Break up and feeling worthless

I have experience of this but from the side of the partner who keeps dumping you. I have an Avoidant Personality Disorder which causes me to push people away like this when people get too close.
I’ve been on off with a guy for the last three years - we are both male. We get close, lasts for about a month or so but then I push him away. No contact, but not blocking. Things calm down then we start talking again and try to stay friends but it soon drifts into a physical relationship which of course I just can’t handle. We break up again.
I’m not proud of what I do and my friend/partner is very understanding. However, I’ve had to tell him that despite me having on going counselling which has lasted for over two years. I can’t offer anything other than friendship now. He’s gutted as am I but it’s just not fair on either of us in the long run.
Unless you can accept this guy for who he is which to be honest is very tough on you. Then my advice would be to go no contact for your own sanity and move on. He’s not going to change I’m afraid.

MXW wrote: »

Thank you for that.... I might take you up on that chat. X

Thats cool. As I said any time.

As passatrider has said you have two choice you can accept it or not. If you are not happy to then don't.

Its not fair on you. Its obvious you want a proper full blown relationship. He can't give you that and may never be able to.

Its going to hurt like hell because of all the what if's. It made me very unwell mentally. And as I said nearly 2 years on I am still dealing with the fall out.

So accept that its never going to be what you consider a normal healthy relationship. Or find someone who can give you what you want.

Good luck what ever you choose.

Yours

Calley x

I'm so sorry you've been so badly let down once again. Don't feel worthless, it takes an amazingly strong person to have the courage to fight for someone who has shown to be so unreliable.

My feeling is that this man has been battling as to whether he loves you or not from the beginning. Part of him did love you but probably thought there was something missing. He went from telling himself that he had to give it a chance, that what was missing would either come or it wouldn't matter to him any longer, until something triggers his anxieties that he can't commit to you with whatever it is that he thought was missing and the belief that it will always be an issue between you.

He is probably is a good man, but is also very indecisive and for you, this is what is missing from him to make him your perfect partner. It is very frustrating that it might be the only thing that is an issue, but it is a very big one when you consider the impact it has had on your relationship and you.

You both gave it a go and it didn't work. It's heartbreaking, but at least you know you gave it 100% and if that was still not enough, it really wasn't meant to be.

hollydays wrote: »

I know in your other posts you say he has been married with two children, but I do wonder if he has intimacy problems.

Perhaps he doesn't want all the 'managed' part of a relationship , not like they are all like that.
OP says they have weekends away and stuff, so maybe just wants the benefits (not physical) side of a relationship.