It's not a lot, but it's enough

crazy_cat_lady · 10 July 2018 at 3:17PM

If she wants to take you out and you want to go, then do it. It's not the man's job - everyone equal and all that.

However, if you're not sure then I also think there's a lot to be said for trusting your gut instinct...
Hope you're feeling better soon

efes_shareholder · 10 July 2018 at 3:36PM

Is showing that you enjoyed spending time with someone and would like the oppurtunity to do it again considered needy ? Or is it just assertive ?

Having said that , if you arent "feeling" it then it may be safer not to encourage a second date if you could make working together tricky

SpekySquarehead · 10 July 2018 at 3:59PM

efes_shareholder wrote: »

Is showing that you enjoyed spending time with someone and would like the oppurtunity to do it again considered needy ? Or is it just assertive ?

Having said that , if you arent "feeling" it then it may be safer not to encourage a second date if you could make working together tricky

A good point. I am low maintenance, which I know isn't to some peoples taste. The constant texting/calling makes me feel like I'm being controlled or not trusted. I enjoy me time, alone time, wither that's to do absolutely nothing or not, I value that time and I fear that this could soon disappear.

I said I was looking to take things slowly, to which she said she understood. Next thing I know she's not happy that I couldn't commit to another date in a couple of days.

That being said, I think that I'm perhaps overthinking and being hesitant due to being single for 2 years. I can't have my cake and eat it, something has to give. My heads all over the place and I genuinely don't know if I'm 'feeling' it or not.

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

If she wants to take you out and you want to go, then do it. It's not the man's job - everyone equal and all that. However, if you're not sure then I also think there's a lot to be said for trusting your gut instinct...
Hope you're feeling better soon

I know, I know, but there's something about it which doesn't sit right with me. As I said CCL, my gut is really unsure.

Toni'sfriend · 10 July 2018 at 4:21PM

She's keen (we already know this). Perhaps too keen.
Isn't it the man's job to take the other person out?

I'm a lot older than you and from a generation where it was considered the man should pay for nights out. (My partner does still pay when we go out but basically it's all coming form "our" money so that's OK). Basically though, I don't think that's the case now - equal jobs, equal money and all that!
What worries me more is that you think she's a bit too keen and you're not really ready for the phone me/text me/tell me everything you're doing/where are you kind of relationship. I wouldn't be either. If you like her enough to go out with her again then I think that you have to make that clear from the outset and suggest that you split the bill (or something like that). However, I would trust your instincts. If you're really unsure then just say "no thank you". You might be surprised, though. She might think a friendly kind of relationship is what she wants. Who knows?

crazy_cat_lady · 10 July 2018 at 9:38PM

SpekySquarehead wrote: »

I know, I know, but there's something about it which doesn't sit right with me. As I said CCL, my gut is really unsure.

I hate to sound like the voice of doom, but go with your gut. You're a nice guy and if you're not sure I would stop it now before she gets very involved.

SpekySquarehead · 11 July 2018 at 8:35AM

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

I'm a lot older than you and from a generation where it was considered the man should pay for nights out. (My partner does still pay when we go out but basically it's all coming form "our" money so that's OK). Basically though, I don't think that's the case now - equal jobs, equal money and all that!
What worries me more is that you think she's a bit too keen and you're not really ready for the phone me/text me/tell me everything you're doing/where are you kind of relationship. I wouldn't be either. If you like her enough to go out with her again then I think that you have to make that clear from the outset and suggest that you split the bill (or something like that). However, I would trust your instincts. If you're really unsure then just say "no thank you". You might be surprised, though. She might think a friendly kind of relationship is what she wants. Who knows?

Perhaps it's not the norm anymore but I do like being the traditional gentlemen which I think a lot of guys my age don't. The simple things.

I think you're right in making it clear from the off. This situation has consumed a lot of my thinking of late and I've come a similair conclusion.

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

I hate to sound like the voice of doom, but go with your gut. You're a nice guy and if you're not sure I would stop it now before she gets very involved.

The voice of doom :rotfl: :rotfl:

I'm naturally a pessimist, so I know that voice very well. I've got some time to come to a concrete decision so I'll continue to chew it over.

Thank you both for your advice. I really appreciate it.

SpekySquarehead · 16 July 2018 at 8:33AM

The weekend was a busy one, which included another stag do. Well it was actually the home leg of the Ibiza one, so all the elders were in attendance and they were really good fun. I probably spent more than I should have. I've not counted yet but I recon I spent circa £80 all in. I'll check my bank tomorrow once it catches up with all transactions.

The wedding is next week and I've still to buy a gift. So I'll need to have a look over my budget again and see what I can afford.

So, I was speaking to the girl who asked me out for pizza last night and we've agreed to go out on Thursday night, after work. We'll both stay late until most people have left then I'll drive us both over. She explained that she has vouchers to use so if all goes well, I'll tell her the next one is on me. Whilst I'm still unsure about the whole thing, I'm leaning towards giving it a shot.

SpekySquarehead · 19 July 2018 at 8:56AM

So its going to be date night on Friday after we finish work, which I must admit, Im looking forward to.

Im a thinker. I do a lot of it. I cant help but playing the what if scenarios out in my head and theres one which keeps cropping up - rightly or wrongly.

What if things go swimmingly well and we start to see each other and then she moves in with me (she currently lives with her parents). Once shes officially in and we start to split costs, all of a sudden Ill have a bit more disposable income. Not to fritter away on needless things, but to get back to saving for emergencies and get my car serviced etc.

Im beating myself up a bit because this is a recurring though. This, amongst others of course, is a huge benefit of finding a partner and Im scared in the chance that its clouding my judgement.

Am I being hugely selfish here?

efes_shareholder · 19 July 2018 at 9:42AM

No - I often have these thoughts

You seem switched on enough however to know that you have to get on and not just see the benefit to your finances of cohabiting

SpekySquarehead · 23 July 2018 at 8:35AM

A very nice weekend was had.

Friday was date night. We both stayed late in the office until most people left then I drove us both over to the restaurant which she picked. It turned out that the vouchers she had didn't cover the full meal, so I paid the rest which made me feel a bit better about it all. After that we went to the pictures and I dropper home afterwards. It was a good night and I'll see her outside of the office again, potentially this week at some point.

The wedding on Saturday was brilliant, a really good night at a lovely venue. Knackered from it all mind you.

Really busy day today, so I have to dash.

It's not a lot, but it's enough

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