Elderly stepchild
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plantsandflowers
Posts: 22 Forumite
I'll try and keep it brief. Mum 87. Step dad 80. Married 54 years. Sister 63 who has never left home has never really seen eye to eye with step dad. Told me about a year ago that step dad was hiding things around the house. She believed he was trying to drive his wife crazy so he could put her in a nursing home! She went on to say she believed he was seeing someone else. A woman who walked her dog past the house. For almost a year. she has not produced a shred of "evidence". No one has ever seen him with another woman. He doesn't even know who this other woman is. My sister has somehow persuaded my mum that he has at the least got the hots for this woman who walks past the house. For 8 weeks my dad has been living with me because he cannot get past the firewall which is my sister. He cannot live with me for ever but when he goes back " home" The house he jointly owns with my mum and has lived in for 40 years. My sister calls the police who ask him to leave to (defuse the situation). He has been for a dementia test and passed with flying colours. The Dr believed every word he said. (The test was requested by my sister and mum). My mum is almost blind and deaf and cannot use a phone without help! My dad want my sister out of his house but my mum says she can stay. So my dad now finds himself sleeping on a settee until something gives. We have hit a brick wall and really have no idea what to do next.
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This is quite confusing. Are Dad and Step Dad the same person? Is your sister living with them? Has dad/stepdad left your mother because of your sister?0
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Yes sorry for the confusion. Step dad to both me and my 63 year old sister. Allegations of an affair by my sister day after day has almost broken him. He is 80 for goodness sake. But for some reason my mum has been brainwashed. There may be dementia? But she HSS never been diagnosed. My (step) dad 100% loves my mum. He's been a great dad and a great husband.0
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Sounds like he needs legal advice to challenge the police when they ask him to leave. It's his house too and your sister should be asked to leave if the situation needs diffusing.Don't listen to me, I'm no expert!0
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Sister won't leave. Police gave 2 options. Come to my house or go to the cells. My sister alleged he had assaulted my mum. He didn't. Never has. He had the whole thing on record on his phone. Mum doesn't want him back because she believed my sister re the other woman. Dad tried to get the deeds from the house. Asked for police to accompany him. Once again they told him he had to leave (without the deeds). He wants them because he needs to make a will.0
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Your step dad doesn't need the deeds to make a will & if things are as bad as you say then that's something he definitely needs to do ASAP.
He may want them to check how the house is held but these may be on line - it may be worth checking and if they are then they can be bought for £3.
Any reason why your sister is doing this?0 -
Maybe you should talk to your mom and stepdad about what's happening. Everyone is getting old and it is not nice to build some hatred when you know you are near the line.0
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Has your sister been tested for dementia?,
her behaviour is similar to how my mum started her dementia journey,
just a thought,
Charlie.0 -
plantsandflowers wrote: »I'll try and keep it brief. Mum 87. Step dad 80. Married 54 years. Sister 63 who has never left home has never really seen eye to eye with step dad. Told me about a year ago that step dad was hiding things around the house. She believed he was trying to drive his wife crazy so he could put her in a nursing home! She went on to say she believed he was seeing someone else. A woman who walked her dog past the house. For almost a year. she has not produced a shred of "evidence". No one has ever seen him with another woman. He doesn't even know who this other woman is. My sister has somehow persuaded my mum that he has at the least got the hots for this woman who walks past the house. For 8 weeks my dad has been living with me because he cannot get past the firewall which is my sister. He cannot live with me for ever but when he goes back " home" The house he jointly owns with my mum and has lived in for 40 years. My sister calls the police who ask him to leave to (defuse the situation). He has been for a dementia test and passed with flying colours. The Dr believed every word he said. (The test was requested by my sister and mum). My mum is almost blind and deaf and cannot use a phone without help! My dad want my sister out of his house but my mum says she can stay. So my dad now finds himself sleeping on a settee until something gives. We have hit a brick wall and really have no idea what to do next.
Is there a reason why your sister still lives with your parents at sixty-three years old? It's especially unusual if she doesn't get on with your dad - why on earth would either of them have chosen to live together for all those years? I ask that because it might have a bearing on what's going on.
If it's deliberate, ie your sister knows she's making it up and that she's manipulating your mum, it could be that she's trying to ensure that when your mum dies she continues to live in the house but without her step dad. Alternatively, now that your mum is unable to recognise what is going on, she may be taking the opportunity to target your dad. Either way, what she's doing is elder abuse, against both your parents. Help is available - have a read here - but you do need to act.
However, like Charlie, I wonder if your sister could have dementia. It might well be worth pursuing that at the same time as seeking help with the abuse.. . .I did not speak out
Then they came for me
And there was no one left
To speak out for me..
Martin Niemoller0 -
I'm glad your Step Dad has you in his corner.0
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The poor man. How awful for him to be banned from his own house. However, if it is jointly owned he does have a right to live there as much as your mum does.
Is it owned as joint tenants or tenants-in-common? This is quite important and can be found out on the Land Registry website.
If it is joint tenants your mum cannot leave the house to anyone else in a will, it will become his if she dies first. If tenants-in-common she can leave her share to whoever she wishes.(AKA HRH_MUngo)
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Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton0
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