Work's Xmas Party Exclusion

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MLA73
MLA73 Posts: 19 Forumite
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in Marriage, relationships & families
I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

Thanks.
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  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515 Forumite
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    MLA73 wrote: »
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.

    Are you for real? :eek:

    You are her boss not her friend. It's not a night out that is being organised on behalf of the company or paid for by the company so she can invite whom she likes. As for trying to play with their minds that would be truly pathetic behaviour from a manager. It also assumes that she gives two figs about what you think of an invite list she has created for a non-work event.
  • Marvel1
    Marvel1 Posts: 7,172 Forumite
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    Pixie5740 wrote: »
    Are you for real? :eek:

    You are her boss not her friend. It's not a night out that is being organised on behalf of the company or paid for by the company so she can invite whom she likes. As for trying to play with their minds that would be truly pathetic behaviour from a manager. It also assumes that she gives two figs about what you think of an invite list she has created for a non-work event.

    Adding to this, some people prefer no managers as feel they will be judged on whatever happens at the party.
  • pmlindyloo
    pmlindyloo Posts: 13,049 Forumite
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    MLA73 wrote: »
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.

    If you had made comments about who should be invited to my wedding I too would have crossed you off my list of people I want to spend time with!
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,688 Forumite
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    MLA73 wrote: »
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.

    I think the bit in bold may hold the answer.

    Very rude of you (imho) to tell the groom they should have invited someone else.

    Also you mention
    as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately
    which sounds to me that that wasn't always the case.

    I guess you could ask the organiser straight out why you haven't been invited.
    'Confront' is a bad idea.
    Personally, I'd carry on as though I know nothing about the party.
  • motorguy
    motorguy Posts: 22,477 Forumite
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    MLA73 wrote: »
    I just found out earlier in the week that one of my colleagues has organised an unofficial Xmas Party for work colleagues and invited all 25 or so office staff, with the exception of myself and 2 others.

    I'm this person's boss and work alongside her husband who hasn't said anything to me either. I'm a little confused and a little hurt as I've felt that I've been getting on well lately and been very praiseworthy of this individual. Either I've really upset this person or someone else is pushing the buttons.

    The company I work for is very cliquey as most of the people who work there are either in their 20's and early 30's (I'm in my 40s) and live either in the local commuter town or near to it and I don't.

    This person has a precedence - she got married last year and similarly everyone from work was invited with the exception of 1 or 2 people (I was invited on this occasion and attended), but I told her future husband at that time that it was a bit off to do this.

    I know an unofficial staff party and occasions such as weddings are not work occasions so outside the jurisdiction of work but I feel using these situations to make some people at work social pariahs is a bit off.

    Does anyone have any advice? Should I confront this person and her husband and let them know how uncomfortable they have made me feel, should I make them aware indirectly that I'm aware what has happened and play with their minds (this is the vengeful me talking I know!) or do nothing and be the bigger person?

    Thanks.

    I think its in very poor taste and mean spirited by the person / people organising it, and i can understand why you're a little hurt / offended.

    There could be various reasons - you're older than them and they dont think it would be "your sort of thing", you're their manager OR you're not as popular as you think....

    I personally probably wouldnt mention it or "pass any remarks". I think if it is deliberate and someone is trying to make a point, then you'd be playing in to that by letting them see it gets to you.

    The last paragraph worries me slightly - is it a tiny insight in to what sort of a manager you are?
  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515 Forumite
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    cjdavies wrote: »
    Adding to this, some people prefer no managers as feel they will be judged on whatever happens at the party.

    A good piece of advice I received for managers and work nights out is to buy the first round and be gone by the second.
  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,090 Forumite
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    It's a fun night out and they don't want the boss there.

    Given your previous comment to her husband regarding the wedding, then they probably don't want you there so you weren't invited.

    Have you, as the boss, organised them a Christmas social?
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
  • meer53
    meer53 Posts: 10,217 Forumite
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    Maybe the person simply doesn't like you OP ? It's not unheard of. It's not compulsory to be friends with everyone you work with. There are people in my team at work that i wouldn't invite on a night out. If you're that bothered, why not ask them ? Personally, i would just move on.
  • MLA73
    MLA73 Posts: 19 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    I think the bit in bold may hold the answer.

    Very rude of you (imho) to tell the groom they should have invited someone else.

    Also you mention
    which sounds to me that that wasn't always the case.

    I guess you could ask the organiser straight out why you haven't been invited.
    'Confront' is a bad idea.
    Personally, I'd carry on as though I know nothing about the party.

    Oops I dont think Ive explained myself very well. The groom told me who wasnt being invited to his wedding and I said to him ok it might be a bit awkward but its your wedding. His future to be wife was regularly talking about her wedding in front of someone who wasnt invited and that person was very upset about it.

    On the Xmas party thing you're right I should let it go. Confront wasnt the word I meant to use.
  • Pixie5740
    Pixie5740 Posts: 14,515 Forumite
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    That person should grow a thicker skin or perhaps consider some counselling if not being invited to a colleague's wedding causes them that much upset.
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