Would you say something?

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Blush_Birdie
Blush_Birdie Posts: 6 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
If someone you were once good friends with in the workplace (and are now only civil with) has a boyfriend who you witnessed cheating on her... would you say something to her? Would you leave it and think it’s not your place to say something? Or that it’s not your problem?

Said ex best friend, her boyfriend and I all work in the same building. I may no longer be best friends with her, but we are good friends and still have a laugh together. I feel bad knowing what I know, but I don’t know if I should say something to her?

Please help. I witnessed this on Monday, it’s been on my mind since then... what would you do?
Up on and on to better things - enjoy hiding behind your computer screens!
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  • Sam_Fallow
    Sam_Fallow Posts: 923 Forumite
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    Would you want to know?
    I don't like morning people. Or mornings. Or people.
  • Blush_Birdie
    Blush_Birdie Posts: 6 Forumite
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    Yes, I definitely would.

    This woman is quite impulsive, explosive though...

    She previously only heard rumours about this woman apparently having an affair with her boyfriend, confronted her and slapped her!

    I’m cautious in case she thinks I am stirring the pot... what if she doesn’t believe me? Should I dismiss this fear and tell her the truth so I at least know I’ve done my part in being honest?
    Up on and on to better things - enjoy hiding behind your computer screens!
  • Socajam
    Socajam Posts: 1,238 Forumite
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    Send her an anonymous letter of the time and place and leave it at that.
    I would want to know, but sometimes telling people upfront is not the best thing.
    They may know what is happening in their private lives, but put the blame on the person relaying the message.
  • Sayschezza
    Sayschezza Posts: 744 Forumite
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    Say nothing.
    All that clutter used to be money
  • happyandcontented
    happyandcontented Posts: 2,768 Forumite
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    I wouldn't get involved, your friendship is now not so close that it warrants you doing so in my opinion, your motives could be misconstrued. It will rebound on you and you will lose what friendship you have and make working life difficult too.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 34,688 Forumite
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    Sayschezza wrote: »
    Say nothing.
    +1 to this ^^^^.
    Blush_Birdie wrote: »
    If someone you were once good friends with in the workplace (and are now only civil with) has a boyfriend who you witnessed cheating on her... would you say something to her? Would you leave it and think it’s not your place to say something? Or that it’s not your problem?

    Said ex best friend, her boyfriend and I all work in the same building. I may no longer be best friends with her, but we are good friends and still have a laugh together. I feel bad knowing what I know, but I don’t know if I should say something to her?

    Please help. I witnessed this on Monday, it’s been on my mind since then... what would you do?
    The bits in bold appear contradictory to me.
    Are you now 'only civil with' her or 'good friends'?
    You refer to her as 'ex best friend' and 'were good friends with'.
    What was the relationship between you and what is it now?
  • hazyjo
    hazyjo Posts: 15,470 Forumite
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    Wouldn't say anything.

    You say 'witnessed this' on Monday. Unless you caught them mid-shag, it does sound a bit gossipy to run straight to her or anyone. What actually did you see? Could it have been a kiss goodnight? Or an email? Or holding hands? Might not be an affair. I have been gossiped about for over 10 years as am close to a bloke at work - and we're certainly not having an affair.
    2023 wins: *must start comping again!*
  • Fire_Fox
    Fire_Fox Posts: 26,026 Forumite
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    Unprofessional.

    Then again, if they don't use barrier contraception I would tell him to 'fess up.
    Declutterbug-in-progress.⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️⭐️
  • getmore4less
    getmore4less Posts: 46,882 Forumite
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    Blush_Birdie wrote: »
    If someone you were once good friends with in the workplace (and are now only civil with) has a boyfriend who you witnessed cheating on her... would you say something to her? Would you leave it and think it’s not your place to say something? Or that it’s not your problem?

    Said ex best friend, her boyfriend and I all work in the same building. I may no longer be best friends with her, but we are good friends and still have a laugh together. I feel bad knowing what I know, but I don’t know if I should say something to her?

    Please help. I witnessed this on Monday, it’s been on my mind since then... what would you do?

    you seem confused
    went from good to best
    then from just civil to good.

    How long ago was the previous incident.

    If there was something going on chances are they just carried on even after a good slap.

    But then you don't say what you witnessed.
  • Doodles
    Doodles Posts: 413 Forumite
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    All three of you work in the same building? This is a recipe for disaster if you say anything. Certainly not professional.

    Keep out of it. She'll find out one way or another.
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