Real Life MMD: Should we keep paying for son's extras?

I wouldn't cut back on the visits. It may be the one thing he looks forward to in his day. As said theft is rife on a mental health ward. Name everything so that if they do go walkies he has more chance of getting them back. Also report the missing items to the nurses. They are extremely busy so cannot be reasonable responsible for their patient's belongings but maybe able to narrow down the culprit. Giving him a copy of the CD is also a good idea.
Just playing devil's advocate here, but are you really worried about the money or are you slightly miffed about the time and attention your husband is giving his son?

I'd go with the low cost treats, make use of charity shops and car boot sales, and the labelling and CD copying ideas already mentioned

"and I think we should stop, but my husband's adamant we must keep paying up. What should I do?"

If he was your blood what would you do? It's not up to you, it's up to how a father wants to care for his son.

Furthermore, slippers aren't a "treat."

Hi,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I know how stressful it must be and I really hope that your husband's son starts to feel better soon.

I agree with most of the advice so far. I have been in hospital a couple of times, and it is really difficult - my family lived too far away to travel to see me more than once a week, and financially it does put a strain on everyone. From experience, I would definitely say that having visitors was probably the thing that made the biggest difference - being in hospital is horrible at the best of times, let alone when it is due to mental health problems. Your freedom is taken away, you feel vulnerable/fragile/lonely, it's really boring, and mental health wards in particular can be stressful and scary. If possible, I would continue to visit as much as you can, within reason. Although I do think it's reasonable to visit less frequently, maybe 2-3 times during the week, and for longer periods on weekends, and phone on the days that you don't go.

Some of the best things I was bought were things that last a long time or were good distractions - puzzles, sudoku/crossword books, art and craft stuff, dvds etc. It was also nice to have things from home - blanket/dressing gown, photographs, nice toiletries, letters or cards from family/friends. As said above, I would label things as clearly as possible, inform the staff, and try to minimise the cost of buying new things. It's a little cliched, but it is the thought that counts.

Hope that helps, all the best.

jockanese wrote: »

I can't believe i'm reading this. What a selfish, awful thing to ask.
If it bothers you that much don't go to visit your husband's son and let your husband visit alone. The savings are your husband's too, and in life if you have children, no matter what age, they will come first. Especially in a time of need like the one your stepson's in. And no, I don't have children.

It sounds like you're trying to trivialise his condition; have you any idea how fragile his state of mind will be and how he'll be clinging to things like visits and the gifts your husband takes him.
To have a breakdown and be taken into hospital is a serious matter.
This may sound harsh to some but I'm failing to see how anyone can justify such a post.

Jockanese, I don't think there was any intention to trivialise the situation but we don't know how much strain financially this is actually putting on them. The costs are already eating into their savings, which may well be a few thousand or only a few hundred. The problem is there is always one in a marriage who is the sensible one where finances are concerned and the other who likes to spend with no real idea what is available - I say this from experience (my husband likes to spend). You and others seem to have assumed that, because it's the lady's step son she has taken a harder line than she would if he were her own son. She and her husband still have their own bills to pay and travelling that distance every day must be costing a fair bit on top of the gifts. I would go along with others and keep the cost down by buying small gifts from charity shops and taking copy cd's in whilst retaining the originals so if her step son does lose them they can let him have replacements. I would also suggest cutting down the visits (especially if it's going to be long-term) to maybe every other day, but perhaps staying longer.