Frump to Fab 2018 - Fabulous Dahhhhlings

Hello,lovely ladies....

Just having a little break over lunch. This morning I loaded up the car, dropped some stuff at the tip and then took the rest to a charity shop. Still lots more to do get rid of. I try not to wince at how much money I invested in some of this stuff but in true Kondo fashion I have thanked it all and set it free for others to love and enjoy.

hi Ruby...always good to hear from you. I agree with Sugarbaby - keep pushing for speech therapy for your little one. As for his behaviour well it is likely because he is so frustrated. We had the same issues with DS2, his behaviour really deteriorated and he started to have the most ferocious temper tantrums. But, as soon as we got his speech therapy under way and he could communicate more easily he became a different child, sweet, loving and gentle......a real softy. He still is bless him.

As to your husband I dont know what to say.......but could he too be struggling......it might not just be a case of him being "childish". Cutting his parents off for a while might be the only way he can deal with things.

I used to have to do this with my father after his "episodes". My father was a narcissist, my sister was the Golden Child and I was the Scapegoat. Having a sibling who is favoured over you is not nice. Always being made to feel that you are unloved, unwanted and somehow "lacking" is very unpleasant. It takes a strong character and a lot of willpower to deal with that and not let it destroy you.

I had to learn to harden my heart and let it wash over me but it wasn't easy and there were times when I had to take a step back and deliberately hold my dad at arms length. Perhaps this is what your husband is trying to do.

To be absolutely truthful, I only remained in touch with my father because of my feelings for my mother so tbh I can see why your husband may have had to cut off contact for a while if both of his parents favour his sibling.

I used to have to do that my dad, which meant of course that i also cut myself from my mum at the same time, but, it was the only way to stop him hurting me ......sometimes I had to put some distance between us so that I could "bring him to heel" and get him to modify his behaviour towards me. And sometimes, I simply had to retreat into my shell and lick my wounds.

Your husband does sound very unhappy with his lot, you, the children, his family etc. Maybe he feels like he has made some bad life choices and doesn't know how to "fix" it, so he retreats, sulks, sleeps a lot .....anything rather than face up to his reality.

It sounds like typical passive/aggressive behaviour where the perpetrator plays the victim and can't or won't take any action.......so by being passive, non cooperative and non communicative they force others to take action. They can't or won't make decisions and they make no attempt to improve their situation. They would rather make someone else assume that responsibility......that way they can assume the moral high ground and play the blame game. The decisions and responsibilities are taken from their hands, so then they are innocent and blameless.

I think both you and he could do with some relationship counselling. You, because dare I say it......you need to be a bit more assertive......sorry . But also he really does need to sort himself out.

For both of you, the clock is ticking, the years are slipping by and you seem to be both locked in misery. Your children are still young and fairly oblivious but they are growing fast now. Soon they will start to notice.

Whilst your FIL obviously needed someone to confide in, he has put you in an impossible situation. You husband should be told ASAP. If you don't tell him and he finds out you knew he will be both hurt and furious.

Chanie.....have a fab holiday.