Old style dream life vs real life

Angel_Jenny · 13 April 2019 at 7:54AM

Been a bit introspective lately and realising that I drift along. So I decided to figure out what my ideal life was (aiming to be practical not requiring a lottery win!) and my ideal is so far from my reality.

Currently I :
live in a city
have limited craft skills
very limited funds
violent job
tiny garden
clutter

The dream would be:
growing fruit and vegetables
being able to bake well
nicely decorated & organised home
a calmer & simpler life
more vintage style

The lottery win ideal involves a cottage in the countryside, chickens, a library, and hiring people to teach me craft skills! Have you ever seen rememberingtheoldways on Instagram? That is the dream - homemade cakes, vintage knick knacks, and Saturday tea time.

How do you deal with such a disparity between your actual life and what you want?

I am working on a list of things that I actually can change x

pattypan4 · 13 April 2019 at 8:40AM

it won`t happen unless you make it happen. Youtube for learning crafts and baking. Where there is a will, there is a way. It won`t drop into your lap while you sit and dream

-taff · 13 April 2019 at 9:09AM

Well, the dream sounds nice, but it doesn't get achieved by doing nothing, you've heard the saying 'If you do what you always done, you get what you always got' havent you?
I'm not sure too whether the longing for these kind of things comes from a disaprity between your life at the moment. Have you always longed for these things or did you start longing for them when you started your job, or moved to the city etc. Trace it back to see if you can work out why you want them.
If you decide that yes, these things are concrete things you want, then you alone can steps to achieve them, take an evening class, watch some Youtube, see f there are any classes near you in community centers, check online for MeetUps [look at the website] etc. Things can be grown in the tiniest of gardens, think up rather than in the ground, put up trellis, bamboo canes, wath a few gardening programmes, again, there's Youtube, have a look on allotments, see if you can have one.
Good luck.

Prinzessilein · 13 April 2019 at 9:21AM

You say you want to make a list of things YOU can change....

YOU can get rid of some of your clutter!...do a little at a time...and when you decide something goes out then it GOES OUT!!!

YOU can start to learn crafts...if possible then ask at wool/craft shops for details of workshops...many of them will actually hold classes in the shop...or have coffee morning s with people only too eager to share skills...if this isn't convenient then teach yourself!...there are books and YouTube tutorials to help you.

YOU can learn to bake well...it takes practice..and even the 'flops' are more-often-than-not edible!

YOU can start growing things in a small garden....even with NO garden!...herb pots on the kitchen windowsill might be a good start...and you can use the herbs whilst building up your 'old-style' cooking skills!

YOU can look at changing your job! Yes, it is a big step, but if you have a job it means you have job-skills! Look at what job you would like...how do your current skills match those needed in a job you want to do?..

PasturesNew · 13 April 2019 at 9:43AM

You can do that by putting your efforts into "marrying well"

Just marry some money....

monnagran · 13 April 2019 at 9:44AM

You are right Angel_Jenny, it is a dream.

What you are describing is exactly the way we lived during the war and after it. I was a child then so you could say I was living the dream, but unfortunately, along with the dream came uncomfortable reality. The dream was lived without washing machines, central heating (and inadequate rations of coal), phones, cars, driers, steam irons, duvets and warm blankets, hot wzter bottles, (except old stone ones) fridges, freezers............

What you are looking for is Old World style living with New World style conveniences.
It is perfectly possible to get this if you are determined enough, but it is not going to drop into your lap. You will have to MAKE it happen.

And be careful what you wish for. You may just get it. Good luck.

[Deleted User] · 13 April 2019 at 9:50AM

You can grow some fruit and vegetables in Large pots, even if you only have a yard, put a couple of tomato plants in pots on a sunny window cill, HG tomato's. We grow climbing beans in a very large pot with support canes in, once the beans have reach the top, nip off the growing tip on each plant. 4 plants will be enough if you are on your own. You can get bags to grow spuds in and salad stuff does not take up much room. If you have any garden at all mark out a bed 4' wide and as long as you can get it, Dig the soil and add a layer of compost on the top. This is your no dig bed. There is plenty of info on the net and you tube about no dig gardening. Start off small and simple. The idea is that you can reach in from either side to tend the crops, so you do not walk on the soil, as a crop matures plant up the space with a quick growing crop like lettuce. Only plant what you can eat. French beans grow low to the ground, a couple of plants will give you plenty over the season, at 85p a throw in the supermarket you are on the winning side, plus you only pick what you need to eat.

Practice baking, its not difficult to make a cake, if you are duff at pastry you can buy it on a roll, although to be honest its easy to make. follow a good recipe book (Mary Berry Fast cakes) you will soon turn out a decent cake or tray bake.

As far as crafts are concerned, lots of ideas on the net. Look and see if there are night school classes in your area.

Clutter......be ruthless get rid of all but a few things and resolve not to buy anything else. I love crystal which I used to buy from charity shops......I have made myself stop, ' do I need it; no so do not buy it. With clothes, if I have not worn something in the last 12 months out it goes, I recycle a lot to Emmaus who have a shop in our local town. They take excess furniture as well.

I could keep going for ages, but OH is anxious to get out, you can PM me if you need more info

pumpkinlife · 13 April 2019 at 10:11AM

You deal by making small changes every day. I'm guessing even Remembering The Old Ways started somewhere!

Do you read Gdonnas blog, Generations Before Us? It's US based but the lady experiments with living old fashioned, and if you read her archives you can see the changes she has made over the years.

First up, though, start decluttering - you will then have more time and space for your other dreams. Konmari is really good for this, because you start with the vision of what you want to be - and only keep the stuff that supports that. You need a haven from your job!

Use the garden space you have, even if it's just a few pots. Get your name down for an allotment, there may or may not be a waiting list. Allotments are great for that community feel that is missing from modern life.

Pick up one craft at a time and make sure you are doing it because you enjoy it, not because it's a skill you think you should have! I'm currently learning to hand sew from a 1940s needlework book.

I don't want to live vintage 'style', but I do appreciate old skills and rhythms of living. You can choose both, or just the aethtic, or just the old fashioned skills and lifestyle.

I find Instagram a double edged sword - inspiring and overwhelming at the same time. Use it for a little inspiration and connection, but make sure you do stuff in the real world - and then post it! You then have a record of all the things you've done to look back on.

What one thing could you do right now that supports the life you want to live? Sew on that button? Empty that drawer of old cables? Organise your sewing kit? Watch a youtube video on breadmaking? Write a list of all you want to do, ready to break into smaller steps? Or just sit in the sun for a bit with a cup of tea.

And remember to check in with yourself as you go along - don't add stress and expectation to an already busy existence!

happydays89 · 13 April 2019 at 10:15AM

Try and eBay your clutter or unwanted clothes.......I have been listing 3 items a night for the last 2 weeks and so far have made £268,it could go into your dream fund.

[Deleted User] · 13 April 2019 at 10:22AM

Dreams are seductive Jenny and can derail life by making people very unhappy BUT dreams are only ideas, all mist and mystery, better far to look at what you DO have and see how you can make it a better fit for how you'd like life to be, that's more achievable than sitting and dreaming wistfully of what is only an insubstantial non reality. You might HATE life in the country with it's mud, lack of pavements, no fast broadband, sometimes no gas available, the smell of muck spreading that pervades the area for weeks at a time, living downwind of a pig farm or a chicken farm, no village shop, no bus service and a village community of people who have known each other all their lives can be a lonely place. There will be crowing cockerels in the early hours, church bells ringing late into the evenings on training days, and many country properties these days only have tiny gardens and as has happened here what were beautiful houses on quiet roads have now become the edge of massive new build estates and instead of looking over quiet fields of grazing sheep you now have a row of 4+bed executive homes 10 meters from your back boundary fence. Then there are the insects to cope with many spiders, woodlice in the bathrooms (and occasionally plummeting from an upstairs ceiling in the study, still haven't worked out how they do it) ants in the kitchen etc. and always mosquitos in the evening so sitting out for your G&T in the sunset can be a very costly and itchy act! Having said that if your dream ever comes true I wish you the best of lives and total contentment and until it does I wish you the finding of a way to be happy by finding small changes where you live now that can make you feel the dream is achieved in a small way xxx.

lessonlearned · 13 April 2019 at 10:39AM

So much good advice here Jenny.

Dreams are fine but they are just pie in the sky without an action plan. And putting together an action plan without taking any action is just a complete waste of time and effort.

You have it within your own power to make your dreams come, you just have to knuckle down and get cracking.

The big dreams of Moving house and changing jobs will take time but you can make a start on making some of those smaller dreams come true right now. You can acquire the skills you lack, you can transform your living space.

Don't let the lack of money stop you. You don't need money to learn to cook, sew, bake and grow a small garden, even if it's just a few pots. You don't need a fortune to buy a few tins of paint. And decluttering your excess needn't cost a penny. As others have pointed out, you might even be able to sell some of it. You might make enough to help get you started on your home make over.

Living in the country is not always all it's cracked up to be but even if it is your ultimate goal you can still bring that country feel into even the most densely populated city.

You dont have to wait to enjoy greenery. Green your house with plants and flowers and there must be some parks or open spaces nearby. On a nice day, make up a picnic, take a book and your headphones and head off to the park. And if you really crave rolling hills, then buy a bus ticket and head off on coach trip to somewhere nice and enjoy the ride.

Dreams can come true but only if we help them along otherwise they just wither and die.

As I used to tell my kids....."good things dont just drop out of the sky and land in your lap."

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Old style dream life vs real life

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