Real Life MMD: Should we keep paying for son's extras?



  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,544
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    MSE_Lee wrote: »
    My husband's 28-year-old son had a breakdown and is currently in a mental health ward. Daily visits cost £50/week in petrol as the round trip's 40 miles. On request, we get him special treats (eg, CDs, slippers), which he often loses due to his illness, then asks for more. He has some money in the bank but will need that when he gets out, and isn't eligible for benefits until discharged. We're struggling and now using savings to pay for the extras, and I think we should stop, but my husband's adamant we must keep paying up. What should I do?

    Having had a recent experience of a relative in hospital for a long time, I found I just couldn't visit every day. In the short term, it was possible but, as the weeks stretched out, it became too much, physically and emotionally. The hospital was near us so finances weren't an issue.

    Fortunately, we have a good family and were able to share the visits so someone was visiting every day but, if that hadn't been the case, we would have had to do every other day. It doesn't matter how much you feel you "ought" to go, you also have to look after yourselves - emotionally, physically and financially.

    Your step-son will need your support even more when he comes out of hospital. If you are worn out and broke, you won't be much use to him.
  • This sad dilemma goes beyond the matter of saving money, but what happens when your savings run out ? You do need to budget on this one by reducing the frequency of your visits and/or limiting the cost and amount of the extras you take.
  • I spent over 3 months in hospital with weekly visits from family where they complained about fuel and parking costs, very despiriting. I was heavily medicated due to pain and they grumbled that I was "hard work" to visit.

    My son was then 16, doing exams, working part time, running our home and managing to visit twice weekly as well as daily text chats. he never complained.

    Friends visited occaisionally and wrote regularly.

    I have wonderful relationships with son and friends and haven't spoken to parents or siblings since 2 months after I got home.

    Think about the long term damage done by begrudging support.......
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755
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    If it was my son, I would pay and carry on paying, if it was helping him. No dilemma here!

    However, I do think the CD burning and labelling things are good ideas.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
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