Giving up/ Cutting Down Alcohol Thread Part 16

Sorry to hear about your dog's OCD licking, Arsenal Barnie. I hope you don't mind, but this is something I've had with more than one of my rescue dogs, and I know how upsetting it is, and how helpless you'll be feeling.

Your dog has already realised when he sees the spray bottle that three bad things are about to happen.

1. Animals hate sprays; it sounds like a snake and they're instinctively terrified of hissing sounds as a result. Dogs, horses, cats, they all hate it. Sheep aren't wild about it, I don't know about pigs, but I think cows are just a bit too slow on the uptake so they get sprayed all the time without kicking seven bells out of the sprayer.
2. The comforting leg licking treat is about to be replaced by a vile taste thing.
3. You're about to go out.

When Kelpie's cruciate ligaments were damaged and we knew he wouldn't be able to go upstairs again, I had to re-organise my life so that he didn't go completely mad - he always had mild separation anxiety and I didn't want it to get any worse. If your dog has had his feet and legs checked by the vet and there's nothing wrong, you're dealing with the same thing. It's a !!!!!! to cure when it's full blown, but at this stage it's very manageable and therefore curable.

To begin with, whenever I left the room I got someone to sit with him, even if it was only while I went to the loo and we gradually, very gradually, taught him that it was okay to be on his own for up to four hours, so it's do-able. The very first sign he exhibited was foot-licking, so we got his attention focussed on us immediately, rewarded him for stopping, and gently told him that he didn't need to do that, and stroked him until he was fine again. The more you do that, the better. Sadly, putting vile tasting chemicals on his legs will just mean that he will choose another way of exhibiting his stress, and it's the destructive stuff that he'll go for next, barking, howling, chewing, emptying bins etc. Then people get cross with them, shout at them and the poor dog doesn't know what it's done that's wrong, but it's even unhappier.

I gave Kelpie part of his food allowance in treats that would take him a long time to eat so that he didn't have that initial 15 minutes of stress when we left, because that's when their anxiety is really out of control. I bought a big Kong and stuffed it with turkey mince and then froze it, which he absolutely loved.

He also had one frozen, raw, 6", trimmed of fat, beef rib a day, eaten on a microfibre blanket so it could be washed because it stank of raw meat!

If you give your dog a treat like that at the point of departure, that they love and have to work at really, really hard to get the food out, they won't mind you going out nearly so much.

If you come back and he hasn't touched the treat it's because he's been feeling so insecure that he's saving it in case you never come home. That's quite telling about how unhappy the dog is. I read a huge amount around the subject and tailored the advice to his particular situation. If your dog gets happy when you show him the Kong, as opposed to unhappy when he sees the spray, you'll still be going but you'll feel much better about the whole thing and so will he.

With this dog I'm making sure that she's choosing to sleep in her crate with the door open by putting an Adaptil puffer behind it, so it seems like heaven to her, and sleeping next to it myself. She thinks the whole arrangement is marvellous and has calmed down enormously in the eight days we've had her. For the first three or four days she'd howl the place down if I left her for three minutes, now she trots into her crate every night after her evening walk and meal, usually about 5.30 pm and I can leave her all evening, only having to wake her up and take her out for her late night pee so we don't have any accidents.

If you substitue a pleasure when you go out for the stress the dog is currently suffering, both you and the dog will be much happier.

Adaptil puffers, adaptil collars, a Thundershirt and crate training are all options that would still be available to you if the Kong and bone ideas aren't enough to cure your dog of leg licking. They're a bit more expensive and may not be necessary if you can deal with the OCD now and nip it in the bud. The one thing that won't happen is that the dog will just magically stop being stressed.

Right. On to the longer part of your post about socialising. It's sad that your OH is a co-conspiritor but mine was too, and that's where you might want to start. If you explain to him a couple of days in advance that you don't mind him drinking at all, or even as much as he wants to (and you have to mean that) when you go to the pub quiz, but that you'd really like a clear head the following day and that he can help you with that, you might find him more helpful.

This will sound sexist, but there are a number of different qualities and talents that men and women have, and sometimes when it comes to 'help' using a different approach works better. With men, in my experience, most of them will cheerfully help you if you ask them to, but only if you give them very specific tasks. If you said that you'd really appreciate it if, at the pub quiz, he'd support your choice not to drink for the evening, that's the kind of thing most men would be happy to do. (As to the post-I*ea episode - you win some you lose some. Sometimes it's more important to be in the moment for the other person.)

As to your ex-slimming world friend, I think you already know what's going on there. It's interesting that she's got a will of iron when it comes to not drinking when she's on the wagon, but she clearly hasn't got any willpower when it comes to food - which you clearly have. She might find the fact that you're taking back control a bit difficult to cope with, so be prepared for that. That's when 'friends' can try to undermine our efforts by calling you a party pooper, but if you know it's because she's unable to do what you're doing, you're ready for it, and you can be kind about the way you approach the subject. A little kindness goes a long, long way with these sensitive issues, it really does.

I hope I don't sound patronising. I'm retired and I have a lot of time to research things I'm interested in, and a lot of time to practice getting things wrong over and over and over again before I can eventually get them a bit right. I get really downhearted when someone says, 'Well, yes, I realised you were about to ... and I knew it was a mistake and would result in ... but I didn't like to say anything.' Really? Please do! It would save me such a lot of hassle!


Onwards and upwards. Didn't weigh myself today and I may have had chocolate for lunch so I may forget to weigh myself tomorrow, and it's my birthday on Monday so I may forget then, as well.

13/30 please, Shaggy.

Hi Marahouti! You can aim for a certain number of alcohol free days per month, do the school night or weekend challenge (up to 5 and 2 AF days) or go target free and just check in regularly. We have people who are not drinking at all, some aiming for a certain number of Alcohol- Free days per month, some with weekly targets and some not aiming for a target but just trying to cut down. It's up to you.

I try to check in daily, others are more infrequent.

I'm aiming for 25 AF days this month - currently on 13/25.

Welcome Marahouti! You're not alone - some of us have supportive partners, and that helps, and some don't. Either way, we're all here for the same reason - we're concerned about our booze intake. You've done really well to rack up over 70 days already this year and you're right - it is a hard habit to break. But, it is so worth it! I honestly feel as though I've got my life back after 25 years of daily drinking and 10 years of pretty heavy drinking. I couldn't have done it without support, and this thread is a fantastic help. If you've got any questions, ask away.



14/30 please, Shaggy.