Wanting to change my child's surname

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  • chelseablue
    chelseablue Posts: 3,303 Forumite
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    What happens when she's older and needs her birth certificate for something? Then she'll see who her birth Dad is.

    I've been lied to my whole life about who my birth dad is, its better to just be honest with her trust me
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    Savvy_Sue wrote: »
    So, we've got a child of 11 going on 12, and you haven't yet found 'the right time' to tell her that the man she's thought of as dad since 2010-11 (it varies) is NOT her biological father.

    It's going to be so much harder now, purely because she will have questions about the situation that you will have to answer.

    One of my friends was shaken to her core to discover late on in life that her 'mother' was her grandmother and her 'sister' was her mother. It was a common way to deal with an illegitimate birth to a teenage daughter but it upset my friend intensely as she felt she'd been lied to all her life.
  • Ms_Chocaholic
    Ms_Chocaholic Posts: 12,596 Forumite
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    No adoption isn't an easier solution; for a start the LA won't even consider it if your daughter doesn't even know who her birth father is and they would need you to tell her before this is even considered and talk about it with her. Also it's not a quick process.
    Thrifty Till 50 Then Spend Till the End
    You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time
  • LeesArt
    LeesArt Posts: 207 Forumite
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    People tie themselves in such knots

    So here is my take

    The absent father did not put his name on the birth certificate, so how can the ficticious person be served.

    In the event that he was found, it is highly unlikely that he would be supportive as it would require him to admit the deceit.

    He can't be found, maybe he is in prison.

    Maybe it would be easier to find someone with the ficticious name to sign this off or to pretend to be this the ficticious person.

    I can't see a Judge taking away rights based on evidence of one person, maybe with reports from social workers and police but if the Judge sees that you lied on a birth registration they would not be minded to help you.

    You can allege this that and the other but in Court you need evidence.
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 32,757 Forumite
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    LeesArt wrote: »
    People tie themselves in such knots

    So here is my take

    The absent father did not put his name on the birth certificate, so how can the ficticious person be served.

    In the event that he was found, it is highly unlikely that he would be supportive as it would require him to admit the deceit.

    He can't be found, maybe he is in prison.

    Maybe it would be easier to find someone with the ficticious name to sign this off or to pretend to be this the ficticious person.

    I can't see a Judge taking away rights based on evidence of one person, maybe with reports from social workers and police but if the Judge sees that you lied on a birth registration they would not be minded to help you.

    You can allege this that and the other but in Court you need evidence.

    What on earth are you talking about. The absent father did put his name on, he just stuck in a possible additional extra name. He hasn't been found because the OP hasn't tried, for fairly obvious reasons. And I fail to see how trying to find someone to perjure themselves is going to help the OP.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • LeesArt
    LeesArt Posts: 207 Forumite
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    elsien wrote: »
    What on earth are you talking about. The absent father did put his name on, he just stuck in a possible additional extra name. He hasn't been found because the OP hasn't tried, for fairly obvious reasons. And I fail to see how trying to find someone to perjure themselves is going to help the OP.

    Oh well it is such a twisted story I read it as he faked the name so he did not have to pay child support, if it is too abstract I will not pick up what is between the lines. It is a forum post not homework.

    What is tragic is that this is about a child's life.

    I get the sob story but we are only hearing one side of this.

    All this mess to change a passport

    I was not seriously suggesting that somebody went to Court I was saying it is so messed up that she should abandon this stupid mission. In 7 years the child can decide what they want to do with their name.
  • Spendless
    Spendless Posts: 24,151 Forumite
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    You could get a passport in her birth certificate surname.

    Tell her the truth, perhaps using the situation with the passport as a starting point to fetch it up.

    Start the process for her to be adopted by your partner, who she considers her Dad.

    You've got a few months to sort out the passport for this year's holiday. You've got several years for the adoption process to go through, considering you're going to need to trace her birth father or get a court order anyway.
  • Sncjw
    Sncjw Posts: 3,509 Forumite
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    People are saying he has parental responsibility as he is on the birth cert. I would say that is not him if he has added extra names in. It could make him a different person. So I would have thought the actual father hasn!!!8217;t got parental responsibility but another person does.
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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,557 Forumite
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    Sncjw wrote: »
    People are saying he has parental responsibility as he is on the birth cert. I would say that is not him if he has added extra names in. It could make him a different person. So I would have thought the actual father hasn!!!8217;t got parental responsibility but another person does.

    That doesn't help - the person named as the father needs to sign the paperwork.
  • Sncjw
    Sncjw Posts: 3,509 Forumite
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    I!!!8217;m saying that because there could be a guy out there with that same name and date of birth out there or there could be no one.
    Mortgage free wannabe 

    Actual mortgage stating amount £75,150

    Overpayment start date 1/3/23.

    Starting balance £66,565.45

    Current balance £63,787.16

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