Birthday gift

hazyjo · 8 April 2018 at 7:56PM

It stresses my boyfriend out beyond belief picking me out a present - but I think that's partly due to him being bipolar. It's my birthday tomorrow(!) and we're just having a nice meal and drinks and a fabulous day. If I was with someone else, I'd want a present. Because I know him inside out, I don't mind! Definitely want a card though :eek:

Tabbytabitha · 8 April 2018 at 8:14PM

martinthebandit wrote: »

It's a sign of immaturity and that he soon needs to be an ex partner/boyfriend until he grows up.

My parents were happily married for over 50 years and my dad always did this - there's more to a relationship than giving presents.

Newly_retired · 8 April 2018 at 9:10PM

I am really stuck when relatives ask me what I might like for birthday or Christmas. If someone comes up with something I like, I am delighted, but often I end up with something I don’t want or don’t like, especially if they don’t exercise any thought.
So I would prefer money rather than an unwanted gift.
DH and I usually suggest something to each other, or actually buy it for the other to wrap and give. Sometimes we spot something during the year and get it, hoping we can find it when the time comes! By then, it is usually a surprise, as we have forgotten all about it.
Glad you have talked about it.

LavenderBee · 8 April 2018 at 9:45PM

I had a boyfriend do this about 10 years ago, my second birthday with him and we were living together. £20 in a card with a note, and this is verbatim, "buy yourself something nice". I just knew he had forgotten and he'd quickly done it on the way home with a card from the newsagent. I was not impressed - I would rather he confessed that he'd forgotten as "get yourself something nice" felt patronising to me.

10 years later I'm married (to a very different man, I might add!) and my lovely hubby does struggle with gifts. For last birthday and Christmas I said what I would like, hubs agrees, and I place the order myself (though I'm a practical girl and gifts are always practical - often benefiting the household). Like others suggest we tend to have something like a favourite takeaway, as a treat together, in lieu of any grander gift giving; it is a lot easier!

Mrs_Ryan · 8 April 2018 at 10:26PM

I always buy my own gifts and OH reimburses me. I am perfectly happy with that- he has mental health issues and struggles with things like that. Plus it means I never ever have an unwanted gift! Last Christmas I chose a half season ticket for the rugby and a £50 River Island gift voucher so I could go to the sales; the year before I chose a Michael Kors watch (I got a cracking bargain on it- something he wouldnt have done as I shopped around. Plus I got the one I wanted!) it works for us. Not for everyone granted but its not always a bad thing.

nobile · 9 April 2018 at 12:53AM

Some people (ME!) are crap at buying gifts - I can have the whole year to plan for a birthday & a wedding anniversary gift & I still totally balls it up.

So it's money in a card from me - has been for many years.

goodwithsaving · 9 April 2018 at 7:13AM

No, if somebody said to me I could go and get something and be reimbursed, I'd be thrilled. I never spoil myself so it'd be a treat! I prefer choosing something myself than having somebody choose for me.

takman · 9 April 2018 at 9:43AM

In the past i have taken my partner shopping, she has chosen what she wanted and then i have gone and paid for it. This usually involved going somewhere we didn't go very often and also having lunch/dinner; so a nice day out together.

But I think telling someone to go out and buy something they want then paying them back is basically saying "i really can't be bothered". It's fine not knowing what to buy a partner but to not even want to go with them when they buy it you need to really think about if the relationship is working.

Pollycat · 9 April 2018 at 9:50AM

takman wrote: »

In the past i have taken my partner shopping, she has chosen what she wanted and then i have gone and paid for it. This usually involved going somewhere we didn't go very often and also having lunch/dinner; so a nice day out together.

But I think telling someone to go out and buy something they want then paying them back is basically saying "i really can't be bothered". It's fine not knowing what to buy a partner but to not even want to go with them when they buy it you need to really think about if the relationship is working.

I wouldn't want my partner (of almost 35 years) going shopping with me. Not even to buy me a birthday, Christmas or anniversary present.
And our relationship is working.

Not everyone is the same.
Your partner would possibly think your relationship isn't working because you don't want to go shopping with her to buy her a gift but it doesn't follow that everybody who thinks differently should query their relationship.

rach_k · 9 April 2018 at 10:24AM

It wouldn't bother me, in fact I'd enjoy it. You could do as suggested and get him to come shopping with you, make an afternoon of it. (That may in fact convince him to buy for you in future, to get out of a shopping day!)

Perhaps ask yourself why it upsets you. Is it because you've been conditioned to think people should give presents in a certain way and it only means the 'right' thing if they do it that way, or are you truly upset at the thought of choosing something for yourself? If it's the former, try to re-think it. It's a chance to choose exactly what you want, he does care enough to try at least and he wants to get it right. If you're truly upset at the idea of him not choosing something, why not help him out? Create a pinterest board of things you like or make an Amazon wish list!

Birthday gift

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