Which dating site would be best for finding someone who wants to settle down and have a family?

KnightRider
KnightRider Posts: 63 Forumite
in Marriage, relationships & families
Hello all,


Which dating site would be best for someone looking to meet someone with the aim of settling down and starting a family?


I seem to be doing well on OKCupid, if you measure dating site success as numbers of people contacting you! Unfortunately, I seem to continually get messages from women who say on their profile that they don't want children. It seems like a bit of a non-starter for me, as I do!


I even got a message a little while ago that said "why do all the good ones want children?". It's a bit frustrating as either they don't read my profile or they just choose to ignore the bit where I've selected 'wants children'.


Doing my own searches doesn't give much encouragement either - women around my age (I'm 38) and in my area generally do not want to get married or have children. This seems to be counter to the various articles around that claim that loads of women in their 30s are desperate to meet the right one and settle down! Not where I live, it seems!


So OKCupid doesn't look to be the way to go.


I'm starting to consider possibly a matchmaker of some sort but not sure how good these really are. I guess, logically, someone who has paid a fair chunk of money to do something like that would be at least taking it seriously but logic seems to go out of the window when it comes to dating sites and the like!
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Comments

  • okborednow
    okborednow Posts: 169 Forumite
    I've got no personal experience but i believe the selling point of eHarmony is that the site analyses your values and interests etc to match you with someone compatible. It is a paid for site but it might be worth the investment if it helps you meet the sort of person you want.
  • garth549
    garth549 Posts: 486 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    To be honest I'd stay away from all the paid ones (Match, OKCupid, eHarmony).

    With Match and OKCupid I had suspicions of fake profiles/contact and overall found them to be a waste of money.

    eHarmony was even worse. None of my 'matches' were suitable and I only had 2 within an hours drive. Most were at the other side of the country! Paid something like £89. Rip off!

    I met my wife on Plenty of Fish. It's free and I would say it's the best (mind you it's 7 years since I used it!)

    However with it being free there's a lot of timewasters/pervs/people just after one thing. This is much less of a problem if you're male though.
  • KnightRider
    KnightRider Posts: 63 Forumite
    okborednow wrote: »
    I've got no personal experience but i believe the selling point of eHarmony is that the site analyses your values and interests etc to match you with someone compatible. It is a paid for site but it might be worth the investment if it helps you meet the sort of person you want.


    Thanks - I'll take a look at that. :-) Hopefully I can take a look at profiles first and get an idea of how many there are in my area and whether they're paying (no point in messaging people that can't reply!).
    garth549 wrote: »
    To be honest I'd stay away from all the paid ones (Match, OKCupid, eHarmony).

    With Match and OKCupid I had suspicions of fake profiles/contact and overall found them to be a waste of money.

    eHarmony was even worse. None of my 'matches' were suitable and I only had 2 within an hours drive. Most were at the other side of the country! Paid something like £89. Rip off!

    I met my wife on Plenty of Fish. It's free and I would say it's the best (mind you it's 7 years since I used it!)

    However with it being free there's a lot of timewasters/pervs/people just after one thing. This is much less of a problem if you're male though.


    Thanks - I'm on Plenty Of Fish too but don't visit there that often as I've found most women that are on OKCupid are on that one too! It seems to have the same issues as OKC for me. Hopefully there'll be more from my area on eHarmony.
  • sammyjammy
    sammyjammy Posts: 7,376 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Photogenic First Post
    You don't have to pay to be able to message people on POF
    "You've been reading SOS when it's just your clock reading 5:05 "
  • Fireflyaway
    Fireflyaway Posts: 2,766 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    I met my husband on dating direct.
    I do think the paid for sites are better for relationships. Pof and tinder etc seem more for hook ups.
    I probably wouldn't mention kids on the profile of you might put off people who assume you are broody and looking to commit really fast.
  • cashewnut
    cashewnut Posts: 362 Forumite
    First Anniversary
    edited 29 June 2018 at 5:51AM
    I met my husband on Guardian Soulmates almost six years ago. We both had "maybe" down on the question of whether we wanted kids. We are now expecting one in October :)

    I agree with the poster above 100%. If someone had laid out their intentions to start a family on their dating profile I'd have run a mile. You need to let these things happen organically.

    *Edit* it's obviously been a while since I was on there but I seem to remember on GS you can match against people based on the importance of having children. I remember liking the look of one guy but I was a 0% match for him as he only wanted to date women who had selected "wants children".
  • KnightRider
    KnightRider Posts: 63 Forumite
    Well, registered for eHarmony today and I'm pretty disappointed by the recommendations. There's one person from the town I live in and the others are not terribly local - there's one other that is about 30 mins away which is ok but the others wouldn't exactly be able to pop round to watch a DVD together.


    A bit surprised really as I don't live in a small town plus I'm 45 minutes from London!


    If that's the best they can give me to try to convince me to pay out that monthly fee then I think I'll give it a miss. I had no idea I was so unique!
  • fibonarchie
    fibonarchie Posts: 975 Forumite
    I've seen a lot of ads for screwfix on telly. Presume that's a dating site?
    Signature Removed by Forum Team ..thanks to somebody reporting a witty and decades-old Kenny Everett quote as 'offensive'!!
  • PasturesNew
    PasturesNew Posts: 70,698 Forumite
    Name Dropper Photogenic First Anniversary First Post
    If you're actually serious etc .... then you might be better off putting in the effort at that "real life" place.

    In the main, those online are just passing time, or there to look only ... and are pretty wishy washy. They're probably also more self-obsessed.

    You want "a real person".... and you find them in the real world.
  • marliepanda
    marliepanda Posts: 7,186 Forumite
    PasturesNew wrote: »
    If you're actually serious etc .... then you might be better off putting in the effort at that "real life" place.

    In the main, those online are just passing time, or there to look only ... and are pretty wishy washy. They're probably also more self-obsessed.

    You want "a real person".... and you find them in the real world.

    I think a few years back that was the case.

    Nowdays everyone is on Tinder. Its no different to facebook it seems!
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