Renovations and Repayments II: New Year, New Start, New Diary.

Karmacat wrote: »

Alex, I'm glad I haven't offended you. Turns out Wishing has asked a really important question ... Little K needs to see the two of you together, and if absolutely **all** your energy is going into him and his development, he doesn't get that, and nor does he get the chance to just "be". You're such a loving dad, anyone with half an ear can tell that, but it might be time to dial it back just a tad. I can see how your wife's attitudes are heartbreaking to you, and I'm so sorry its reached this pitch - but honestly, there's some rebalancing needed. Have a think about her underlying agenda in wanting your son away at boarding school - is she really asking for more attention from you, for example? I have no idea if its true, and I'd never "diagnose over the web", but I'm just saying, look underneath whats going on.

HTH. I'll delete this if you want, just let me know.

Bluefire wrote: »

I can only speak for myself, but if my husband spent so much time in an evening talking to his parents, continuing to work and dealing with fish that he couldn't even spare an hour to spend some time with me I wouldn't be happy. Obviously there are perhaps phone calls that need to be made early in the evening outside of working hours, but if Mrs K goes to bed earlier than you do could some of it not be put off until then?

It's important to make time for each other in any relationship outside that spent with a child. I don't think in any way that sending your son away is the solution to how Mrs K is feeling, but it seems something needs to change. Barely seeing each other Mon-Fri is no good for anyone.

wishingthemortgaheaway wrote: »

Hi Alex,
Here are my thoughts on this, please feel free to ignore, I hope you don't feel like I'm criticizing, but trying to offer some potential solutions. I'll try and explain my experience, background & 'qualifications' for each idea:

8pm bedtime plus 30minutes being read to. This is quite late for a 7 year old. I would say 7:30 bed, lights out by 8 is late enough. Obviously every child is different, but shifting bed time (and potentially getting up time) by 30minutes could be win win all round (he may get to see his mum before she goes to work) I taught lower key stage 2 for years, those with an 8pm bedtime or later generally struggled more with energy levels. For those who found learning difficult it affected learning, for those who found social interaction more effort this was affected more.

As he gets older supporting his reading changes. You are no longer needing to listen to the mechanics of reading, but there to support comprehension, especially inference and deduction. School reading schemes can be dull dull dull, so focus on reading and discussing books together. Have a search for 'comprehension keys' (pretty sure that's what it's called) lots of question starters for the different reading skills. This means much more discussion over books at, for example meal times. By 7 I was sat on the kitchen step reading my book to mum while she cooked dinner. If I did this (with dull as ditch water school book) she would have longer to read to me at bedtime, if I didn't half of bedtime reading was taken up with me reading boring school books.

The most effective 'extras' for maths (in my experience as a primary school teacher) is mental agility (easily covered on the school journey), times table recall, mental calculations and other aural maths type questions. Another huge benefit outside of school is application, so using maths in real life contexts with all your driving working our mpg, cost per mile, depreciation (or appreciation) of vehicles etc. as well as journey times, distance over a specified time are all good skills of application and combining mathematical operations.

Finally: violin/piano/music theory practice. By 8, I was 'on my own' for my music practice. I had instrumental lessons once a week and one theory lesson a week. In between times I had to practice on my own as I surpassed the musical skills of both my parents. I don't feel I suffered musically because of this, my instrumental teachers taught me how to practice effectively and independently and gave me notes during my lesson on what to work on. At 7 I played in town wide bands & orchestras, 11 I joined the county ensembles at at 14 national youth ensembles. I successfully auditioned for places at 3 music colleges at 17 (the fact I chose not to take up the places is irrelevant here)


You do so much with your son, it is admirable, would I have liked all of that from my parents? Would I like to give all that to my son? Yes I would, but not at the expense of my other relationships. When my son (hopefully) starts instrumental lessons will I want to guide his practice every time, of course, and when he starts, I will, but I will also (hopefully) teach him how to make progress independently, for I will not always be there to point out his next steps.