I pay for nearly everything!!

Forumnewbie1 · 19 June 2019 at 1:48PM

I would like to get people's opinions of the position I have found myself in as feel I'm being taken for granted by my Husband in respect of money and free lodgings!!

When we met I already owned by own house and he moved in with me. To protect my assets I have always paid the mortgage and bills (solely) and he just gives me £100 per week for the food shop. He has a child from a previous marriage who we have every weekend. I'm not going to lie I do feel the struggle each month and don't have much spare cash. My husband has a really low income job and in the 7 years I've known him has never tried to find a better paid job and has always been secretive in more ways than one.

My husband has two of his own houses that are rented out (one with a mortgage and one without) yet he is in debt considerably (approx £20 - £30K). He's so secretive with everything and never wants to tell me anything about his finances whatsoever, yet I'm totally open and have on several occasions written down all my outgoings to explain why I'm feeling disgruntled with the situation as it is.

I'm getting to the end of my tether now as 12 months ago I challenged him to sell one of the rental houses to clear his debt and if there was any money left over perhaps look at buying a bigger property between us.....this has never happened. In fact anything I have put to him has never happened and I feel like the end is near.

Am I being unfair in putting pressure on him to clear a substantial debt that he has had since I met him? I am seriously thinking of calling it a day as feel he is just living off me and am fed up with the excuses and broken promises.

KatrinaWaves · 19 June 2019 at 2:19PM

Secretive, owns two houses whilst you only own one, has three income streams to your (I assume) one, yet only you are paying the main bulk of stuff?

I cannot believe youve put up with this as long as you have!

Danipat · 19 June 2019 at 2:25PM

Yeah I agree with the person above. My husband pays for most things becuase he earns more than me but if I was spending money on myself, going out etc and he could see I had spare money Im sure he wouldnt ber very happy. Tell him how you feel and tell him your not prepared to put up with it.

coffeehound · 19 June 2019 at 2:34PM

All-in for £100 a week? He’s having a laugh at your expense I’m afraid.

[Deleted User] · 19 June 2019 at 2:36PM

And you married him because ..........

Sounds like a total loser

jackieblack · 19 June 2019 at 2:41PM

How long have you been married?
If you're in England/Wales and you're married, unless it is a short marriage with no children, after a few years the starting point will be a 50/50 split of everything if you get divorced. There is no 'protecting my assets', 'his' or 'mine'.

Forumnewbie1 · 19 June 2019 at 8:31PM

I will have been married to him 5 years in September and am usually a really strong individual so cant actually believe I'm standing for it but I suppose I'm thinking I married him knowing the situation it's my own fault!!

BAFE · 19 June 2019 at 8:51PM

Divorce him. You'll get half of all the assets plus you won't have to support another grown adult who only gives you £100 a week.

HampshireH · 19 June 2019 at 9:29PM

So where does all his money go.

I don't blame you for being unhappy.

unholyangel · 19 June 2019 at 10:28PM

Forumnewbie1 wrote: »

I will have been married to him 5 years in September and am usually a really strong individual so cant actually believe I'm standing for it but I suppose I'm thinking I married him knowing the situation it's my own fault!!

I posted this in response to a thread the other day but I think its applicable for you also.

Good judgement comes from experience. Sometimes experience comes from bad judgement.

I'm all for couples finding whatever works for them, but it has to work for both of them....not just one of them. Is he willing to contribute more to the mortgage and bills? What was said about the length of relationship meaning a 50/50 split on start aside, you could have had him contribute...just either to bills only or paying an amount for "rent" on the strict understanding he wouldn't gain any interest in the property (and not paying towards maintaining the property).

You say he's not willing to sell a property to clear the debt but is that because the rental income will pay off the debt anyway while keeping the asset intact?

theoretica · 19 June 2019 at 10:53PM

I don't think his debt is necessarily the problem because it is balanced by assets. Sounds to me like the problem is he isn't contributing fairly to the joint living costs (so a cash flow issue not a who has what houses or debts) and while this may have been badged as 'protecting' you asset it is costing you financially to do this, while the situation also protects his assets and does not cost him financially...

I pay for nearly everything!!

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