made my life what it is today by taking that first scary step.

[Deleted User]

Very inspiring jp and hard as you had been married a long time.


It just shows people don't have to settle for what they have if what they have isn't making them happy and I think we get a sense of urgency with this as we age. Its like ok the first 2/3 of my life have been towing the party line but the last 1/3 has to be about what I want as long as you have the confidence to change.