Secondary School and Boys....oh god.

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  • meer53
    meer53 Posts: 10,217 Forumite
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    And with the unplanned pregnancy she will be in a home for unwed mothers and bear the consequences of her actions.
    I am not going out to work every day to support a 15 year old CHILD, who seems to think that she is old enough to have sex and is a woman - it will not happen in my household.
    If she thinks that she is old enough to have a boyfriend, have sex and all that comes with it after my sitting her down and explaining the consequences, then she is welcome, but find somewhere else to live.
    This talk will also include my expectations of her and what she should expect of herself because at the end of the day this "poppy love" and the unwanted pregnancy always leave the woman with the child and this mother will not be part of any support system.

    I feel for your children, that's quite an extreme reaction !
  • Jox
    Jox Posts: 1,651 Forumite
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    I remember being a teen myself and my dad was very strict and I couldn't mention boys at all, plus my mum would make threats to me if I got pregnant there would be serious consequences, I was terrified and would sneak around at 15 to meet boys for dates but didn't end up sleeping with anyone til I was 19!



    I would invite the boy to your house, they can watch a film together for example and if you do talk to her about s3x mention that the age of consent is 16 and if she feels pressured by anyone to do something she doesn't want to do to talk to you about it.
  • Pollyflinders
    Pollyflinders Posts: 235 Forumite
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    As a teacher, I noticed that while some Y7 girls were interested in boys, most weren't. However, few Y7 boys had even noticed girls, other than to treat them as nuisances.
  • ThumbRemote
    ThumbRemote Posts: 4,626 Forumite
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    Socajam wrote: »
    And with the unplanned pregnancy she will be in a home for unwed mothers and bear the consequences of her actions.
    I am not going out to work every day to support a 15 year old CHILD, who seems to think that she is old enough to have sex and is a woman - it will not happen in my household.
    If she thinks that she is old enough to have a boyfriend, have sex and all that comes with it after my sitting her down and explaining the consequences, then she is welcome, but find somewhere else to live.
    This talk will also include my expectations of her and what she should expect of herself because at the end of the day this "poppy love" and the unwanted pregnancy always leave the woman with the child and this mother will not be part of any support system.

    I assume you don't actually have a 15 year old child? Since (a) your post suddenly goes on about some hypothetical talk, and (b) no-one with any grounding in the reality of parenting a teenager would have such an attitude.
  • onwards&upwards
    onwards&upwards Posts: 3,423 Forumite
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    ThumbRemote wrote: »
    I assume you don't actually have a 15 year old child? Since (a) your post suddenly goes on about some hypothetical talk, and (b) no-one with any grounding in the reality of parenting a teenager would have such an attitude.

    I wish that were true. They’re a minority but they do exist.
  • Savvy_Sue
    Savvy_Sue Posts: 46,089 Forumite
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    At this point I'm going to put out a plea for those of us bringing up boys to teach them that no means No means NO! AND life lessons from the Archers: Never Sleep With Your Brother's Girlfriend, It Will End In Tears.

    There were times when I felt relieved not to have to worry about mine getting pregnant, but I did my best to communicate that I really didn't want them to get anyone else pregnant either, and if they managed it, they WOULD be accountable - facing up to maintenance reponsibilities if nothing else!

    And I really HATED the attitude I was brought up with: that 'nice' girls say no, and felt compelled to say once or twice that if that was the case, 'nice' boys shouldn't ask!

    Mine (boys, as you'll have gathered) seemed to be late developers, or didn't advertise their relationships, but I think /hope the basic respect for relationships was drilled into them.
    Signature removed for peace of mind
  • Socajam
    Socajam Posts: 1,238 Forumite
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    onwards&upwards wrote: »
    The fifties called, they want their attitudes back. ;)

    I think you’re getting a bit carried away, this is a 12 year old who wants to go to a boy’s house for tea.

    She is a child and neither one of us knows that will happen or what his intentions are.
    Children that age are far more advance than we give them credit for and when things happen, we ask why.
    Why risk it.
    Say, what you want about the 50s, but my house my rules.
  • Socajam
    Socajam Posts: 1,238 Forumite
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    ThumbRemote wrote: »
    I assume you don't actually have a 15 year old child? Since (a) your post suddenly goes on about some hypothetical talk, and (b) no-one with any grounding in the reality of parenting a teenager would have such an attitude.

    Your assumption is way off, so keep on assuming
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,168 Forumite
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    neneromanova wrote: »
    Yes. This is exactly my thoughts. One of the other mums going through the same thing has a daughter who hangs around a group where 1 14 year old is pregnant! And that 14 year old is happy about it! We can't stop who they hang out with or sext or fumble with, but we can teach them the right and wrong way to do it. I've already told them not to text naked photos to each anyone as it won't just be the boy who sees it but all his mates too.

    I think I'll work on 1 on 1 time with her and see if we can come to an agreement where we're both happy.
    I very much doubt that said 14yo is pregnant because she's madly in love and wants a baby due to that union.

    Other things are likely to be at play including ignorance about contraception either using it or using it correctly.

    Wanting something 'of hers' in her life. Usually due to lack of direction or ambition. And that doesn't have to mean if you haven't got the capabilities of aiming for Oxbridge/Russell Group unis then there's nothing else.


    Needing attention in her life, due to it being laking in other ways.

    and so on.

    My daughter, 16 and in FE attended 3 Secondary schools in the latter years of school, at each a girl became pregnant. The youngest pregnant and had baby at 15. The other two 16 but not finished GCSEs. Each had the issues I've described above.

    BTW- Not quoting, since several others already have but do mother and baby homes even exist in this country anymore?
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    edited 20 January 2020 at 12:21PM
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    Socajam wrote: »
    And with the unplanned pregnancy she will be in a home for unwed mothers and bear the consequences of her actions.
    I am not going out to work every day to support a 15 year old CHILD, who seems to think that she is old enough to have sex and is a woman - it will not happen in my household.
    If she thinks that she is old enough to have a boyfriend, have sex and all that comes with it after my sitting her down and explaining the consequences, then she is welcome, but find somewhere else to live.
    This talk will also include my expectations of her and what she should expect of herself because at the end of the day this "poppy love" and the unwanted pregnancy always leave the woman with the child and this mother will not be part of any support system.
    onwards&upwards wrote: »
    The fifties called, they want their attitudes back. ;)

    Hahahahaha. Spot on response onwards&upwards

    Socajam - You are on a great path to creating a teenage rebellion with that attitude. You tell a teenager so much to not do something, some of them are gonna do quite the opposite of your demands.

    What you are describing is not 'unconditional' love - it is based on conditions. You would throw your teenager out & refuse any support at all - suddenly, after all the years of love you have shared, she means nothing - because she broke a golden rule.

    I really wish you learn some insight - as you could well be creating a monster with threats of removing your love.
    With love, POSR <3
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