We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
The Forum now has a brand new text editor, adding a bunch of handy features to use when creating posts. Read more in our how-to guide
Help for my mum - SOA
tbourner
Posts: 1,434 Forumite
Hiya guys, hopefully you can give me some advice. My mum is a tricky customer, since my dad left around 10 years ago (they're still married) she does nothing, doesn't go out, doesn't see people, nothing.
As a result she now has anxiety issues (agoraphobia) and won't give up the things in her life that are costing her FAR too much money. I'm not sure what you can do on that front but hopefully you can give me some suggestions anyway and I'll take it from there.
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 0
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 576
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 482.5
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1058.5
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 376
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 106.5
Electricity............................. 45
Gas..................................... 20
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 10
Telephone (land line)................... 55
Mobile phone............................ 5
TV Licence.............................. 10
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 45
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 400
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1102.5
Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 20
Total Assets............................ 20
No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Shoe Catalogue.................473.......15........0
Clothing Catalogue.............400.......10........0
Southern Water.................891.......35........0
Total unsecured debts..........1764......60........-
Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,058.5
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,102.5
Available for debt repayments........... -44
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 60
Amount short for making debt repayments. -104
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 20
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -1,764
Net Assets.............................. -1,744
I've tried to calculate everything pcm, but some might be 4 weekly.
She's 63, retired housewife, can't walk far without holding on, pension is £133 per week which Southern Water are taking £9 from to pay off an 11 year old debt.
She doesn't do anything by direct debit, so Virgin are charging £5 payment handling charge. Her bank won't let her do DDs because of REALLY bad credit history (mostly my dads fault - I had 12 CCJs on my file when I was 15 because he used the name T Bourner instead of A Bourner {Tony rather than Anthony - clever}).
The £55 phone bill is £20 line rental and £35 for calls!!
The £30 clothing is to Littlewoods, she buys something every month because they reward her with some valued customer thing which amounts to (AFAICT) £150 a year - she uses this for presents and stuff at Christmas.
She buys everything on a Capital One card and pays it off at the end of the month with her pension - she ALWAYS pays it off completely.
Dad has been getting her cigarettes and paying her electricity and gas meters every week, but has now "had enough" and is refusing to do it, resulting in me getting all her info and coming on here for help.
She gets Housing benefit which pays the rent and council tax.
Problems are: She won't give up smoking (30 a day, £200 of the grocery budget!!), she won't give up the movie packages on the TV, and getting her to change the way she does things is very difficult. She's extremely stubborn (which must be where I get it from
) and has some issues caused by alcoholism and a stroke she had some years ago - she's very hard to reason with and is dwelling a lot on the past. She thinks my dad HAS to pay her £65 a week like he has been doing and won't stop focusing on getting that, she also won't do things like cancelling the Littlewoods and saving the £30 instead, buying cheaper clothes from Tesco (eg) and having much more money at the end of the year.
So, that's it in a (BIG) nutshell. Some of these figures are rough guesses (like the groceries), I could probably look through her order history on Tesco online but as we all know that's not the end of the story.
As a result she now has anxiety issues (agoraphobia) and won't give up the things in her life that are costing her FAR too much money. I'm not sure what you can do on that front but hopefully you can give me some suggestions anyway and I'll take it from there.
Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 1
Number of children in household......... 0
Number of cars owned.................... 0
Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 576
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 482.5
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 1058.5
Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 376
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 106.5
Electricity............................. 45
Gas..................................... 20
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 10
Telephone (land line)................... 55
Mobile phone............................ 5
TV Licence.............................. 10
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 45
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 400
Clothing................................ 30
Petrol/diesel........................... 0
Road tax................................ 0
Car Insurance........................... 0
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 0
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 0
Life assurance ......................... 0
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0
Haircuts................................ 0
Entertainment........................... 0
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 1102.5
Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 0
Car(s).................................. 0
Other assets............................ 20
Total Assets............................ 20
No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts
Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Shoe Catalogue.................473.......15........0
Clothing Catalogue.............400.......10........0
Southern Water.................891.......35........0
Total unsecured debts..........1764......60........-
Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 1,058.5
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,102.5
Available for debt repayments........... -44
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 60
Amount short for making debt repayments. -104
Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 20
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -1,764
Net Assets.............................. -1,744
I've tried to calculate everything pcm, but some might be 4 weekly.
She's 63, retired housewife, can't walk far without holding on, pension is £133 per week which Southern Water are taking £9 from to pay off an 11 year old debt.
She doesn't do anything by direct debit, so Virgin are charging £5 payment handling charge. Her bank won't let her do DDs because of REALLY bad credit history (mostly my dads fault - I had 12 CCJs on my file when I was 15 because he used the name T Bourner instead of A Bourner {Tony rather than Anthony - clever}).
The £55 phone bill is £20 line rental and £35 for calls!!
The £30 clothing is to Littlewoods, she buys something every month because they reward her with some valued customer thing which amounts to (AFAICT) £150 a year - she uses this for presents and stuff at Christmas.
She buys everything on a Capital One card and pays it off at the end of the month with her pension - she ALWAYS pays it off completely.
Dad has been getting her cigarettes and paying her electricity and gas meters every week, but has now "had enough" and is refusing to do it, resulting in me getting all her info and coming on here for help.
She gets Housing benefit which pays the rent and council tax.
Problems are: She won't give up smoking (30 a day, £200 of the grocery budget!!), she won't give up the movie packages on the TV, and getting her to change the way she does things is very difficult. She's extremely stubborn (which must be where I get it from
) and has some issues caused by alcoholism and a stroke she had some years ago - she's very hard to reason with and is dwelling a lot on the past. She thinks my dad HAS to pay her £65 a week like he has been doing and won't stop focusing on getting that, she also won't do things like cancelling the Littlewoods and saving the £30 instead, buying cheaper clothes from Tesco (eg) and having much more money at the end of the year.So, that's it in a (BIG) nutshell. Some of these figures are rough guesses (like the groceries), I could probably look through her order history on Tesco online but as we all know that's not the end of the story.
Trev. Having an out-of-money experience!
C'MON! Let's get this debt sorted!!
C'MON! Let's get this debt sorted!!
0
Comments
-
You already know this but £400 groceries for one person per month is a lot!
The telephone landline at £55 is also a lot - is there a cheaper package for her?
Have you asked someone like CAB to check if she is receiving all of the benefits she is entitled to?0 -
Yes, but £200 of that is the estimate of the cost of cigarettes.jonesMUFCforever wrote: »You already know this but £400 groceries for one person per month is a lot!
The telephone landline at £55 is also a lot - is there a cheaper package for her?
Have you asked someone like CAB to check if she is receiving all of the benefits she is entitled to?
Even £200 is well over £6/day so there must be lots of treats in there.
However, if someone is not willing to change, you can't really do anything until they are. She is an adult and has to be allowed to order her life as she wishes for now. I'm the same age as the OP's mother and certainly wouldn't want a child of mine to be trying to change the way I lived. I would also be very annoyed if they used anything like my real name on an internet forum so I hope that has not happened.0 -
Well she's asked me to help, I told her I'd put her info up on here and get some advice and she said yes.
Also; what's wrong with having your name on the internet? Mine's Trevor Bourner, what exactly are you going to do with that?Trev. Having an out-of-money experience!
C'MON! Let's get this debt sorted!!0 -
I think a lot of this is down to what she WON'T do. You've already identified some of these 'hot spots'. You can't persuade someone like this to see sense - mum or no mum.
Does she really need new clothes - for a person who doesn't go anywhere much what does she need them for? Things do wear out - underwear, nightwear etc tend to wear out more than most, but she hardly needs to be smart to go to work, does she? As you've already identified, Tesco are cheaper than Littlewoods.
For someone on £130 a week to spend all that money on cigarettes is absolutely criminal - but you can't stop her doing it.
I don't blame your Dad for getting fed up. For a single person, £130 a week is not a lot, but the biggest expenses most of us have - on housing (i.e. rent/mortgage, council tax) are paid for her, by the taxpayer. So, she has the rest of the basics we all have - food, water, heat, power etc. Dad has been paying these last, but there is no earthly reason why he should.
I know she's your mum, but there are some people on this planet who just cannot - can not - be helped. DH and I have known a few over the years and we still know some. No matter what you suggest to help them - what sounds like basic common sense - just cannot be accepted by them, and they have a hundred reasons why they can't do what to you seems to obvious. I am sorry.[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Æ[/FONT]r ic wisdom funde, [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]æ[/FONT]r wear[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]ð[/FONT] ic eald.
Before I found wisdom, I became old.0 -
Mine's Trevor Bourner, what exactly are you going to do with that?
Depends if you value your privacy or not.
Knowing your name, within a couple of minutes, its possible to find alot out about you simply using google.
ie your wifes name, your brothers name, your dogs name, your photo, your dogs photo, your interests, your debts and more.
Some people would not be comfortable with that and therefore would not give their full name out on a forum.0 -
Fair enough, seems odd though you can get a name from the phone book it's not exactly private info!Depends if you value your privacy or not.
Knowing your name, within a couple of minutes, its possible to find alot out about you simply using google.
ie your wifes name, your brothers name, your dogs name, your photo, your dogs photo, your interests, your debts and more.
Some people would not be comfortable with that and therefore would not give their full name out on a forum.Trev. Having an out-of-money experience!
C'MON! Let's get this debt sorted!!0 -
-
Simple advise - STOP GETTING HER THE FAGS!
If she can't go get them for herself - then she'll smoke less. Don't mean to be nasty but what exactly does she expect you to do?
You have already identified area's where money could be saved - the fags are the 1st thing to be cut and the person to blame is the one who goes out and buys them for your mum to smoke. You also mention problems caused by drink - who goes out and buys it for her?
I can understand why she won't change her TV as by what you say she's housebound so it is the only pleasure she has - BUT NOT THE FAGS!
Who does her shopping?
Your dad's been paying this £65 per week for how long? Does your mum know what his financial situation is or would she care?
You have a tough situation - you need to lay down the facts to your mum and let her choose for herself.
But get her benefit income checked to make sure she is getting everything she is entitled to.
It also might be worth looking at things that can cut her bills - is she entitled to Housing Benefit? Water saving devices (like a brick in the cistern to cut down the amount of water used).
Car boot sale to sell her old clothes.
If she's single adult household and on benefits why is she paying Council Tax?
Good luck0 -
Might your mother change bank accounts to one which would let her do direct debits?
Virgin landlines will give you unlimited calls to other normal landlines for about £20 a month- I think you could make her painless savings here unless she insists on calling premium numbers.But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,Had the whole of their cash in his care.
Lewis Carroll0 -
G51shopaholic wrote: »Simple advice - STOP GETTING HER THE FAGS!
If she can't go get them for herself - then she'll smoke less. Don't mean to be nasty but what exactly does she expect you to do?
You have already identified areas where money could be saved - the fags are the 1st thing to be cut and the person to blame is the one who goes out and buys them for your mum to smoke. You also mention problems caused by drink - who goes out and buys it for her?
I can understand why she won't change her TV as by what you say she's housebound so it is the only pleasure she has - BUT NOT THE FAGS!
Who does her shopping?
Your dad's been paying this £65 per week for how long? Does your mum know what his financial situation is or would she care?
You have a tough situation - you need to lay down the facts to your mum and let her choose for herself.
But get her benefit income checked to make sure she is getting everything she is entitled to.
It also might be worth looking at things that can cut her bills - is she entitled to Housing Benefit? Water saving devices (like a brick in the cistern to cut down the amount of water used).
Car boot sale to sell her old clothes.
If she's single adult household and on benefits why is she paying Council Tax?
Good luck
She's already on Housing Benefit - the OP said this is what pays her rent and council tax. She's very fortunate. For most of us, rent or mortgage plus council tax are the biggest monthly costs of running a home. She will get single person's discount, 25% off her council tax anyway. To put it into perspective, another retired couple - DH and me - pay £110 council tax monthly on a 2-bed bungalow. Before we did equity release we were also paying £260 a month on the mortgage. Those are expenses your Mum does not have.
If she's agoraphobic i.e. cannot go out at all, then she really doesn't need many clothes. T-shirts and tracky bottoms will do. So, no need to keep updating her wardrobe as if she had a busy social life and didn't want to be seen in the same outfit too often.
Does she shop online - grocery shopping? If so, that's probably how she gets her fags. And maybe booze too - you mentioned 'issues' with alcoholism.
A history of strokes - and a smoker, £200 a month. My late first husband still smoked, although much fewer than that, and he didn't even see his 60th birthday.[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Æ[/FONT]r ic wisdom funde, [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]æ[/FONT]r wear[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]ð[/FONT] ic eald.
Before I found wisdom, I became old.0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 354.3K Banking & Borrowing
- 254.4K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 455.4K Spending & Discounts
- 247.3K Work, Benefits & Business
- 604K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 178.4K Life & Family
- 261.5K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.7K Read-Only Boards