Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my younger sister a smaller wedding gift?

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  • Tammykitty
    Tammykitty Posts: 1,005 Forumite
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    I think this one depends on your circumstances - if things are really financially tight, then give what you can afford (but have a discussion with your sister and offer your time instead so she knows it isn't personal)


    If however, you are just not quite as flush as you were, but the £500 will just mean a few less luxuries, (ie: you will still spend £200 + on a dress for the wedding, or £1000's on holidays, or eat out once a week etc) then I think you should give the sister the same as your other sister.


    Also, you should bear in mind, that when the older sister got married, you had no children, so it was just you and husband (or other guest) at the wedding, the younger sister will presumably be inviting your children to the wedding - so will actually have additional costs too.


    It's not actually about the money, its that the sister could feel you favour the older sister and therefore gave her more etc.
  • pollym57
    pollym57 Posts: 5 Forumite
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    If you can't afford it then do what you can. It should be "the thought that counts".
    My Son is getting married this week in Cyprus and we couldn't afford a big gift as well as Cyprus. (We're pensioners). He said he's just happy we're going and not to worry about a gift.
    Talk to your Sister, she should understand that circumstances change and be grateful for anything.
  • tillylil
    tillylil Posts: 5 Forumite
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    I would treat them the same to avoid any future ill feeling. These things always return to bite you on the bum.
    Obviously if you are skint then you can only give what you can afford.
    I wouldn't get into debt over it either but be prepared to explain your reduced circumstances if your younger sister is aware of previous gift to older sibling.
  • hippygran
    hippygran Posts: 209 Forumite
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    If you really can't afford to give the same to both sisters (in our family, we really to try to give things of equal value to equal relations - i.e. Siblings, nephews & nieces, children of nephews and nieces, and also grandchildren).
    That is just the way it has always been, from when we were little. Mom and dad treated us all exactly the same), then I think it is imperative that you talk to little sister about it.
    Recently my one sister gave another sister a lot more than she has given me. But there were good reasons for this, and because we are all so close there were no problems.
    I knew what was happening beforehand, and I knew and accepted the reasons.
    To be honest it wouldn't have upset me anyway, but we are not all alike, and little sister may think that it's because you think less of her.
    So to save upset communicate with her.
  • tgroom57
    tgroom57 Posts: 1,431 Forumite
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    Give what you can comfortably afford, and first dibs on your baby equipment. That should comfortably equate to £500 - and your sis needs to know that raising children can be expensive.
  • Sammy_Dexter
    Sammy_Dexter Posts: 5 Forumite
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    I had a similar experience over a baby's birth Gift. I gave my first great nephew £100, but only £50 to the second born as our financial circumstances had changed. I explained to my nephew and his wife who sincerely assured me that they hadn't expected another £100 and were delighted with the £50. This was the expected response from two very nice young people.
  • mark5
    mark5 Posts: 1,363 Forumite
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    Give what you can afford, unless your a high earner I would have thought £100 is enough.
  • DBX
    DBX Posts: 4 Newbie
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    Times and circumstances change, everyone concerned should remember this and accept it. There is no need to give £500 or a gift worth that amount. Consider what do the young couple need, or what do you think they would like to have as a wedding present. Then give it to them without feeling guilty.
  • hyacynth_2
    hyacynth_2 Posts: 18 Forumite
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    Just explain your circumstances to your sister and give what you can afford
  • lulu69
    lulu69 Posts: 2 Newbie
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    quite! when my sister got married she hired a big cottage with a garden and we self catered. i bought a bottle of bubbly for the family meal the day of the very low key civil ceremony. for the celebration bit made a couple of cakes and and helped with the mega shop (6 trollies, 3 of booze!) and preparation and decorating. I did buy some a cheap set of towels as a joke though. £500 is probably the sum I've spent on every wedding present ever. If the family is so concerned about the financial aspect of a present then she has to go with the full £500 - she doesn't say it's completely unaffordable, just hope she hasn't got more sisters...
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