The Ultimate Incentive natters on. Part 9

ruby_eskimo · 16 January 2013 at 10:36AM

Hi everyone, not had much chance to catch up or do any de-junking recently. Have listed a couple of books on amazon though and have a pile of stuff to ebay.

Hope those that are sick are feeling better now and glad you're working things out with Mrs P, Poolie.

Things with OH are so up and down so much at the moment I really don't know where I stand. Had to drive to Brighton last night to pick up keys from him because I left mine in the house and he "forgot" to tell me that he was staying at a friends house before a conference over the next 2 days. He's been talking about having to write a presentation for a while and when I ask what it's for he just says "Oh, work". I had no idea he had to go to Brighton for it though. When I eventually got to his friends house he said it was my fault that I'd ended up having to drive all that way. I was so annoyed I just took the keys and drove home. He phoned me later saying that he was sorry that his epilepsy made him forget things. But I pointed out to him that in this instance I had asked him about this presentation and he had made no mention of a conference.

Contemplated not coming into work today but here I am. Sorry to rant, I feel that's all I seem to do on this thread! Have managed to keep up with the weekly savings challenge though!

wendz86 · 16 January 2013 at 10:54AM

Morning,

Well done on ebay Dinah, I made £7 haha!

Ruby - sounds a bit difficult with the OH. Doesn't sound like he's being very nice to you.

Good to hear about mr and mrs p!

Tete - that is exciting about the interveiw!

Shrimpy - lots of exciting things happening with you. Fingers crossed for completion on the house. I am making a start with our invitations this weekend.

Just had OH's oldest sister ring me and say her and his Mum won't make my hen do but are sending a hamper of goodies for the afternoon tea which i thought was sweet. To be honest i needed to cut down a couple of people for the craft thing so has kind of helped.

Birdie85 · 16 January 2013 at 11:36AM

Jeepers Ruby I'd be hopping mad if that had happened to me! Big hugs. You can only chalk up so many things to his condition IMO, and not bothering to tell you he wouldn't be coming home for a couple of days is not acceptable. You deserve more respect than that. Hope he learns his lesson and treats you better than this. I'd be tempted to get my own back and go stay with a friend far away so that he has to come and collect the keys off you and when he goes mad say 'I thought this is how we treated each other now?'

Shame that the in-laws can't come on your Hen Wendz, but it is nice of them to send goodies.

Can't wait to see the photos!

Fingers crossed you get the keys on Friday Shrimpy! Exciting stuff! You'll end up chucking so much stuff in the move you'll hit the de-junk target easily!

Dinah93 · 16 January 2013 at 12:10PM

Ruby, do you think things are going to change? I made a lot of excuses for my ex, that it was his depression, his unstable upbringing that made him act out, but in the end someone told me to stop using it as an excuse, that was his story, but it didn't have to be mine. And while it sounds really harsh to leave someone for a medical condition, you also shouldn't stay with them because of a medical condition if they're not making you happy. I also highly doubt your OH, like my ex, was being entirely honest with blaming their DNA for being inconsiderate or thoughtless.

Tete_en_l'Air · 16 January 2013 at 1:57PM

Oh Ruby you poor soul, it must be so confusing and upsetting. I would not expect to be getting treated like that by someone I was planning to marry

As for 'forgetting' about the conference, I'm sorry but what a massive cop-out. He didn't forget to turn up to it, he didn't forget to arrange to stay with his friend, he didn't forget to pack his stuff to take with him.... didn't doing any of this prompt him to think "Booger, I haven't mentioned this to Ruby!" and give you a call? At the very least I'd arrange to be out of the house somewhere far away when he's due home so he knows how that feels, but you need to get to the bottom of why he's treating you with such flagrant disregard and disrespect.

Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt and harsh but I'm just really angry on your behalf :grouphug:

ruby_eskimo · 16 January 2013 at 2:39PM

Thanks guys. It has got to the point now where he does just blame everything on his epilepsy. I'm totally fed up with it (and told him so) but we'll see if it sinks in. Told the guys at work about it and they're taking me out for dinner and drinks on Friday night (when he's supposed to come back). They even offered to go and beat him up if I wanted them to. I don't condone violence but the fact that they offered has cheered me up a bit. Going to take the opportunity for a pampering evening, watch a film and drink some wine. Might even get a chinese on the way home just because I can!

shrimpy_80 · 16 January 2013 at 3:04PM

Ditto to what the others have said Ruby - what if you hadn't needed to pick the keys up but had gone home as normal and he just hadn't come home? You'd have been going out of your mind with worry! I don't have any experience of epilepsy so don't know if this is common or typical in any way, but at the very least I would have expected some apology from him and empathy as to why you were upset. Did he think you were just mad at having to collect the keys and that he's kind of missed the point? I really feel for you at the moment, its awful not knowing where you are with someone, almost worse than breaking up. You can feel free to rant away on here! x

That is really sweet of your in-laws-to-be Wendz, I feel better that you haven't sent your invites out either! I thought six months was about right but have started to panic about people booking holidays and stuff, need to get a grip before I teeter into Bridezilla territory!

Have been on another dejunk mission in the bathroom and bedroom and now have an exceptionally tidy sock drawer with no odd socks or laddered tights lurking

Also threw away 4 pairs of leggings that were past their best, recycled yet more magazines and threw out assorted other random items that I have no need for!

Birdie85 · 16 January 2013 at 3:27PM

Good de-cluttering Shrimpy! :T Tidy sock drawer = tidy mind!

I keep catching Tipping Point at the moment and it always makes me think of you!

Enjoy your pampering evening and Chinese Ruby. That's really nice of your work folk to take you out on Friday

Only you can know just how good your relationship is and whether or not it is worth holding onto but Dinah's post makes so much sense.

ruby_eskimo · 16 January 2013 at 3:38PM

When we had our massive row in Budapest, I told him that he took me for granted since we've lived together. He just didn't make any effort any more since I would always be there. Things got better for a while but now he's slipping again.

Also I didn't say before but this "friend" he's staying with is a) female and b) known to sleep with guys who are "involved" with other people and when I got there last night they'd both had a drink. When he came to the door they were laughing over something but when he saw me it was like I'd sucked the fun from his evening. I'm not saying that anything happened between them or will happen between them but it does get me thinking.

I just keep thinking that there is a reason that I wanted to marry this guy but his recent behaviour is making me question what that is.

But enough. We shall see what his excuse/explanation is at the weekend.

Does it count as de-junking if I'm tidying the filing room at work?

clearmydebts · 16 January 2013 at 3:44PM

Shrimpy - it's all go for you at the moment. Hopefully you will get the keys for your house soon and find the perfect tenant. Exciting about the wedding planning though? Any photos of dresses you want to share? I miss Dress of the Day!

Ruby - is your OH's epilepsy controlled or is he still having seizures? If it is controlled then I don't see why he is blaming it on everything? Did he join any support groups when he was diagnosed like this: http://www.epilepsy.org.uk/
I used to work as an Information Officer for an epilepsy organisation and I know some newly diagnosed people were quite angry. Also I know complex partial seizures can make people become aggressive or forgetful: http://www.epilepsyfoundation.org/livingwithepilepsy/firstresponders/upload/Arrest-for-Seizure-Related-Behavior.pdf

But I would imagine if the epilepsy is controlled by meds that all these things would be minimized or stop. What does your gut tell you? Is he just being an !!! or is it down to his epilepsy?

Wendz - a goodie hamper sounds brilliant, especially if you want to cut down on the numbers! When is the hen?

The Ultimate Incentive natters on. Part 9

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