2019 Frugal Living Challenge

tighteningthebelt · 18 March 2019 at 9:10PM

Dave_Saver wrote: »

After some advice, I have a new girlfriend (4 months) , she has 2 kids and rents a home. When I stay with her we often do little shopping trips, she works 24 hours a week but is struggling with bills. Before my push to reduce debt I would of been offering to pay the full bill for shopping , family days out etc.probably why I got in debt in previous relationships. In this relationship I feel guilty as I'm only paying my share, gf often refuses to let me even give her petrol money when she picks me up. Should I be insisting she lets me pay more as she has even less money than I do?

From my point of view paying your share is absolutely fine, and if you want to splash it about when you've sorted your debts then that's all good.

A thousand years ago I married a man who was very generous when we were going out. Turned out he owed £11000 which we both worked to pay off. I was really mad about that, and it was all quite damaging for the relationship, as an undertone of feeling deceived / mistrustful, though that was more about dishonesty / nondisclosure.

I expect, if you've been honest and she knows your situation, she'll be very glad to share her time with someone who is being sensible with money. My boy's 'grown and flown' now, but I was on my own with him for most of his childhood. Single mums are generally very 'no-nonsense' about these things, and have their head screwed on. Sounds like you're giving good quality time to her and the kids. That will probably be worth more than anything else at this stage.

I'll be interested to see what others say though...

cw18 · 18 March 2019 at 9:25PM

Do the family days out all involve spending more than travel? If so, then perhaps you could do some homework (Google etc.) to find free/cheaper ideas and count that as part of your contribution? And/or suggest taking picnics (that you could buy some small treats to add to).

Frugaldom · 19 March 2019 at 9:51PM

Davesaver, I kind of agree with most of what has been said, especially regarding days out for the family. There are plenty of things you can do that cost absolutely nothing and kids always love a picnic, so a few sandwiches and a flask of juice (saves on plastic waste) would suffice. Not sure of their ages but getting them doing home-based things is just as much fun for them if it involves stuff like baking simple cookies or going a beastie hunt in a garden or nearby park We do 'muddy wellies' weekends.. Kite making, papier mache (we have a link for this in post 1) games, arty stuff, making stuff... etc.
As for how to sort out splitting costs, this is a very delicate situation and one that many of us on here can probably relate to - nobody likes to ask for, or even accept, cash, so how about just putting together date-night packs of dinner ingredients, a fleecy blanket and a film to watch. The occasional liquid refreshment and/or snacks hopefully won't break the bank but if the cashflow is really dire, it's back to homemade cookies and instant hot chocolate.

Us frugalers know how to live it up of an evening.

sinkorswim2018 · 20 March 2019 at 8:12AM

Frugaldom - some lovely ideas there that I'm sure Davesaver's girlfriend will appreciate. My boyfriend and I tend to pay depending on whose house we are at. Whenever it's my turn to pay he tends to suggests a meal at home, I know what he's up too saving me money, but it's appreciated.

Check8ng my account again last night and was shocked at my Tesco cc balance (paid off every month in full). I got a 'renewal offer' for my cat insurance weeks ago. Obviously I did comparisons and went elsewhere saving around £50. However they have decided I'm having their insurance anyway (also Tesco) and have taken £344 out of my account. Not open until, 8am. I am hoping a refund should not be a problem, the money was taken 14/3/19. I have to wonder how many people with poor money management would have just thought they'd overspent! Not us though, wish me luck getting it back. I am annoyed that yet again I am spending my time retrieving my money from companies that have just taken it.

sinkorswim2018 · 20 March 2019 at 8:13AM

:rotfl:That would be car insurance, I don't have a cat!!!

cw18 · 20 March 2019 at 11:23AM

sinkorswim2018 wrote: »

I got a 'renewal offer' for my caR insurance weeks ago. Obviously I did comparisons and went elsewhere saving around £50. However they have decided I'm having their insurance anyway (also Tesco) and have taken £344 out of my account.

Most insurances get set to auto renew, so they WILL take the money unless you tell them you don't want to renew before renewal date.

I always make it clear when taking out a policy that it's NOT to go on auto renew. This means I have to do SOMETHING to get insurance for the next year, even if it's only contact the company to tell them to take the money (which hasn't happened in years).

Crafty_Lisa_Hampshire · 20 March 2019 at 3:03PM

My thoughts are pretty much the same as everyone else. If you offer and she refuses don't force it as she obviously prefers to do it this way. As long as you are paying your share then I would say that is perfectly acceptable. Like others have said you could also offer to buy a little treat for them all once in a while if it makes you feel better.

earthgirl · 20 March 2019 at 5:33PM

I agree she sounds like she is valuing your time - and you - and isn't just wanting you to pay for everything/ more than your share. There are loads of free things to do as well so you could try to suggest these things. Love a free day out!

Shopaholic_no_more · 20 March 2019 at 7:03PM

SINKORSWIM Very frustrating isn't it when these companies do that?? I had the same trouble with the RAC as I mentioned in a previous post I think. Good luck getting your money back. They really shouldn't be allowed to do it that way should they?

DAVESAVER Yes it is really good advice from the others and I don't think I could add any more to that. Going from past experience when I was first 'out there' dating again about 7 years ago I had got used to being independent and paying my own way for things as a single person (and changing from being a team to a single took a while to adjust to as well) and I can only think that your new partner is coming from the same angle. Hope that helps a bit. I was two years as a single person so for me, it was all about the independence and not having to rely on someone else. I kind of found it a bit difficult readjusting in the early days of my new relationship so maybe she is a little bit the same. But like I say, I am just speaking for myself. From a different perspective so to speak

Dave_Saver · 21 March 2019 at 5:24AM

I've not slept well tonight, maybe it's because of money worries. I opened a savings account just for Christmas and renamed all my bank & savings accounts to identify there use right before bed. Lesson learned don't deal with finance before bed

2019 Frugal Living Challenge

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